George Carlin's Views on Aging
> Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old
> is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so
> excited about aging that you think in fractions.
> "How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and
> a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
> You get into your teens, now they can't hold you
> back. You jump to the next
> number, or even a few ahead.
> "How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be
> 13, but hey, you're gonna
> be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . .
> you become 21. Even the
> words sound like a ceremony . YOU BECOME 21.
> YESSSS!!!
> But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there?
> Makes you sound like bad
> milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no
> fun now, you're Just a
> sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
> You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40.
> Whoa! Put on the brakes,
> it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you
> REACH 50
> and your dreams are gone.
> But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you
> would!
> So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and
> MAKE it to 60.
> You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After
> that it's a day-by-day
> thing; you HIT Wednesday!
> You get into your 80s and every day is a complete
> cycle; you HIT lunch; you
> TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end
> there. Into the 90s, you
> start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92."
> Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over
> 100, you become a little
> kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"
> May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!
> HOW TO STAY YOUNG
> 1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes
> age, weight and height. Let
> the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay
> "them "
> 2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you
> down.
> 3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer,
> crafts, gardening,
> whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is
> the devil's workshop."
> And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
> 4. Enjoy the simple things.
> 5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp
> for breath.
> 6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on.
> The only person, who is
> with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE
> while you are alive.
> 7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether
> it's family,
> pets,keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
> Your home is your refuge.
> 8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it.
> If it is unstable,
> improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve,
> get help.
> 9 Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall,
> even to the next county;
> to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.
> 10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at
> every opportunity.
> AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
> Life is not measured by the number of breaths we
> take, but by the moments
> that take our breath away.
> is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so
> excited about aging that you think in fractions.
> "How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and
> a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
> You get into your teens, now they can't hold you
> back. You jump to the next
> number, or even a few ahead.
> "How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be
> 13, but hey, you're gonna
> be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . .
> you become 21. Even the
> words sound like a ceremony . YOU BECOME 21.
> YESSSS!!!
> But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there?
> Makes you sound like bad
> milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no
> fun now, you're Just a
> sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
> You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40.
> Whoa! Put on the brakes,
> it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you
> REACH 50
> and your dreams are gone.
> But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you
> would!
> So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and
> MAKE it to 60.
> You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After
> that it's a day-by-day
> thing; you HIT Wednesday!
> You get into your 80s and every day is a complete
> cycle; you HIT lunch; you
> TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end
> there. Into the 90s, you
> start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92."
> Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over
> 100, you become a little
> kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"
> May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!
> HOW TO STAY YOUNG
> 1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes
> age, weight and height. Let
> the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay
> "them "
> 2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you
> down.
> 3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer,
> crafts, gardening,
> whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is
> the devil's workshop."
> And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
> 4. Enjoy the simple things.
> 5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp
> for breath.
> 6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on.
> The only person, who is
> with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE
> while you are alive.
> 7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether
> it's family,
> pets,keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
> Your home is your refuge.
> 8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it.
> If it is unstable,
> improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve,
> get help.
> 9 Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall,
> even to the next county;
> to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.
> 10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at
> every opportunity.
> AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
> Life is not measured by the number of breaths we
> take, but by the moments
> that take our breath away.