What I Learned From Doctor Who

[barefootdoll]

A fun fact about me: I like making lists. I make lists about the most ridiculous things. Sometimes they're helpful, sometimes they're fun, and sometimes they're pointless. I've been called "The List Mistress" and "The Lexicon" for these lists that I obsessively make. (And those are just the ones with a positive connotation.)

Upon "finishing" Doctor Who, I found there were several things that the series had taught me over the several months that it took me to do so. And when I started compiling them, being the lister that I am... well, I just couldn't stop...

So, here's what I learned from Doctor Who...

--- Mythical creatures aren't what you think they are.

--- Vampires are plasmavores. Or really big, outerspace fish.

--- Werewolves are aliens, too. Lupine Wavelength Haemovariforms to be exact.

--- Witches are Carrionites.

--- Satan might have been an alien, but maybe not. Don't worry about it either way, he's at the bottom of a black hole now.

--- Ghosts are cybermen from that other universe.

--- Angels are... just bad. Run.
 --- Fear of the dark isn't irrational.

--- Don't blink.

--- Don't travel between alternate universes. You're playing with fire.

--- Don't look at the sun.

--- Don't enslave the poor little aliens with the brains in their hands.

--- Don't chop down the giant home forests of a man-eating species to make books.

--- Don't f*ck with Earth, or the Doctor will F*CK YOU UP.

--- Vote Saxon.

--- Trust River Song.

--- Don't trust River Song.

--- Two female companions will always gossip about the Doctor like schoolgirls.

--- Mars is overrated anyway.

--- You're almost to the climax if...

--- The Doctor is climbing. (Church towers, sky scrapers, etc.)

--- There's "no way out".

--- The companion is dead/missing/otherwise compromised.

--- The Doctor gets emotional.
 --- Avoid buses on other planets. Especially avoid stranded buses on other planets.

--- Fortune tellers are generally bad news.

--- Always save your severed limbs.

--- Growing up is SO overrated.

--- Extinct doesn't necessarily mean extinct. (Daleks are clever bastards.)

--- Bow ties are cool.

--- When you go into the future with the Doctor, things will always be "not as they should be".

--- The Doctor likely had something to do with every historical event, ever.

--- The Doctor always wins. Even when he loses, he wins.

--- Donna misses everything.

--- Amy is clearly not good enough to receive a TARDIS key.

--- The Time Lords aren't really all they're cracked up to be.

--- The oldest living human woman was born a man. (I would think this amazing, if she wasn't a bitchslut.)

--- Cybermen are nothing like Cyborg from DC Comics. Don't get your hopes up.

--- Televisions almost always bear bad news.

--- Marriage is bad. Except when it's not.

--- At least traffic's not as bad as it was in New New New New New New New New New New New New New New New York.

--- Be on the look-out for giant animals: pigs, wasps, beetles, fish, etc...

--- The Doctor SUCKS at being human.

--- Paradoxes are bad. Except when they are worse.

--- You know, my fat is perfectly happy where it is. No need to animate it.

--- There's a reason people don't trust child prodigies, Luke Rattigan. You're really just perpetuating the problem.

--- Well damn, my cell phone service sucks compared to what the Doctor's got.

--- Atmospheric problems? No worries! Just light that shit on fire!

--- Only Daleks could get a paint job and call it evolution.

--- If you have a police box and six people, you can fly the Earth anywhere.

--- If a strange man in a blue box appears and offers to take you to unprecedented locations, SAY YES.