Scars
August 6th, 1982
That evening, Remus finds himself taking the London Underground. It is a cool, clear evening, the air crisp in a way more common to October than August. He watches the people sitting near him-women with shopping bags, children, dogs; men in business suits, carrying briefcases, large wrapped canvases, guitar cases; young couples curled together, older couples standing near enough each other to feel what the younger couples do, only more quietly. He wonders if any of them are watching him in turn. He has always been very nondescript.
There have been multiple occasions on which Remus has been in Dumbledore’s office. It never changes much, which makes him feel like everything else should have stayed the same also, stuck in the happier times that Remus remembers, when he was first here. The day he came to Hogwarts. He remembers it well, being eleven-the things that happened, anyway. He cannot quite remember any longer what it feels like to be young, though at 22 he is hardly old. That first time he spoke to Dumbledore-anxious, sleepy, hopeful-will stick in his mind forever. A new Gryffindor, keeping secrets from his fellows. He asked Dumbledore, that day, what he should say to his dorm mates, if they asked about his scars. And Dumbledore told him how he himself had a scar that was an exact map of the London Underground, just by his left knee. How scars can come in handy. He’s not sure that his ever have.
Remus needs to think, to process what Dumbledore has told him, and he has always thought best in transit, between places. Most wizarding transport is not conducive to this. Certainly not Apparition or the Floo, and Remus no longer has a broom. So he takes the Tube.
The idea that Sirius could be innocent is an incredible one. At the same time, it makes so much sense. Remus does not think he would ever have believed Sirius capable of such treachery, were it not for incontrovertible truth that Sirius had been the Secret Keeper. That it could only have been him. To discover that there is a very real possibility that it was not him, that it was Peter, makes Remus feel blinded. Like the truth has been hiding behind corners all this time, just out of reach. A few more steps, a few more facts, and the truth is caught.
Remus had known that Sirius distrusted him, near the end. He had seen why-he was the obvious choice, so good at keeping secrets from his friends and from himself. It had taken them two years of knowing him to discover the first of his secrets. It had taken him much longer than that to realize another truth, why Sirius’ distrust hurt him more than any of the others’. He had hated knowing that Sirius kissed him looking for answers, wondering whether Remus was the traitor. But that was what Voldemort’s most powerful weapon had always been.
“May I sit here?” She is a Muggle woman, in a grey jacket and long blue skirt, blonde hair loose over her shoulders. She looks pleasant. Ever so slightly plump, smiling, carrying a book. Remus likes her instantly.
“Of course.” He gestures to the seat next to him, and she sits down.
“Going home?” she asks.
“Something like that.” Remus is not actually sure where he is going-he got on the first train that came by. But he doesn’t think she really needs to know that.
“Me too. Do you work around here?” Normally, Remus would mind her questioning, but he doesn’t. And suddenly, he finds himself telling her the whole sideways, messy, desperately awful story. Leaving out the parts that mention things like Voldemort and magic, because she is a Muggle, and those aren’t the parts that really matter. The parts that matter are Lily and James, and Harry, and Sirius, and trust and friendship and betrayal, and how the betrayal is easier to bear knowing now as he does that he no longer has to hate someone he should love.
And he does know. Telling the story aloud makes it sound more believable. She listens and watches Remus’ face, and believes him. She trusts Sirius, a man she has never met, and tells Remus so.
They get off the train at the same station, though Remus has no idea which station this is. When they emerge into the air and fading light, he realizes that he is in the neighbourhood of Sirius’ old flat, the tiny one in which they shared their first kiss the second time around, and in which Remus Lupin was not betrayed by Sirius Black.