I started reading my journal:
It is so enthusiastic sometimes and so innocent early on. Most of the really depressing entries are either private or remain unwritten. It does give me a handle on myself somewhat. I am going to try to update more, only because as I read through some older, short entries, I remembered so vividly the days I'd described, not in a sad reminiscent way, but almost as an outsider to my own life. Like an observer of my past self.
One thing that I notice is that, while what I've written isn't dishonest, it isn't honest either because I have a great tendency to gloss over what is actually most important to me. I am not going to do that anymore, and as a show of good faith, I will tell you how I've changed. (As soon as I make a gin gimlet. Pardon.)
Okay. As some of you know, I am converting to Catholicism. This was both very long in coming, and a very abrupt decision. I had been hanging around the fringes of faith for a long while. Reading some of the earlier entires in my journal reminds me, not that I'd forgotten, of how much I've changed my views on God, religion, politics, and morality, and how gradual the change was, though at first it came very much from specific events in my life that I've never written about. I am converted, not through despair, but from thanks and through other converts. I can't write my conversion story tonight, but I will sometime. I am still new to religious life, and deeply self-conscious. God is strange and mysterious, in addition to everything else that you might hear about Him. I have faith, and it is rationally satisfying in a way that atheism never was. The world makes sense.
I have accepted everything that Catholics are taught, and I intend to follow it all, even the things that I don't yet understand and can't really defend.
I will become a Catholic the day before Easter this year.
One thing that I notice is that, while what I've written isn't dishonest, it isn't honest either because I have a great tendency to gloss over what is actually most important to me. I am not going to do that anymore, and as a show of good faith, I will tell you how I've changed. (As soon as I make a gin gimlet. Pardon.)
Okay. As some of you know, I am converting to Catholicism. This was both very long in coming, and a very abrupt decision. I had been hanging around the fringes of faith for a long while. Reading some of the earlier entires in my journal reminds me, not that I'd forgotten, of how much I've changed my views on God, religion, politics, and morality, and how gradual the change was, though at first it came very much from specific events in my life that I've never written about. I am converted, not through despair, but from thanks and through other converts. I can't write my conversion story tonight, but I will sometime. I am still new to religious life, and deeply self-conscious. God is strange and mysterious, in addition to everything else that you might hear about Him. I have faith, and it is rationally satisfying in a way that atheism never was. The world makes sense.
I have accepted everything that Catholics are taught, and I intend to follow it all, even the things that I don't yet understand and can't really defend.
I will become a Catholic the day before Easter this year.