I give you permission to hate me
Seriously. I'm really sorry for not updating nor replying to comments; I have a crap load of things happening this year and one mistake will cost dearly and could possibly ruin everything. D: But besides that, I wanted to talk about the dream I had last night. @__@ You can stop reading if this doesn't spark your interest. xD
Although I tend to forget about my dreams once I wake up, this dream still feels fresh and I still remember most of the details... and it's been bothering me all morning so I just thought writing about it would make me feel better? I don't know but it's worth a shot. xD
Some info before I start: The person I am in my dreams is 100% me. I mean, whatever I do/think/say in my dream is what I would do in real life. I never do anything completely out of my personality and sometimes, that irritates me. >_<; Ok on to the dream.
I don't remember the beginning but somehow I get into a relationship with a very wealthy man a few years my senior and to say the least, I feel very insecure. Seriously, who wouldn't? A HOT man with money, power, and experience (take it however you want it) decided that he wants to be in a relationship with a young no name college student who has nothing to offer except her devotion and love. Corny I know but this isn't one of those "oh but he loves her for her and doesn't care about keeping an image" but it's not as harsh as the opposite... Well, maybe.
Anyways, I think I got clingy. @__@ He doesn't push me away as if he didn't care for me but keeps his distance sometimes. Then THAT day happened. I open the door to his apartment and see him standing up with a bare chest and a few feet away on his bed was a women with the definition of BARE, black hair and tanned skin. I don't remember what it was I was carrying but I dropped it and ran away, heartbroken. I could have lived pass this if that was the end of our relationship because it would've meant that he never cared about me that way and I was right all along but then I wouldn't be writing about it right now.
He ran. After me.
His apartment complex somehow became a maze and I ran as fast as I could, not knowing where I was going but did not have the strength left to stop running and look back. I knew he was behind me, catching up in an alarming rate but I kept running as if my life depended on it. I finally see a door and for some reason told myself that once I get pass this door, it'll all be over. Everything will end. I looked towards the door as if it was my salvation but once again, things couldn't end that easily and nice.
He caught me. Embraced me. And I lost all will for salvation.
I cried in his arms as my knees gave out and he lowered both of us towards the floor. Beyond the emotions of sadness or frustration, I was just utterly confused. Finally able to find my voice, I let out a barely audible whisper.
"Why can't you just let me go?"
"... I'm sorry."
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
That's all he said.
It wasn't an "I'm sorry for cheating on you," nor an "I'm sorry for making you cry." It was an "I'm sorry for making you suffer but I can't let you go. No matter how many tears are shed, how strong the pain, I can't let you go."
Since this was in fact my dream, I knew the meaning behind his cryptic words. In his life of business, corruption, and lust, he needed me. He needed my innocence and purity to have a balance and yet he couldn't give up his other life. He only touched me when it was absolutely necessary in fear that I would become tainted. It was obvious that my love for him completely outweighed his "love" for me but my pain did affect him. My tears caused him pain. My insecurity caused him pain. My wanting to leave everything definitely caused him pain.
And yet we continued as if nothing happened. Fortunately, I did not find him in bed (or next to) with another woman ever again but the distance was still there. My hesitation was still there. And when he was busy one night because of work, my tears were still there. And yet he held my entire being and I never again thought about that door I was so close to but never opened. And probably never will.
Sorry if my dream sounded too much like a fanfic but I couldn't think of any other way of writing it without skipping out on important details and emotions felt. But hey, I suck at writing fanfiction so it might have happened anyways. @__@
The whole point of writing this was because this dream came as a surprise. I personality can never imagine myself in this type of relationship or at least never STAYING in this type of relationship but as I mentioned in the beginning, the person I am in dreams is the same exact person I am when I'm awake. So of course this is bothering me. Ahhhhhh!!!!!! >___<;;
If you can give me a few words that would be much appreciated. I don't expect someone to give an entire evaluation of my dream but an opinion would probably calm the storm in my head. Anything will be fine! Thank you in advance!!!! ^^
Although I tend to forget about my dreams once I wake up, this dream still feels fresh and I still remember most of the details... and it's been bothering me all morning so I just thought writing about it would make me feel better? I don't know but it's worth a shot. xD
Some info before I start: The person I am in my dreams is 100% me. I mean, whatever I do/think/say in my dream is what I would do in real life. I never do anything completely out of my personality and sometimes, that irritates me. >_<; Ok on to the dream.
I don't remember the beginning but somehow I get into a relationship with a very wealthy man a few years my senior and to say the least, I feel very insecure. Seriously, who wouldn't? A HOT man with money, power, and experience (take it however you want it) decided that he wants to be in a relationship with a young no name college student who has nothing to offer except her devotion and love. Corny I know but this isn't one of those "oh but he loves her for her and doesn't care about keeping an image" but it's not as harsh as the opposite... Well, maybe.
Anyways, I think I got clingy. @__@ He doesn't push me away as if he didn't care for me but keeps his distance sometimes. Then THAT day happened. I open the door to his apartment and see him standing up with a bare chest and a few feet away on his bed was a women with the definition of BARE, black hair and tanned skin. I don't remember what it was I was carrying but I dropped it and ran away, heartbroken. I could have lived pass this if that was the end of our relationship because it would've meant that he never cared about me that way and I was right all along but then I wouldn't be writing about it right now.
He ran. After me.
His apartment complex somehow became a maze and I ran as fast as I could, not knowing where I was going but did not have the strength left to stop running and look back. I knew he was behind me, catching up in an alarming rate but I kept running as if my life depended on it. I finally see a door and for some reason told myself that once I get pass this door, it'll all be over. Everything will end. I looked towards the door as if it was my salvation but once again, things couldn't end that easily and nice.
He caught me. Embraced me. And I lost all will for salvation.
I cried in his arms as my knees gave out and he lowered both of us towards the floor. Beyond the emotions of sadness or frustration, I was just utterly confused. Finally able to find my voice, I let out a barely audible whisper.
"Why can't you just let me go?"
"... I'm sorry."
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
That's all he said.
It wasn't an "I'm sorry for cheating on you," nor an "I'm sorry for making you cry." It was an "I'm sorry for making you suffer but I can't let you go. No matter how many tears are shed, how strong the pain, I can't let you go."
Since this was in fact my dream, I knew the meaning behind his cryptic words. In his life of business, corruption, and lust, he needed me. He needed my innocence and purity to have a balance and yet he couldn't give up his other life. He only touched me when it was absolutely necessary in fear that I would become tainted. It was obvious that my love for him completely outweighed his "love" for me but my pain did affect him. My tears caused him pain. My insecurity caused him pain. My wanting to leave everything definitely caused him pain.
And yet we continued as if nothing happened. Fortunately, I did not find him in bed (or next to) with another woman ever again but the distance was still there. My hesitation was still there. And when he was busy one night because of work, my tears were still there. And yet he held my entire being and I never again thought about that door I was so close to but never opened. And probably never will.
Sorry if my dream sounded too much like a fanfic but I couldn't think of any other way of writing it without skipping out on important details and emotions felt. But hey, I suck at writing fanfiction so it might have happened anyways. @__@
The whole point of writing this was because this dream came as a surprise. I personality can never imagine myself in this type of relationship or at least never STAYING in this type of relationship but as I mentioned in the beginning, the person I am in dreams is the same exact person I am when I'm awake. So of course this is bothering me. Ahhhhhh!!!!!! >___<;;
If you can give me a few words that would be much appreciated. I don't expect someone to give an entire evaluation of my dream but an opinion would probably calm the storm in my head. Anything will be fine! Thank you in advance!!!! ^^