Divine Intervention Part 5
Title: Divine Intervention [Part 5]
Rating: PG-13
Pairing/Characters: Jason/Peter
Summary: Jesus, seeing Peter's depression following Jason's suicide, decides to give them both a second chance. The catch, Jason won't remember anything after Ivy's party. Peter is about to be visited by the Virgin Mary bearing some very unpleasant news.
Warning: Abuse of ellipses in speech
Perhaps had it happened a week or so ago, he would've only felt somewhat let down, hurt and disappointed, or perhaps even a little angry, lost in a land of futile dreams doomed to be unfulfilled.
Instead, he was fucking terrified.
The angel might've said that 'things' would get worse before they got better, but this wasn't just 'worse'. It wasn't fair; they hadn't even given him a chance to do anything, to even try. The Church always maintained that God was so loving, but this only seemed like heartless cruelty, to tell him in the first place, then make it so that the very revelation was meaningless, because there was nothing he could fucking do.
Because now Jason wouldn't even talk to him, wouldn't even answer his phone, the traitor, though Peter knew he almost always kept it on. He'd already called three times, one time, it seemed, for every time his namesake had denied Jesus, and every time it felt more and more like a denial, like a painful reminder of Jason's actions in public. He'd never thought it would extend to private matters. Then again, he'd never expected Jason to break up with him over Matt's outburst, which really, none of the others seem to have taken seriously. After all, everyone knew that Matt was jealous of Jason due to Ivy's rather unfortunate crush.
His phone rang then, a generic ringtone because Peter could never really decide on a song, and the caller ID made his heart skip a beat in surprise. He really hadn't expected Jason to call him back, especially not so soon. Quickly, before the other boy could change his mind and hang up, he answered. "Hi,"
"Hey," came Jason's voice over the line, sounding as unsure and hesitant as the day they'd first kissed. It was unfamiliar, hearing Jason like that, when normally he was so confident, almost cocky really, amusement mixed in with obvious affection. An uncomfortable silence followed their greetings, and Peter thinks he really ought to say something, especially since he'd called first, and there must've been something he'd have said if Jason answered, but his mind is as blank as Diane's on the first day of rehearsals, and so instead it's Jason who finally breaks the silence.
"Look I just… You probably don't want to talk to me…" And his phone must be displaying all of Peter's missed calls, so how can he think that? How could he ever think that, because Peter could listen to Jason's voice all day. "I just… I didn't… Ivy came to talk to me and… Look, I just wanted to… I'm sorry, okay?" and it's awkward for the first time between them, and Peter's thoughts are suddenly all over the place, and he really doesn't get where Jason's trying to go with all this.
Jason hangs up, and Peter stares at the phone until his mother calls him downstairs for dinner. His father had cancelled again. He switches the light off, and tries not to think about how everyone important in his life seems to be abandoning him all at once.
The train runs late just to spite him, and they stumble bleary-eyed into the deserted entrance hall, just past the stroke of midnight. Somewhere on an upper floor, a bunch of loud freshmen are celebrating, most probably a birthday or something, and the kaleidoscopic lights flicker as they sign in on black, leathery notebook that forms the students' register. Nadia mutters something about being ecstatic to be momentarily free from both their parents and Ivy, but Jason barely notices, because Peter came back that day, and the simple knowledge of that almost makes him a wreck. He hides it well though, a practiced art, and repeats the over-used joke about Ivy never sleeping alone anyway, so surely they must end up in the boys' rooms sometimes. And all of a sudden Nadia's gaze seems sharply accusing in the half-light, so he hurriedly adds a "Not that I would know. Anyway, see you tomorrow. Breakfast?" as he turns away.
"Yeah," she mutters, and they walk in opposite directions, his heard thudding like an obscenely loud drum in his ears, because it was still Peter; and he'd thought he could do this, but with every step, he's just proving to himself just how much he can't.
It takes him a ridiculously short time to reach his dorm room, for once not interrupted by various teammates or random girls he'd never been interested in. He flicks the light on and stops abruptly, startled out of breath.
Peter is sprawled out like a damning offering on Jason's bed, half-tangled in the pale sheets and turned mostly towards him. His hair is mussed and curling at his neck, and he looks sweet and angelic, and still as beautiful as Jason had always thought him. But he's twisting and twitching, obviously in the grasp of some terrible nightmare, and the honourable thing, what Jason should do, is to just wake him up. Logically, he's probably only there because he was exhausted by the time he arrived and simply flopped down on the nearest bed, and Peter in his bed should not mean so much to him anymore. His suitcase is stood in the corner, and even now that's a relief, because he'd feared that Peter might've tried to swap rooms with someone, or move in with Lucas, who'd been alone since the Stubbs' had moved away to France and taken Connor along with them.
That's what he should do, but at the moment it's all he can do not to take Peter into his arms and just hold him, and God, surely he should've noticed when he'd become such a sappy girl. Well, thankfully not literally because then there'd be no hope for him and Peter, no matter how much more socially acceptable their relationship would become, although at least it would've gotten Ivy off his back.
"Don't," Peter murmurs, voice heavy with sleep, and it's obvious he doesn't realise, but even so, Jason still freezes at the sound of his voice. "Die. Leave. Please. Please. Please,"and the last one is almost a moan, but not the pleasant kind Jason had become so used to hearing, and it startles him. Somehow, Peter always seemed too innocent for the kind of nightmares that plagued Jason, dreams where everyone, God included, turned against them, sometimes only against him, because in the very worst ones Peter would leave, mocking him cruelly, even though in real life Peter was almost never cruel, and questioning how Jason could have ever supposed that Peter could love somebody like him, and when he wakes up from nightmares so vivid they seem real, Peter is usually his only comfort.
"Jase," Peter murmurs, softer now, and he thinks 'oh, what the hell,' because it could be some kind of sign, right? So he strips down, leaving his clothes lying haphazardly on the carpet and clambers into bed, his bed; next to Peter who melts into him with a sigh and a murmur that's too low for him to hear; and thinks that it's several degrees of wrong that simply lying there with Peter feels so much more right than kissing Ivy had, unless God has some sort of thing about celibacy, in which case they're kind of doomed anyway.
Peter wakes up early, half-covered by something warm and entirely too familiar. Someone who shouldn't even be back yet, because he'd come back earlier just so he could get away from it all, come back without Jason there. And now, he was there, as if just to spite Peter, although he had to admit it was kind of pleasant, albeit in a rather torturous way. Although perhaps this was a way of making things right, a second or perhaps even third chance from God, after he'd screwed up by not doing anything fast enough. Or perhaps he was even still sleeping, and Jason's presence was only a dream. After all, even if Jason had come back, he'd no longer be sleeping in Peter's bed, so it's not like his dream even makes sense.
Dream-Jason certainly feels real though, draped half-over Peter, and he's still heavy enough for it to be uncomfortable. And the object of his fantasy burrows closer to him, almost snuggling, which is something the real Jason rarely did, except in those rare times where he messed up on a test or had a bad sports practice, or woke up from a nightmare and needed to be comforted, not that he'd have ever admitted to it.
"Gods, Pete. You in my bed is so fucking hot, you know," he mutters, and Peter freezes, because although his subconscious probably knows Jason's voice enough to reproduce it, there's no way he's masochistic enough to imagine the way Jason feels, warm, tingling skin sliding effortlessly against his own, or the way he smells, summer and fresh citrus fruit and sharp sea salt, the mere trace of which never fails to get Peter immediately hard.
"Jase. Jason. Jason!" he calls, shaking the other boy gently, and waiting till Jason's eyes open slowly.
"Morning," he mutters sleepily, and Peter has to struggle to fight off a smile, because for all that this whole situation doesn't make sense, there's an underlying normalcy underneath it all and really, this is what he'd missed for the past week.
"Why are you in my bed?" he asks, starting with the obvious, partly with the ridiculous hope that it would have all been a dream, and they were still together, and everything was going to be fine.
Jason frowns for a second, disorientated with sleep, then laughs, partially a chuckle with a hint of a sigh, and answers that it's actually his bed. And with a start, Peter realises that he's actually right, but he'd become so used to waking up in Jason's bed that he hadn't even realised.
He smiles sheepishly, and watches Jason brush a hand through messy hair and smile fondly at him, thinks that this should probably be uncomfortable as hell.
And in a way it kind of is, as Jason turns towards him with a reluctant sigh, "Peter, what happened at the rehearsal… it was messed up and, I'm sorry. And my apology… hell, my apology was even worse." He laughs, but it's forced, and Peter has to smile despite himself, because Jason is never nervous, except that he totally is.
"Yeah, it really was. Worst apology I ever heard," he comments idly, and thinks it's obvious from the way Jason's eye twitches that he really wants to tell him to shut up.
"Look, I just… I don't want it to be like this. And I know I overreacted, but I really like being with you, and damn… you're really much better at words than me. It's kind of like that song you like, the 'My Life Would Suck Without You' one, you know, the terrible one; and well, mine really would." And really, it's kind of romantic in its own, terrible way, even the insult to his taste in music, and Peter has to close his eyes and smile against the darkness for a minute at the pure power of it, because for once it's Jason asking, begging him for something, and he really shouldn't be so tempted to take advantage of the situation.
"So, basically you want to pretend the last week never happened?" he asks.
"I know its lame," Jason says, grinning with forced nonchalance that's never worked on Peter anyway.
"Fair enough," he says, and grins at the surprise that flushes momentarily over Jason's face. "But"
"You want to come out." Jason interrupts with an exasperated fondness, because they've had that conversation before. "My parents…", and Peter knows that it's the time for a compromise that'll be on his terms for once.
"No," he answers firmly, and watches Jason's eyes flash to his. "Not necessarily. Look, let's just try to bring up gays, and see how our friends react. I mean, they can't all be homophobes, so we could tell them, and like, Nadia and Lucas will probably be cool with it. But I do want to tell my mom."
"Great, so she'll tell my mom, who'll immediately call my dad, and they'll come down here, and then everyone will know." He really shouldn't be surprised, Jason's defence mechanism had always been sarcasm, but it still stings.
"Not necessarily," he says, and Jason scoffs and tells him that his family are not just going to suddenly become completely different people.
"No, like not necessarily about us, I just want to come out to her. She's my mom, I need her to know," and he hates the childish way his voice turns pleading, and Jason's jaw tightens ever so slightly but his eyes soften, and really, Peter is not lying. It'll be easier that way, because once she accepts him, because she'll have to eventually; he's her only son, and he knows that she loves him, despite the fact that they seem to have so little in common these days, it'll be a much smaller step for her to accept his relationship, and really, it's going to be hard enough for Jason with his own parents.
His boyfriend (because if they're considering the break-up after rehearsal to have never happened then Jason is still/once again his secret boyfriend) looks reluctant, but he agrees and that's enough.
"Besides," Peter adds with a smile, because there's at least one part of the visit/vision he can tell Jason about, "I had this dream or vision the other night, and it was of the Virgin Mary, and she was black and she had all these back-up singers, and she said that God doesn't mind, you know, people like us, so it's fine."
Jason chuckles, "That's probably at least partly wishful thinking. Anyway, I think Ivy will figure it out pretty soon."
Peter frowns, because although Ivy fancies herself in love with Jason and so spends a lot of time watching him, it's also made her much more likely to overlook anything potentially damning when it comes to them.
"I tried to sleep with her," he elaborates apologetically, but even so Peter can't breathe, because Jason and Ivy?, and he knows that he's probably being glaringly obvious about how jealous and betrayed he feels, but it doesn't matter, because even if Jason's being upfront about it, it doesn't turn time back, doesn't help. As he turns away, he wonders what made Ivy refuse.
"Not like that!" Jason hisses, and his face is suddenly too close to Peter's, pushing him back against the bed. "I couldn't, because all I kept thinking about was you."
Peter kisses him then, hard and desperate and wanting, even though there are a thousand things they haven't talked about yet, and really need to; and doesn't pull away until his lungs scream for air and Jason's eyes are glazed over, and he thinks that maybe there's some semblance of hope left for them after all.
Part 6
Rating: PG-13
Pairing/Characters: Jason/Peter
Summary: Jesus, seeing Peter's depression following Jason's suicide, decides to give them both a second chance. The catch, Jason won't remember anything after Ivy's party. Peter is about to be visited by the Virgin Mary bearing some very unpleasant news.
Warning: Abuse of ellipses in speech
Perhaps had it happened a week or so ago, he would've only felt somewhat let down, hurt and disappointed, or perhaps even a little angry, lost in a land of futile dreams doomed to be unfulfilled.
Instead, he was fucking terrified.
The angel might've said that 'things' would get worse before they got better, but this wasn't just 'worse'. It wasn't fair; they hadn't even given him a chance to do anything, to even try. The Church always maintained that God was so loving, but this only seemed like heartless cruelty, to tell him in the first place, then make it so that the very revelation was meaningless, because there was nothing he could fucking do.
Because now Jason wouldn't even talk to him, wouldn't even answer his phone, the traitor, though Peter knew he almost always kept it on. He'd already called three times, one time, it seemed, for every time his namesake had denied Jesus, and every time it felt more and more like a denial, like a painful reminder of Jason's actions in public. He'd never thought it would extend to private matters. Then again, he'd never expected Jason to break up with him over Matt's outburst, which really, none of the others seem to have taken seriously. After all, everyone knew that Matt was jealous of Jason due to Ivy's rather unfortunate crush.
His phone rang then, a generic ringtone because Peter could never really decide on a song, and the caller ID made his heart skip a beat in surprise. He really hadn't expected Jason to call him back, especially not so soon. Quickly, before the other boy could change his mind and hang up, he answered. "Hi,"
"Hey," came Jason's voice over the line, sounding as unsure and hesitant as the day they'd first kissed. It was unfamiliar, hearing Jason like that, when normally he was so confident, almost cocky really, amusement mixed in with obvious affection. An uncomfortable silence followed their greetings, and Peter thinks he really ought to say something, especially since he'd called first, and there must've been something he'd have said if Jason answered, but his mind is as blank as Diane's on the first day of rehearsals, and so instead it's Jason who finally breaks the silence.
"Look I just… You probably don't want to talk to me…" And his phone must be displaying all of Peter's missed calls, so how can he think that? How could he ever think that, because Peter could listen to Jason's voice all day. "I just… I didn't… Ivy came to talk to me and… Look, I just wanted to… I'm sorry, okay?" and it's awkward for the first time between them, and Peter's thoughts are suddenly all over the place, and he really doesn't get where Jason's trying to go with all this.
Jason hangs up, and Peter stares at the phone until his mother calls him downstairs for dinner. His father had cancelled again. He switches the light off, and tries not to think about how everyone important in his life seems to be abandoning him all at once.
The train runs late just to spite him, and they stumble bleary-eyed into the deserted entrance hall, just past the stroke of midnight. Somewhere on an upper floor, a bunch of loud freshmen are celebrating, most probably a birthday or something, and the kaleidoscopic lights flicker as they sign in on black, leathery notebook that forms the students' register. Nadia mutters something about being ecstatic to be momentarily free from both their parents and Ivy, but Jason barely notices, because Peter came back that day, and the simple knowledge of that almost makes him a wreck. He hides it well though, a practiced art, and repeats the over-used joke about Ivy never sleeping alone anyway, so surely they must end up in the boys' rooms sometimes. And all of a sudden Nadia's gaze seems sharply accusing in the half-light, so he hurriedly adds a "Not that I would know. Anyway, see you tomorrow. Breakfast?" as he turns away.
"Yeah," she mutters, and they walk in opposite directions, his heard thudding like an obscenely loud drum in his ears, because it was still Peter; and he'd thought he could do this, but with every step, he's just proving to himself just how much he can't.
It takes him a ridiculously short time to reach his dorm room, for once not interrupted by various teammates or random girls he'd never been interested in. He flicks the light on and stops abruptly, startled out of breath.
Peter is sprawled out like a damning offering on Jason's bed, half-tangled in the pale sheets and turned mostly towards him. His hair is mussed and curling at his neck, and he looks sweet and angelic, and still as beautiful as Jason had always thought him. But he's twisting and twitching, obviously in the grasp of some terrible nightmare, and the honourable thing, what Jason should do, is to just wake him up. Logically, he's probably only there because he was exhausted by the time he arrived and simply flopped down on the nearest bed, and Peter in his bed should not mean so much to him anymore. His suitcase is stood in the corner, and even now that's a relief, because he'd feared that Peter might've tried to swap rooms with someone, or move in with Lucas, who'd been alone since the Stubbs' had moved away to France and taken Connor along with them.
That's what he should do, but at the moment it's all he can do not to take Peter into his arms and just hold him, and God, surely he should've noticed when he'd become such a sappy girl. Well, thankfully not literally because then there'd be no hope for him and Peter, no matter how much more socially acceptable their relationship would become, although at least it would've gotten Ivy off his back.
"Don't," Peter murmurs, voice heavy with sleep, and it's obvious he doesn't realise, but even so, Jason still freezes at the sound of his voice. "Die. Leave. Please. Please. Please,"and the last one is almost a moan, but not the pleasant kind Jason had become so used to hearing, and it startles him. Somehow, Peter always seemed too innocent for the kind of nightmares that plagued Jason, dreams where everyone, God included, turned against them, sometimes only against him, because in the very worst ones Peter would leave, mocking him cruelly, even though in real life Peter was almost never cruel, and questioning how Jason could have ever supposed that Peter could love somebody like him, and when he wakes up from nightmares so vivid they seem real, Peter is usually his only comfort.
"Jase," Peter murmurs, softer now, and he thinks 'oh, what the hell,' because it could be some kind of sign, right? So he strips down, leaving his clothes lying haphazardly on the carpet and clambers into bed, his bed; next to Peter who melts into him with a sigh and a murmur that's too low for him to hear; and thinks that it's several degrees of wrong that simply lying there with Peter feels so much more right than kissing Ivy had, unless God has some sort of thing about celibacy, in which case they're kind of doomed anyway.
Peter wakes up early, half-covered by something warm and entirely too familiar. Someone who shouldn't even be back yet, because he'd come back earlier just so he could get away from it all, come back without Jason there. And now, he was there, as if just to spite Peter, although he had to admit it was kind of pleasant, albeit in a rather torturous way. Although perhaps this was a way of making things right, a second or perhaps even third chance from God, after he'd screwed up by not doing anything fast enough. Or perhaps he was even still sleeping, and Jason's presence was only a dream. After all, even if Jason had come back, he'd no longer be sleeping in Peter's bed, so it's not like his dream even makes sense.
Dream-Jason certainly feels real though, draped half-over Peter, and he's still heavy enough for it to be uncomfortable. And the object of his fantasy burrows closer to him, almost snuggling, which is something the real Jason rarely did, except in those rare times where he messed up on a test or had a bad sports practice, or woke up from a nightmare and needed to be comforted, not that he'd have ever admitted to it.
"Gods, Pete. You in my bed is so fucking hot, you know," he mutters, and Peter freezes, because although his subconscious probably knows Jason's voice enough to reproduce it, there's no way he's masochistic enough to imagine the way Jason feels, warm, tingling skin sliding effortlessly against his own, or the way he smells, summer and fresh citrus fruit and sharp sea salt, the mere trace of which never fails to get Peter immediately hard.
"Jase. Jason. Jason!" he calls, shaking the other boy gently, and waiting till Jason's eyes open slowly.
"Morning," he mutters sleepily, and Peter has to struggle to fight off a smile, because for all that this whole situation doesn't make sense, there's an underlying normalcy underneath it all and really, this is what he'd missed for the past week.
"Why are you in my bed?" he asks, starting with the obvious, partly with the ridiculous hope that it would have all been a dream, and they were still together, and everything was going to be fine.
Jason frowns for a second, disorientated with sleep, then laughs, partially a chuckle with a hint of a sigh, and answers that it's actually his bed. And with a start, Peter realises that he's actually right, but he'd become so used to waking up in Jason's bed that he hadn't even realised.
He smiles sheepishly, and watches Jason brush a hand through messy hair and smile fondly at him, thinks that this should probably be uncomfortable as hell.
And in a way it kind of is, as Jason turns towards him with a reluctant sigh, "Peter, what happened at the rehearsal… it was messed up and, I'm sorry. And my apology… hell, my apology was even worse." He laughs, but it's forced, and Peter has to smile despite himself, because Jason is never nervous, except that he totally is.
"Yeah, it really was. Worst apology I ever heard," he comments idly, and thinks it's obvious from the way Jason's eye twitches that he really wants to tell him to shut up.
"Look, I just… I don't want it to be like this. And I know I overreacted, but I really like being with you, and damn… you're really much better at words than me. It's kind of like that song you like, the 'My Life Would Suck Without You' one, you know, the terrible one; and well, mine really would." And really, it's kind of romantic in its own, terrible way, even the insult to his taste in music, and Peter has to close his eyes and smile against the darkness for a minute at the pure power of it, because for once it's Jason asking, begging him for something, and he really shouldn't be so tempted to take advantage of the situation.
"So, basically you want to pretend the last week never happened?" he asks.
"I know its lame," Jason says, grinning with forced nonchalance that's never worked on Peter anyway.
"Fair enough," he says, and grins at the surprise that flushes momentarily over Jason's face. "But"
"You want to come out." Jason interrupts with an exasperated fondness, because they've had that conversation before. "My parents…", and Peter knows that it's the time for a compromise that'll be on his terms for once.
"No," he answers firmly, and watches Jason's eyes flash to his. "Not necessarily. Look, let's just try to bring up gays, and see how our friends react. I mean, they can't all be homophobes, so we could tell them, and like, Nadia and Lucas will probably be cool with it. But I do want to tell my mom."
"Great, so she'll tell my mom, who'll immediately call my dad, and they'll come down here, and then everyone will know." He really shouldn't be surprised, Jason's defence mechanism had always been sarcasm, but it still stings.
"Not necessarily," he says, and Jason scoffs and tells him that his family are not just going to suddenly become completely different people.
"No, like not necessarily about us, I just want to come out to her. She's my mom, I need her to know," and he hates the childish way his voice turns pleading, and Jason's jaw tightens ever so slightly but his eyes soften, and really, Peter is not lying. It'll be easier that way, because once she accepts him, because she'll have to eventually; he's her only son, and he knows that she loves him, despite the fact that they seem to have so little in common these days, it'll be a much smaller step for her to accept his relationship, and really, it's going to be hard enough for Jason with his own parents.
His boyfriend (because if they're considering the break-up after rehearsal to have never happened then Jason is still/once again his secret boyfriend) looks reluctant, but he agrees and that's enough.
"Besides," Peter adds with a smile, because there's at least one part of the visit/vision he can tell Jason about, "I had this dream or vision the other night, and it was of the Virgin Mary, and she was black and she had all these back-up singers, and she said that God doesn't mind, you know, people like us, so it's fine."
Jason chuckles, "That's probably at least partly wishful thinking. Anyway, I think Ivy will figure it out pretty soon."
Peter frowns, because although Ivy fancies herself in love with Jason and so spends a lot of time watching him, it's also made her much more likely to overlook anything potentially damning when it comes to them.
"I tried to sleep with her," he elaborates apologetically, but even so Peter can't breathe, because Jason and Ivy?, and he knows that he's probably being glaringly obvious about how jealous and betrayed he feels, but it doesn't matter, because even if Jason's being upfront about it, it doesn't turn time back, doesn't help. As he turns away, he wonders what made Ivy refuse.
"Not like that!" Jason hisses, and his face is suddenly too close to Peter's, pushing him back against the bed. "I couldn't, because all I kept thinking about was you."
Peter kisses him then, hard and desperate and wanting, even though there are a thousand things they haven't talked about yet, and really need to; and doesn't pull away until his lungs scream for air and Jason's eyes are glazed over, and he thinks that maybe there's some semblance of hope left for them after all.
Part 6