Siblings - By kath_synecdoche
Title: Siblings
Rating: PG
Pairing/Characters: Peter, Nadia
Summary: Nadia goes to Peter for comfort after.
Author's Note: This is this first bare fic I've ever written, which means... if you have constructive criticism, that would be very much appreciated.
Warnings: plot spoilers for the end, but that's about it.
Disclaimer: Don't own it. Wish I did.
Siblings
I was in such a desperate state. I wanted to just fall down and die - not an emotion I was unfamiliar with, but the situation was so different, I couldn’t bear it alone.
I thought about going to Lucas. I could get something; that could take the pain away for a bit. But then I remembered that that was what Jason had done, and I couldn’t bear to think of the idea anymore. I needed to actually talk to someone, to talk to someone who knew what I was going through, who understood.
I went up to Jason’s room. I knew he would be there. And he was.
I wasn’t crying anymore - I’d learnt to numb to pain quickly - but Peter still had many tears to shed. He was lying on Jason’s bed, crying into his pillow. I sat down on the other bed - his bed.
He was the one person who I knew would be feeling this as much - more - than I was. Ivy didn’t count, too wrapped up in her pain to feel the sorrow. Peter though, my brother’s lover, his roommate, his best friend - he would know what I meant. He would understand.
“Hi,” I said softly, not wanting to disturb him, yet overwhelmingly wanting to.
He looked up. “Oh,” he muttered, “it’s you.” He turned back to the pillow. Its colour had changed from the constant flow of tears. Peter muttered something about it as he buried his head into the pillow once again.
The empathy I had being secretly hoping for was altogether lacking. I wanted to say something snarky, something normal, but I didn’t know what that could be. And I didn’t want to throw him over the edge - he already looked so close to it.
In a most untypical moment, I settled for the truth, plain and simple. “I was hoping we could talk.”
“Why don’t you talk to someone else about it Nadia - Ivy, or Matt, or Lucas, or Father even! Can’t you see that I want to be alone?” His reply was muffled by the pillow, but the anger was still clear.
“Ivy is too wrapped up in herself - her, her child, whatever is she going to do - she’s not even sad yet.” I always felt free to be snarky about Ivy - even if I did feel bad for her. “Matt’s in a state because he has to write a speech that he doesn’t think he should be writing; he has other problems. And I thought about going to talk to Lucas. But he will be high, as always, ignoring the problem rather than dealing with it. And besides, that’s what Jason did. I can’t be the same as him. I can’t!”
“But I don’t want you here! I don’t want anyone here! I just want... to be alone.” It was rather clear that that wasn’t the ending he had originally intended, but that he had censored his mind to stop him from dreaming of the impossible.
But really, his stubborn refusal to help me with what I needed was just painful. And so, even though I had been trying so hard to master it, the sarcasm, and with it the anger, spilled out.
“We’re all hurting; do you really think you’re alone in this? Peter, he was my brother!” I snapped. “I know you loved him! I did too. He loved you; he loved me. So why do we have to suffer alone!”
Peter lifted his head and looked at me. Really looked at me, like he had only just remembered that I was related to Jason. “You have the same blue eyes,” he said.
I was puzzled beyond belief. What did that have to do with anything? Why now? All I could manage was “We should, we are twins,” before I realized that I had used present tense. I couldn’t make myself change it. I would crack.
Peter caught on. We both sat there, paralyzed with fear that we would start the flow of tears in the other. Eventually, I couldn’t stand it anymore. I bent over to give him a sisterly peck on the cheek - just like I would have done for Jason, when no one was watching.
I don’t know quite what happened. Not really. We bonded - that would be the best way to describe it, but it makes it seem so insignificant. It really wasn’t. We became really close.
Sure, it was a little bit awkward sometimes. Especially around Mom and Dad. But we were there for each other, friends, and now siblings.