The Whole World
Has the whole bleeding world lost its mind or are simply the people I know the ones with the ailment? And is it contagious? I, myself, must be mad, for being here, in this position, this situation, in such a submissive state, for so long with no active will to get out. I have it, though, it's just hard pressed to find, unfortunately. I had hope, to obtain a former position with same hours but higher pay. To think, I lost it to a younger girl, one with no prior experience with the pecular "company." I didn't even get a courtesy call from the PTB, telling me one way or another. Which, in my book, is extremely rude given the situation.
I cleaned out the Media Player and readded all the music from the central music so now the house is pumping to the most random and unusual sounds from Bloodhound Gand to Sevendust to Killer Ellipses. I've even got a few country songs thanks to Brett and the cowgirl inside of me. But enough of my current music taste. This is meant to be of something else. Something oozing with shocked awed as best as one can accomplish given the restriction of the written word.
What am I shocked and awed about? Three weeks before he's back and I am still unemployed; lacking a job, money, and everything else I was chasing after eight months ago. How could I just let the time slip right by me? Not to say I didn't try, the recently acquired tan will testify to my diligent questing of employment, so still come up empty handed. I half wonder if the PTB are set against me and mine, finding amusement in seeing us struggle as we are. What a bunch of jackasses.
It seems I'm the only one who hasn't moved on since graduation, since life threw us to the curb, and it saddens me. I'm spoiled. I'm used to things being easy. I'm used to laying around, accomplishing nothing. These are my faults. Ones I've recognized finally, with a heavy heart. I meant to write about the world, but it seems I've sidetracked to talk about myself, how selfish and incredibly predictable.
In My World
there are so many boys,
men really,
but we mustn't tell them that
one is tying the knot
to a girl he just met
he's unsure if it's love
or if it's obligation
my red head wants advice
thinking i can get him out of it
and i could
i suppose
but where would that leave him?
her?
us?
no, i'll not worsen things
i'll help them
with sincerity
and a sad smile
that he won't notice
there's no such things as true love
but who am i to belittle what flame may exist?
another, one i have mixed feelings towards
is with child
to go with his first
from another woman
he's to marry the second mother
i'll never understand the way he thinks
i laughed when he was hurt
severely
and now
guilt eats me alive
whist a tiny voice continues to whisper
he deserved it
after what he did to me
a third
knows so little of me
compared to the first two
but he's close to my heart
whether he believes it or not
is with another
tied down by more than a chain
with a little one on the way
my heart screams at the injustice of it all
but i got what was coming to me
as he did
with the 'lady of his life'
my throat constricts
and it's difficult to breathe
i'm not over him
though i'll not admit it elsewhere
i'm sure the others know
they're aren't exactly idiots afterall
a fourth
confronts me
confounds
confuses
then abandons
for weeks on end
only to be seen on a handful of days
what is expected of me here?
what am i supposed to do?
act like the child and ignore him too?
another
a new one
a fresh face
amongst the strangely familiar
befriending the bad guy
whilst i'm the traitor
he doesn't know the story
his roomie isn't saying anything
and my mouth is sewn shut
limitless potential
if i had that high of hopes
but we all know
i won't go further
sorry to disappoint.
Prince Charming in so many forms
with matching Cinderellas waiting in the wings.
so much for my happy ending
§
I cleaned out the Media Player and readded all the music from the central music so now the house is pumping to the most random and unusual sounds from Bloodhound Gand to Sevendust to Killer Ellipses. I've even got a few country songs thanks to Brett and the cowgirl inside of me. But enough of my current music taste. This is meant to be of something else. Something oozing with shocked awed as best as one can accomplish given the restriction of the written word.
What am I shocked and awed about? Three weeks before he's back and I am still unemployed; lacking a job, money, and everything else I was chasing after eight months ago. How could I just let the time slip right by me? Not to say I didn't try, the recently acquired tan will testify to my diligent questing of employment, so still come up empty handed. I half wonder if the PTB are set against me and mine, finding amusement in seeing us struggle as we are. What a bunch of jackasses.
It seems I'm the only one who hasn't moved on since graduation, since life threw us to the curb, and it saddens me. I'm spoiled. I'm used to things being easy. I'm used to laying around, accomplishing nothing. These are my faults. Ones I've recognized finally, with a heavy heart. I meant to write about the world, but it seems I've sidetracked to talk about myself, how selfish and incredibly predictable.
In My World
there are so many boys,
men really,
but we mustn't tell them that
one is tying the knot
to a girl he just met
he's unsure if it's love
or if it's obligation
my red head wants advice
thinking i can get him out of it
and i could
i suppose
but where would that leave him?
her?
us?
no, i'll not worsen things
i'll help them
with sincerity
and a sad smile
that he won't notice
there's no such things as true love
but who am i to belittle what flame may exist?
another, one i have mixed feelings towards
is with child
to go with his first
from another woman
he's to marry the second mother
i'll never understand the way he thinks
i laughed when he was hurt
severely
and now
guilt eats me alive
whist a tiny voice continues to whisper
he deserved it
after what he did to me
a third
knows so little of me
compared to the first two
but he's close to my heart
whether he believes it or not
is with another
tied down by more than a chain
with a little one on the way
my heart screams at the injustice of it all
but i got what was coming to me
as he did
with the 'lady of his life'
my throat constricts
and it's difficult to breathe
i'm not over him
though i'll not admit it elsewhere
i'm sure the others know
they're aren't exactly idiots afterall
a fourth
confronts me
confounds
confuses
then abandons
for weeks on end
only to be seen on a handful of days
what is expected of me here?
what am i supposed to do?
act like the child and ignore him too?
another
a new one
a fresh face
amongst the strangely familiar
befriending the bad guy
whilst i'm the traitor
he doesn't know the story
his roomie isn't saying anything
and my mouth is sewn shut
limitless potential
if i had that high of hopes
but we all know
i won't go further
sorry to disappoint.
Prince Charming in so many forms
with matching Cinderellas waiting in the wings.
so much for my happy ending
§