Universe some ridiculously high number, Bardsbitch 0.
I have been inexplicably cheerful lately. No apparent reason, just...cheerful. It's been an enjoyable break from classes, things go amazingly well w/ the diet and exercise and all (weigh in this weekend, so we'll let you know the official month weight loss next week sometime), I feel great, I look great, things go well.
Ah, but today the universe struck back.
I overslept.
My computer isn't working. Now, this is an annoyance, but not catastrophic...except....
I had told my students to email me if they wanted to meet w/ me between 8 and 10 am. I had no way of knowing if anybody had emailed me, and might be planning on meeting w/ me in the am, so insteadof cleaning the apt and taking care of some home business before going to my eyebrow waxing appt, I had to haul ass to campus IN CASE somebody wanted to meet w/ me.
Again..this is annoying, but not quite catastrophic yet. My kitchen needs cleaned, badly, though, because....
My sink is clogged.It has drained, very very slowly, but the the bottom of it is all full of ...clogged sink detritus.
and I cant' call to get the sink fixed until I can clean the kitchen.
but...deep breath. I'm cheerful, my karma is good, blah blah blah...
I've loaded the dishwasher, and have gone to iron and dress, cuz even in a hurry, I"m a vain ass bitch and I"m not going to campus in a wrinkly skirt.
I'm very much in my own head...trying to figure out when the FUCK I'mma get everything done I need to get done, and slightly preoccupied, now dressed, running into the kitchen to get a cup to pour some coffee in, very distracted....
so I don't even notice that sink is overflowing w/ nasty whatever has clogged it dishwater til the lid to the coffee cup falls in it, splashing said water all over the aforementioned freshly pressed skirt.
I REALLY do not have time to deal w/ this, as students MAY be waiting for me.
So I throw towels on the floor, change clothes, wake hoodlums to offer them ice cream if they clean the house for me, and dash out the door.
In my rush to be accessable a bunch of entitled little shits, I forget to have breakfast. This is becoming an alarmingly common occurance. I had a mango smoothie, non-dairy. Fabulous. But, really, when it comes to the rub, it's mango juice and ice.
Tasty? Hells yea.
Filling? Not so much.
Now, boys and girls...do you think any actual students showed up to talk about their papers?? Do you think any of them had even emailed me??
If you said "no, of course not silly girl, they don't give a fuck about their papers..they probably haven't even started them yet" You Win!!!!
But at least I got some papers graded.
Then, it was off to eyebrow waxing. I was excited about this, cuz I got this really good deal on a package w/ a new beauty parlor. It's all the way across town, but....my eyebrows look kinda like brooke shields in the 80's and are starting to sneak slowly across the line to Kahlo land, so it must be done.
eyebrow waxing, for the tripods reading this, is a markedly unpleasant experience. Of course it is...they put hot wax on your face, and rip your eyebrow hair out by the roots. For this privilege, we pay them, and listen to the male folk talking about "pampering" ourselves.
fucking hurm.
So, I get that done, and I"m all red and splotchy and markedly Not Hott, but my eyebrows look good.
(in the interest of keeping this already too long rant shorter, and maintaining the amusement I'm [hopefully] developing based on all the shit that's going wrong today, I will not at this time discuss the 'one minute manicure' or the parafin wax treatment)
Now, remember the tasty smoothie?
It wore off about half way through the waxing, and my tummy started to make noises far more appropriate to a a horriying scene in a "dick and farts" joke movie. Loudly. Remember, it has only had mango juice and ice cleverly disguised as breakfast at this point.
I'm starving. I'm splotchy. (my hands are like silk,though)
That taken care of, I'm off to lunch before heading back to campus to sit around and wait for students who never show up, but I have to be there Just. In. Case.
I get to Choos Choos. They have nice vegetarian choices, and I could eat the hell out of some eggless fried rice, yo.
I order my veggie delight, my eggless fried rice. I even decide to splurge and get a diet coke. (I haven't had a diet coke in 3 weeks.) I remember, vaquely through the haze of hunger, irritation, and how bad is the kitchen gonna be when I get home, that miso soup is something I should be able to eat. Its seaweed, right? seaweed and tofu?
Oh, wait, we call it "sea vegetables" now.
I'll get some soup,I think to myself. To slake my hunger before my lunch comes, and then, I will not make a womanbearpig of myself.
Then, I opened my wallet to pay for this eagerly anticipated repast, and realize....I have forgotten to tip the hairdresser.
Shit.
So, I call the salon, and tell them what happened, and that I will be back right after I eat to give the woman her tip. Now, I really don't want to to this, I'm low on gas (which is expensive as FUCK these days. But. It's not even, for me, an option not to.
You know how when you're really really hungry, you just sort ...of shovel the food in your mouth w/o really tasting it much?
so, I get through about half the bowl before I realize that it tastes more like chicken broth than sea vegetables.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
So, I ask the very helpful, patient man if there is chicken broth in the miso soup.
he goes to the back, and I hear most of his end of the convo w/ the very nice polite non-native English speaker in the back.
He comes back and tells me "it's mostly tofu"
This is not a straight answer, and I feel, strongly that I have been duped, and that I have inadverently (though also through carelessness,one of the secrets of successful veganism is "CONSTANT VIGILANCE") eaten chicken broth.
I'm completly convinced that I'm going to become violently intenstinally disturbed at some point in the near future, but I don't care.
I want some fuckin food for my facehole!!!
So, there was an incident that can only be described as "rice debauchery" I ate that rice like I was an underage groupie, and the rice was the lead singer of some forgettable band that is Very Big in Europe. I did everything but ...wallow obscenely in that rice.
I probably ate more in one sitting than I've been eating in a whole day lately.
So, now I'm (probably psychosomatically) nauseous from the meaty badness after 3 weeks and way too full, my BS is through the roof, and there is still overflowed messy badness to cope w/ at the hizzle.
oh, and BTW...
STILL NO STUDENTS.
listening to: "Click Click Boom", Saliva
Watching tonight: probably nothing, I have rehersal
Wishing: I had eaten slightly less rice.
Golden Thong award goes to: The Younger Son,who managed to fix the interwebs for me.
a brick in a stocking to the head of: Where do I even start???
Ah, but today the universe struck back.
I overslept.
My computer isn't working. Now, this is an annoyance, but not catastrophic...except....
I had told my students to email me if they wanted to meet w/ me between 8 and 10 am. I had no way of knowing if anybody had emailed me, and might be planning on meeting w/ me in the am, so insteadof cleaning the apt and taking care of some home business before going to my eyebrow waxing appt, I had to haul ass to campus IN CASE somebody wanted to meet w/ me.
Again..this is annoying, but not quite catastrophic yet. My kitchen needs cleaned, badly, though, because....
My sink is clogged.It has drained, very very slowly, but the the bottom of it is all full of ...clogged sink detritus.
and I cant' call to get the sink fixed until I can clean the kitchen.
but...deep breath. I'm cheerful, my karma is good, blah blah blah...
I've loaded the dishwasher, and have gone to iron and dress, cuz even in a hurry, I"m a vain ass bitch and I"m not going to campus in a wrinkly skirt.
I'm very much in my own head...trying to figure out when the FUCK I'mma get everything done I need to get done, and slightly preoccupied, now dressed, running into the kitchen to get a cup to pour some coffee in, very distracted....
so I don't even notice that sink is overflowing w/ nasty whatever has clogged it dishwater til the lid to the coffee cup falls in it, splashing said water all over the aforementioned freshly pressed skirt.
I REALLY do not have time to deal w/ this, as students MAY be waiting for me.
So I throw towels on the floor, change clothes, wake hoodlums to offer them ice cream if they clean the house for me, and dash out the door.
In my rush to be accessable a bunch of entitled little shits, I forget to have breakfast. This is becoming an alarmingly common occurance. I had a mango smoothie, non-dairy. Fabulous. But, really, when it comes to the rub, it's mango juice and ice.
Tasty? Hells yea.
Filling? Not so much.
Now, boys and girls...do you think any actual students showed up to talk about their papers?? Do you think any of them had even emailed me??
If you said "no, of course not silly girl, they don't give a fuck about their papers..they probably haven't even started them yet" You Win!!!!
But at least I got some papers graded.
Then, it was off to eyebrow waxing. I was excited about this, cuz I got this really good deal on a package w/ a new beauty parlor. It's all the way across town, but....my eyebrows look kinda like brooke shields in the 80's and are starting to sneak slowly across the line to Kahlo land, so it must be done.
eyebrow waxing, for the tripods reading this, is a markedly unpleasant experience. Of course it is...they put hot wax on your face, and rip your eyebrow hair out by the roots. For this privilege, we pay them, and listen to the male folk talking about "pampering" ourselves.
fucking hurm.
So, I get that done, and I"m all red and splotchy and markedly Not Hott, but my eyebrows look good.
(in the interest of keeping this already too long rant shorter, and maintaining the amusement I'm [hopefully] developing based on all the shit that's going wrong today, I will not at this time discuss the 'one minute manicure' or the parafin wax treatment)
Now, remember the tasty smoothie?
It wore off about half way through the waxing, and my tummy started to make noises far more appropriate to a a horriying scene in a "dick and farts" joke movie. Loudly. Remember, it has only had mango juice and ice cleverly disguised as breakfast at this point.
I'm starving. I'm splotchy. (my hands are like silk,though)
That taken care of, I'm off to lunch before heading back to campus to sit around and wait for students who never show up, but I have to be there Just. In. Case.
I get to Choos Choos. They have nice vegetarian choices, and I could eat the hell out of some eggless fried rice, yo.
I order my veggie delight, my eggless fried rice. I even decide to splurge and get a diet coke. (I haven't had a diet coke in 3 weeks.) I remember, vaquely through the haze of hunger, irritation, and how bad is the kitchen gonna be when I get home, that miso soup is something I should be able to eat. Its seaweed, right? seaweed and tofu?
Oh, wait, we call it "sea vegetables" now.
I'll get some soup,I think to myself. To slake my hunger before my lunch comes, and then, I will not make a womanbearpig of myself.
Then, I opened my wallet to pay for this eagerly anticipated repast, and realize....I have forgotten to tip the hairdresser.
Shit.
So, I call the salon, and tell them what happened, and that I will be back right after I eat to give the woman her tip. Now, I really don't want to to this, I'm low on gas (which is expensive as FUCK these days. But. It's not even, for me, an option not to.
You know how when you're really really hungry, you just sort ...of shovel the food in your mouth w/o really tasting it much?
so, I get through about half the bowl before I realize that it tastes more like chicken broth than sea vegetables.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
So, I ask the very helpful, patient man if there is chicken broth in the miso soup.
he goes to the back, and I hear most of his end of the convo w/ the very nice polite non-native English speaker in the back.
He comes back and tells me "it's mostly tofu"
This is not a straight answer, and I feel, strongly that I have been duped, and that I have inadverently (though also through carelessness,one of the secrets of successful veganism is "CONSTANT VIGILANCE") eaten chicken broth.
I'm completly convinced that I'm going to become violently intenstinally disturbed at some point in the near future, but I don't care.
I want some fuckin food for my facehole!!!
So, there was an incident that can only be described as "rice debauchery" I ate that rice like I was an underage groupie, and the rice was the lead singer of some forgettable band that is Very Big in Europe. I did everything but ...wallow obscenely in that rice.
I probably ate more in one sitting than I've been eating in a whole day lately.
So, now I'm (probably psychosomatically) nauseous from the meaty badness after 3 weeks and way too full, my BS is through the roof, and there is still overflowed messy badness to cope w/ at the hizzle.
oh, and BTW...
STILL NO STUDENTS.
listening to: "Click Click Boom", Saliva
Watching tonight: probably nothing, I have rehersal
Wishing: I had eaten slightly less rice.
Golden Thong award goes to: The Younger Son,who managed to fix the interwebs for me.
a brick in a stocking to the head of: Where do I even start???