Death again.
Another restless night is spent thinking about the inevitable, death. I dont know why I think about it so much. I am not depressed and not suicidal. I am very happy with my life, in fact, I have never been happier then with the person I am with today.
Its a curse, to be the intelligent species at times. We are the only species, that I know of, that know about death. Well, other animals know death exist, but I dont think they have the intelligence to comprehend what it is. Nothing, is what im afraid of. Nothing. To stop. To stop thinking, to stop existing. To lack consciousness. All of humanity has had such a long time to think about this. Perhaps, that is why we have gods? I am not saying God doesnt exist, but death would be a good reason to have one. I would love to have faith. To not have to worry about my ideals of not existing.
I dont know where I am on the religious aspect. At one point I think I am agnostic and on some days I feel Atheist. Cant there just be a "Confused" category?
The days that I am Atheist, I ask myself. Why dont cats go to heaven? They are living breathing things, just like us. Is it because they have no soul? If not, why? Why are we special, because we can think and comprehend? Sometimes, I see it as we all die the same way. We stop breathing. To tell you the truth, I would rather burn in hell then stop existing, at least... that way, I can think. I can keep thinking. I can exist. I only have one fear in the world, and thats death. That is because I am afraid of not thinking.
I dont presume for anyone to understand what the hell I am typing about. Maybe, this will seem stupid to some, but I have alot of questions that faith cant really answer, or, I have not found an answer for. Unfortanetly, if they ever cured death, only the rich would be able to aford it, and even then, people living to long would over populate the world. Its a no win situation.
I realize this may all seem very pessimistic. I assure you I am optimistic 90 percent of the time. I guess I think to much during the night. It is getting harder and harder to sleep. I miss falling asleep next to Kim. I have gotten accustomed to it ever since I have been taking her to class in the mornings.
I really do love her, which is probably why its harder to stay away. One can wonder how I went from missing Kim to thinking about death. Well, I dont know myself to tell you the truth. I think I have an unhealthy curiosity with death. In the form of thinking about it, worrying, even though I am 20 years old. I still worry.
Thats all for now, I will feel better in the morning.
Its a curse, to be the intelligent species at times. We are the only species, that I know of, that know about death. Well, other animals know death exist, but I dont think they have the intelligence to comprehend what it is. Nothing, is what im afraid of. Nothing. To stop. To stop thinking, to stop existing. To lack consciousness. All of humanity has had such a long time to think about this. Perhaps, that is why we have gods? I am not saying God doesnt exist, but death would be a good reason to have one. I would love to have faith. To not have to worry about my ideals of not existing.
I dont know where I am on the religious aspect. At one point I think I am agnostic and on some days I feel Atheist. Cant there just be a "Confused" category?
The days that I am Atheist, I ask myself. Why dont cats go to heaven? They are living breathing things, just like us. Is it because they have no soul? If not, why? Why are we special, because we can think and comprehend? Sometimes, I see it as we all die the same way. We stop breathing. To tell you the truth, I would rather burn in hell then stop existing, at least... that way, I can think. I can keep thinking. I can exist. I only have one fear in the world, and thats death. That is because I am afraid of not thinking.
I dont presume for anyone to understand what the hell I am typing about. Maybe, this will seem stupid to some, but I have alot of questions that faith cant really answer, or, I have not found an answer for. Unfortanetly, if they ever cured death, only the rich would be able to aford it, and even then, people living to long would over populate the world. Its a no win situation.
I realize this may all seem very pessimistic. I assure you I am optimistic 90 percent of the time. I guess I think to much during the night. It is getting harder and harder to sleep. I miss falling asleep next to Kim. I have gotten accustomed to it ever since I have been taking her to class in the mornings.
I really do love her, which is probably why its harder to stay away. One can wonder how I went from missing Kim to thinking about death. Well, I dont know myself to tell you the truth. I think I have an unhealthy curiosity with death. In the form of thinking about it, worrying, even though I am 20 years old. I still worry.
Thats all for now, I will feel better in the morning.