(no subject)
I got stickied on the CAD forums, please, tell me what you think.
http://www.cad-forums.com/showthread.php?t=49318 I RECOMMEND READING IT ON THIS LINK, BUT IT IS BELOW AS WELL!! ALso, note that this is to the general public.
This is what I posted on relationships. I post on the "Lovers Lan" forum, which is the relationships forum. Alot of people had trouble, so I thought I would ecompass what I have learned throughout my life. Here it is, tell me what you think:
I feel that in a healthy relationship there a key terms that you need to remember. These would be communication, trust, compromise, caring and support. I feel that these are the glue that holds a relationship together, if you dont have one, then you dont have the others.
"Communication - Is by far the most important because without it you cannot have trust, compromise and etc.. Communication, for those who dont understand the term to well, or who are not familiar with it is basically talking. Spilling the beans, showing all your cards and hoping that the person will have support and compromise to deal with a problem. If you find yourself asking "I am not sure if I should tell him...". Stop. You should, I dont care what it is, if its going to hurt your relationship, how do you think he will feel when you tell him a month later? Alot worse. Even if you cheated on him/her, by telling them immediately is the only chance you have for forgiveness and to get your trust back.
When you have communication with signifcant others you are helping to better your relationship because you are saying "Hey, you appreciate me for my feelings? Well here they are".
Let me close communication with this "No one can read your mind". If your jealous that your boy hits on other women, tell him, if he gets pissed, then maybe he should learn to compromise more.
Communication and Sex - Let me first note to never have sex without a condom or the pill. Foam and that does not cut it. Dont take a chance.
Now that I got that out of the way, with any relationship you need to learn how to talk to your girl or guy. Let them know what you would like to do in bed, when appropriate. If you have been having sexual encounters with him/her for awhile and you are not having a good time, then let them know. Like I have stated before they are not mind readers. You are going to continue to have bad sex if you keep it up, and bad sex is bad for the relationship. If you are having bad sex it is most likely due to bad communication in bed. Bad communication in bed will cause you to not have the position, or whatever you like. Controversly though, you should ask your other what he/she would like to try. Then if its something you would like to try as well, you may proceed. But, if you are offended by the idea of what your other is stating, let them know and come to a compromise.
Side Note: Regarding the question "Can to much sex make it only a physical relationship?" . Answer: No, it doesnt, a whole whole whole WHOLE lot of sex shows a very healthy relationship. It is only physical if you make it that way. What I mean is, if you only use him/her for sex.
Trust - Let me tell you this now, trust is fickle, but strong as an ox. You can build a titanium wall with trust, but by one wronful, untrusting act you could make that wall into dust. It is very easy to lose a persons trust, even if you have known them for years. If a person has been untrustworthy, say cheating on you and the sort, that is for you to decide thier fate. If they have communicated with you, obviously they are sorry for it. It doesnt mean you have to forgive them, but you have to consider your options.
Furthermore, if you want your girl/boy to trust you, you have to not talk about others around them. What I mean by that is, dont hit on other women around her. Dont say "Hes so dam hot" around him, because, even though he/she doesnt say it, it may just make them jealous and hurt thier feelings. And furthermore, if they dont have good communication as shown earlier, they wont let you know until you break up why you are breaking up. So, if anything else, out of common curtesy, dont hit on other men/women in front of your mate. Or at least if she says "He's hot" and it does bother you (There are some relationships where this doesnt apply, some couples arent hurt by all this). Then tell him/her. Its that simple.
I am closing trust with promises. What I mean is, if you feel that you have to promise something, make a point to do it, or give your left arm trying. Dont promise something your not going to do as this leads to your friends, family, or anyone you promised to take your promises very very lightly.
Trust and Cheating - When someone cheats on you, your trust for them is broken, period. Most would say that he/she is not worth it and to dump them. I agree, only because I have been through that whole deal, but not everyone is the same. You can forgive them and you can have a normal relationship afterwards. Keep in mind though, when fights come up, you will be the one thinking "She/he is the one who cheated on me". It will not leave the relationship for a long long long time. It will be a burden and if you really love him/her, there is a chance he/she will not do it again. Most the time this is not true and those that do it once do it again, be careful. Very careful.
Compromise - This is almost as important as communication and I think I have not noticed this one till my recent love. I have dated my girlfriend for a year now, we are drop dead in love with each other. But we have just about nothing in common. Sure we listen to Linkin Park and she is getting into video games and I am going to church with her, but that my friends, is called compromise. I am Athiest and my girlfriend is very much a Christian, I compromised to go to church with her, to support her, which, we will touch on later. In a relationship, if you and your loved one is having a hard time figuring out what movie to go to, or even something serious as "will our children go to church, being your athiest and im christian deal" (Which we had this talk, because we talk alot about future plans, not that I plan to get married to soon). I said yes they should go to church, because I dont have a religious view and I dont press my views on others. But, at the same time if my kids ever asked me how I felt when they were around 18 I would tell them my religious perspective, or lack there of.
Closing with compromise. It could be as little as who got to pick the movie last week. Think about the other person when you compromise, did they have a bad week? Do they deserve a break this one time to see thier movie, even though they saw thier movie las week? Bite your lip and watch that action flick with your guy if he has had a particularly rough time lately.
Caring - If you really feel you care alot about a person, then listen to thier side of the story. Communicate with them and compromise with them, because if you really care how they feel, then you will be less quick to jump to "Well, what about my feelings?". Sometimes, well, alot of the times in a relationship, your feelings should take a back seat at times. This is not to say to be a push over and let them walk all over you, because that is wrong. But, if you would take a minute in your compromising and see it from thier point of view and ask yourself if your asking to much. That should be enough.
Not much else to say about this except that you cant have a relationship without love. Well, you could, but we are talking about relationships that involve caring, not sex buddies.
Caring and Love - Like and love get confused O' to often. I really cant stress how powerful of a word "love" is. It is on the opposite spectrum of "hate". I define hate as, you would not go to the funeral of the person, you would laugh that they are dead. "love" is the opposite. Do not mix it up or you will feel really bad in a relationship. If anything, enjoy your boy/girl, dont love them just yet. Love is being with someone for 5 years and married, that is love and devotion. Going out with Suzie for year and a half is really really like. Close to love, but something could still happen, you dont know Suzie well enough yet.
I am not saying that those that say they love each other after a year are not going to last. No no. They could get married and die together, I am just saying love is a strong word.
Support - Is your man satanic? Does he like to live action role play? Does your woman like to go to church when your a non-believer?
Support is very important when you have a problem with your significant other, but you really have no right to tell them it bothers you. If your man loves to live action role play, and I mean its his passion and you think its dorky and you want him to stop. I feel you dont have a right to. He is having fun and really, is it hurting the relationship? No. I dont live action RP, but I do table top and my girlfriend thought it was so wierd, but she didnt tell me to stop and thats what I love. Now SHE is into role playing, go figure. In any case, when someone is enjoying something they do that doesnt affect you or the relationship, you should support them. Hell, show up to one of his game, maybe you'll find there is something to it thats fun. Go to that church thing with your girlfriend, even if your atheist, BELIEVE me guys, women love it when you support, what they feel, is great. Especially when they know you dont like it, or you think its dorky, but you go there to cheer her on anyway.
Support and Annoyance - If what they're passion is really really bothers you, then you might wanna look somewhere else. No one will give up Jesus for you, im sorry. And you dont have a right to ask them to do so. I am using Jesus as an example."
~Fin~
You guys are free to tell me if some points I have made are wrong. But, this is what I have learned through all my relationships, and much more. I just dont have time to type it all.
http://www.cad-forums.com/showthread.php?t=49318 I RECOMMEND READING IT ON THIS LINK, BUT IT IS BELOW AS WELL!! ALso, note that this is to the general public.
This is what I posted on relationships. I post on the "Lovers Lan" forum, which is the relationships forum. Alot of people had trouble, so I thought I would ecompass what I have learned throughout my life. Here it is, tell me what you think:
I feel that in a healthy relationship there a key terms that you need to remember. These would be communication, trust, compromise, caring and support. I feel that these are the glue that holds a relationship together, if you dont have one, then you dont have the others.
"Communication - Is by far the most important because without it you cannot have trust, compromise and etc.. Communication, for those who dont understand the term to well, or who are not familiar with it is basically talking. Spilling the beans, showing all your cards and hoping that the person will have support and compromise to deal with a problem. If you find yourself asking "I am not sure if I should tell him...". Stop. You should, I dont care what it is, if its going to hurt your relationship, how do you think he will feel when you tell him a month later? Alot worse. Even if you cheated on him/her, by telling them immediately is the only chance you have for forgiveness and to get your trust back.
When you have communication with signifcant others you are helping to better your relationship because you are saying "Hey, you appreciate me for my feelings? Well here they are".
Let me close communication with this "No one can read your mind". If your jealous that your boy hits on other women, tell him, if he gets pissed, then maybe he should learn to compromise more.
Communication and Sex - Let me first note to never have sex without a condom or the pill. Foam and that does not cut it. Dont take a chance.
Now that I got that out of the way, with any relationship you need to learn how to talk to your girl or guy. Let them know what you would like to do in bed, when appropriate. If you have been having sexual encounters with him/her for awhile and you are not having a good time, then let them know. Like I have stated before they are not mind readers. You are going to continue to have bad sex if you keep it up, and bad sex is bad for the relationship. If you are having bad sex it is most likely due to bad communication in bed. Bad communication in bed will cause you to not have the position, or whatever you like. Controversly though, you should ask your other what he/she would like to try. Then if its something you would like to try as well, you may proceed. But, if you are offended by the idea of what your other is stating, let them know and come to a compromise.
Side Note: Regarding the question "Can to much sex make it only a physical relationship?" . Answer: No, it doesnt, a whole whole whole WHOLE lot of sex shows a very healthy relationship. It is only physical if you make it that way. What I mean is, if you only use him/her for sex.
Trust - Let me tell you this now, trust is fickle, but strong as an ox. You can build a titanium wall with trust, but by one wronful, untrusting act you could make that wall into dust. It is very easy to lose a persons trust, even if you have known them for years. If a person has been untrustworthy, say cheating on you and the sort, that is for you to decide thier fate. If they have communicated with you, obviously they are sorry for it. It doesnt mean you have to forgive them, but you have to consider your options.
Furthermore, if you want your girl/boy to trust you, you have to not talk about others around them. What I mean by that is, dont hit on other women around her. Dont say "Hes so dam hot" around him, because, even though he/she doesnt say it, it may just make them jealous and hurt thier feelings. And furthermore, if they dont have good communication as shown earlier, they wont let you know until you break up why you are breaking up. So, if anything else, out of common curtesy, dont hit on other men/women in front of your mate. Or at least if she says "He's hot" and it does bother you (There are some relationships where this doesnt apply, some couples arent hurt by all this). Then tell him/her. Its that simple.
I am closing trust with promises. What I mean is, if you feel that you have to promise something, make a point to do it, or give your left arm trying. Dont promise something your not going to do as this leads to your friends, family, or anyone you promised to take your promises very very lightly.
Trust and Cheating - When someone cheats on you, your trust for them is broken, period. Most would say that he/she is not worth it and to dump them. I agree, only because I have been through that whole deal, but not everyone is the same. You can forgive them and you can have a normal relationship afterwards. Keep in mind though, when fights come up, you will be the one thinking "She/he is the one who cheated on me". It will not leave the relationship for a long long long time. It will be a burden and if you really love him/her, there is a chance he/she will not do it again. Most the time this is not true and those that do it once do it again, be careful. Very careful.
Compromise - This is almost as important as communication and I think I have not noticed this one till my recent love. I have dated my girlfriend for a year now, we are drop dead in love with each other. But we have just about nothing in common. Sure we listen to Linkin Park and she is getting into video games and I am going to church with her, but that my friends, is called compromise. I am Athiest and my girlfriend is very much a Christian, I compromised to go to church with her, to support her, which, we will touch on later. In a relationship, if you and your loved one is having a hard time figuring out what movie to go to, or even something serious as "will our children go to church, being your athiest and im christian deal" (Which we had this talk, because we talk alot about future plans, not that I plan to get married to soon). I said yes they should go to church, because I dont have a religious view and I dont press my views on others. But, at the same time if my kids ever asked me how I felt when they were around 18 I would tell them my religious perspective, or lack there of.
Closing with compromise. It could be as little as who got to pick the movie last week. Think about the other person when you compromise, did they have a bad week? Do they deserve a break this one time to see thier movie, even though they saw thier movie las week? Bite your lip and watch that action flick with your guy if he has had a particularly rough time lately.
Caring - If you really feel you care alot about a person, then listen to thier side of the story. Communicate with them and compromise with them, because if you really care how they feel, then you will be less quick to jump to "Well, what about my feelings?". Sometimes, well, alot of the times in a relationship, your feelings should take a back seat at times. This is not to say to be a push over and let them walk all over you, because that is wrong. But, if you would take a minute in your compromising and see it from thier point of view and ask yourself if your asking to much. That should be enough.
Not much else to say about this except that you cant have a relationship without love. Well, you could, but we are talking about relationships that involve caring, not sex buddies.
Caring and Love - Like and love get confused O' to often. I really cant stress how powerful of a word "love" is. It is on the opposite spectrum of "hate". I define hate as, you would not go to the funeral of the person, you would laugh that they are dead. "love" is the opposite. Do not mix it up or you will feel really bad in a relationship. If anything, enjoy your boy/girl, dont love them just yet. Love is being with someone for 5 years and married, that is love and devotion. Going out with Suzie for year and a half is really really like. Close to love, but something could still happen, you dont know Suzie well enough yet.
I am not saying that those that say they love each other after a year are not going to last. No no. They could get married and die together, I am just saying love is a strong word.
Support - Is your man satanic? Does he like to live action role play? Does your woman like to go to church when your a non-believer?
Support is very important when you have a problem with your significant other, but you really have no right to tell them it bothers you. If your man loves to live action role play, and I mean its his passion and you think its dorky and you want him to stop. I feel you dont have a right to. He is having fun and really, is it hurting the relationship? No. I dont live action RP, but I do table top and my girlfriend thought it was so wierd, but she didnt tell me to stop and thats what I love. Now SHE is into role playing, go figure. In any case, when someone is enjoying something they do that doesnt affect you or the relationship, you should support them. Hell, show up to one of his game, maybe you'll find there is something to it thats fun. Go to that church thing with your girlfriend, even if your atheist, BELIEVE me guys, women love it when you support, what they feel, is great. Especially when they know you dont like it, or you think its dorky, but you go there to cheer her on anyway.
Support and Annoyance - If what they're passion is really really bothers you, then you might wanna look somewhere else. No one will give up Jesus for you, im sorry. And you dont have a right to ask them to do so. I am using Jesus as an example."
~Fin~
You guys are free to tell me if some points I have made are wrong. But, this is what I have learned through all my relationships, and much more. I just dont have time to type it all.