What the HELL did I just write.
ZARLA, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT. ALL OF IT.
Seriously, Juan Corrida...what the hell, man.
Title: (I seriously don't know yet. I'm taking suggestions, though)
part 1 of ?
Fandom: Phoenix Wright
Characters: Phoenix Wright, Juan Corrida, Pearl Fey (sortof)...and other characters will be listed as they show up.
Word Count: 1,252...huh, short by my standards.
Pairings: HA! (Ok, vaguely hinted Phoenix/Maya, if you squint, vague mention of past Celeste/Juan, though not so much in this part.)
Warnings: Some language, weird implications, Juan Friggin' Corrida in a skirt designed for a rather small 8 year old. PURE CRACK. Was supposed to be a one-shot, turned into a multi-parter. (I am so sorry.)
Synopsis: A What-if Fic set during Farewell My Turnabout, wherin a completely random side comment from Phoenix gives Pearl the BRILLIANT IDEA...to Channel the Victim of the case so Mr. Nick can ask him questions~! <3
Clearly, this is a BRILLIANT PLAN that CANNOT FAIL
Perhaps it was the stress of the day finally taking its effect, or maybe it was the overall lack of sleep. Maybe, with the conspicuous absence of Maya, Phoenix had unconsciously decided that the atmosphere JUST WASN’T ABSURD ENOUGH. Somehow. Or maybe it was just the growing sense of doubt that had been building in the back of his mind after the last couple of chats with Adrian, Matt, and Edgeworth; was he really doing the right thing here? But somehow, while Phoenix and Pearl were making one last stop by the office before heading back to the Detention Center for the last interview of the night with his now more than a little dubious client, that the Defense Attorney found himself absentmindedly saying “Heh…it’s times like these that I think these cases would be so much easier if I could just talk to the victim…”
“Talk… Mr. Corrida?” said Pearl, a sudden light coming into her tired little eyes. “Oh, Mr. Nick, why didn’t we think of that sooner, that’s a GREAT idea! This is his picture, right? Hold on, it should only take a moment…”
Phoenix started, as he’d mostly been talking to himself. He spun around to face the tiny spiritualist-in-training, the words ‘HOLD IT!’ already forming in his mouth. Before he could raise a single protest, or yell that he was just kidding it wouldn’t help really, or even yell out that wait wait he actually wanted to talk to Celeste Inpax…it was already too late. The now familiar face of the young actor stared at him, confusion in those dark, direct eyes, from underneath Pearl’s trademark hairstyle.
Somehow, he couldn’t quite stop himself from glancing downward; and just as quickly, he forced himself to look back up at Juan Corrida’s face and ONLY his face. (Ok…I’ve officially confirmed that the Kurain channeling technique really DOES produce a VERY complete transformation! Also, I now know a little bit about Mr. Corrida’s religious beliefs. That makes for two new fun facts that I never knew I never wanted to know…)
Phoenix was so traumatized by this new information…and, frankly, so busy wondering how a man with the stature and build of the Jammin’ Ninja could even FIT into Pearl Fey’s tiny training outfit without bursting it open at the seams (No, no, BAD BRAIN, quit giving me unwanted images)…that he barely registered that his ghostly visitor had somehow pulled a blade of grass from nowhere and casually placed it between his lips.
The Deceased actor glanced down at himself, raising his eyebrow slightly. He looked up at Phoenix again, opened his mouth as if to say something…and then looked down at himself again. After several long, awkward moments, Juan finally looked up and met the Defense Attorney’s horrified stare. He then said pretty much what any reasonably sane person would say under these circumstances.
“Ok, who are you, where is this, and why am I wearing a dress?”
“It’s…a long story…” said Phoenix weakly, fumbling as he took off his jacket and wordlessly held it out to the younger man
Juan evenly met his gaze for several long moments before accepting the jacket and tying it around his waist. (Note to self: Get jacket dry-cleaned as soon as I have free time.) He then coughed and said, "…so talk, then. Let’s start with the part where I’m suddenly not dead.”
“Well…”
Juan listened to the story pretty calmly, all things considered…at least up until Phoenix revealed whom, exactly he was and what his involvement in the case was.
“Are you telling me.” Said Juan, his voice dangerously even. “That you are a SCUMBAG DEFENSE LAWYER…” the temperature in the room dropped dangerously “working for that LYING” a mysterious wind started blowing “CHEATING” papers started to fly everywhere, and Phoenix dove to catch Charley before the plant could hit the ground “BACKSTABBING SON OF A BITCH” and somehow only just missed being smacked when the framed poster of the Nickel Samurai all but flew off the wall and smashed to the ground “MATT FUCKING ENGARDE?!? IS THAT WHAT YOU ARE SAYING TO ME?!!!!!!!!”
(Aaaaaaaahhh, Pearl, you unleashed an angry poltergeist in my office, this is the opposite of helping!)
“NO…well, ok, YES, b-b-but hear me out please…ACK NOT THE LAW BOOKS NOT THE LAW BOOKS! OH GOD HOW ARE YOU ABLE TO LIFT ANYTHING THAT HEAVY…”
“HEAR. YOU. OUT? WHY WOULD I WANT TO LISTEN TO ANYTHING YOU HAVE TO SAY, YOU…YOU…”
“BECAUSE I’M NOT SURE ANYMORE IF MATT REALLY IS INNOCENT…”
The enraged ghost strode across the floor of the office and grabbed the cowering Defense Lawyer by the lapels. Lifting him partway off the ground, he snarled directly into his face “Then. Why. Are. You. DEFENDING him?”
“Because…the assassin…the one who was hired to kill you…he kidnapped my…my friend…this girl.” Gasped Phoenix, shakily fishing a picture of Maya out of his pocket and holding it out for Juan to see. The ghost snatched the photo one handed, and stared at it intently, the other hand still holding tightly to Phoenix’s lapel. “Said if I don’t get an acquittal, she dies…”
Juan Corrida’s expression remained the same, but the chaos in the office slowly died down. He finally let go of the lawyer, and who slid boneless to the ground, shaking uncontrollably. (Hooray. I just discovered that I’m terrified of ghosts. Or actors. Or the ghost of actors. Did I just wet myself. Why am I babbling.) Nick watched as the channeled ghost paced the floor restlessly, eyes still fixed on the photo. After several tense moments, he stopped, walked back over to Phoenix, and pulled him roughly to his feet.
“Alright, then. Tell me the rest, and make it good, Lawyer.”
(Wow. He said that in the exact same tone you’d use to say, like…Scumbag. Still…at least he’s not trying to kill me anymore. Progress?) Phoenix shook his head and reordered his thoughts, before launching into his revised explanation. It took some time, as the actor kept interrupting to ask for clarifications or more details. He seemed especially interested in finding out more about Maya, and exactly what her relationship with Phoenix was. His dark eye brow raised a bit when he was told about Mia, and went up even higher when Nick explained as best he could about the Fey family and the channeling technique. (“Wait, you mean, I’m possessing a…an 8 year old girl here?” “That’s about the size of it…” “That is just wrong on so many levels.” “I’m honestly trying not to think about it too hard.”) All the time he was talking, he was aware of time passing, and was becoming more and more anxious about how long Edgeworth could actually keep the Detention Center open for him. There was still that one last set of Psyche Locks he needed to deal with on Matt…
Finally, Juan relaxed and leaned against Phoenixes desk. “Alright, Lawyer. I think I’ve heard enough.”
“…And…?”
“And what? It should be obvious, even if it isn’t obvious to you yet, that Engarde is the one responsible for all this. You’d be an idiot to even TRY to defend this douchebag over Adrian. But…” his eyes dropped back down to the picture again. “But I get why yer doing it. I dunno what you want me to do, or if I can even help ya at all, but…but I’ll do what I can. I’ll be damned before I sit by and just watch him destroy another innocent women.”
TO BE CONTINUED aaaaaaaaaaaaa
Notes:
-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
-JUAN FRIGGIN' CORRIDA WHY BRAIN WHY
*cough* Ok...This whole business started because I got really really really interested in a random side character fro zarla's Lady Zombie AU...that is, one of Lady Smoker's ex-boyfriends, the infamous Juan. (Who memorably made his first named appearance in THIS sketchpost. And I now have about FOUR different fics featuring or starring this guy in the works now, and three of them are set in the CureTown AU.
Juan in LadyVerse is NOT Juan Corrida (I don't think), however, he is loosely based on him.
For whatever that is worth, given that Juan Corrida is a minor character with no lines who dies at the very beginning of the case he appears in and never gets a proper full body portrait. So, LadyVerse Juan served to make me get REALLY interested in ORIGINAL Juan, which made me replay the damn case in question which made me go into this "but is he REALLY such an asshole" type speculation. (After all, the guy never gets to speak for himself, so the two biggest accounts we have of his character come from a sociopath who hates him, and a woman who is understandably biased against him. And I can't be the only one who thought that there was something MAJORLY sketchy about Celeste's suicide...)
Long story short THIS CRACK FIC was born.
I am SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SORRRRYYYY aaaaahhhh
But yeah, I'm going for a FLAWED but ultimately noble interpretation of Juan here...that is most of his assholishness comes from Matt's influence. (And the fact that he was still pretty young...I mean, come on, the guy was 19 when he proposed to Celeste, as far as I'm concerned he was still a stupid hotheaded teenager then.)
-ZARLA THIS IS YOUR FAULT I BLAME YOoooooooooOOOOOUUUUUuuuuuuUUUUUUuuuuuu
-I always like Phoenix's deadpan snarker asides; I"m not sure I did a very good job mimicking them here.
-It's 6 in the morning what is wrong with meeeee.