(no subject)
It seems like everytime I update, its when I am upset and need to vent. And once again here is another one. hah. This isnt the right place to do it but who the hell do I say all of this to? Not one person could completely understand all my feelings inside and maybe why I am the way I am. That is life I guess. Well, I worry all the time about everything! A lot I worry about Jed because I want this to be perfect, no fights and that is completely ridiculous because no relationship is perfect and it might be boring if we were so happy all the time. I just want him to be happy with me, truly happy, and not find anyone else. And that right there is ridiculous too because he is happy with me, he has said so, hes still with me, and he wont find anyone else because he wants our life together. I know all of these things but when I am in this mood where I feel like im not good enough, I cant help but feel those things and think them and worry. That is just the way I am and that I cant help. And if I ever said those things to him he would just give me that look he gives me when he thinks I am being stupid.. hahah and it is stupid. and I will read this tomorrow and be like wtf.. I was thinking that? why?
I have been so stressed about school..hah I have fairly easy classes but just the thought of me graduating and wanting to do so good and worrying about college and if I will do good with that. It makes me sick to think that I am graduating. Yeah I am sooo excited to get the hell out of the school but I hate change and I don't want my close friends that I love so much to move away and most of them are.
Just today and yesterday I have been unhappy and of course this will pass, as it always does. And my life really isnt that bad. I have a good family life, friends that know when there is something wrong and are there for me, and my wonderful boyfriend, who I truly do love and can't wait for everything to share with him. I guess its just this stage in my life where a lot will be changing, I cant do anything about it, and then I have to do a lot on my own and it just scares me because what if I fail and I end up alone?
Well thats my feelings for the day. Now I have to get ready for school at 11, then go to work, and talk to Jed. hah I hope hes in a good mood because its nice to talk to him when hes all happy of course. Then I will probably work on some stupid project thats due like next week..great!
I have been so stressed about school..hah I have fairly easy classes but just the thought of me graduating and wanting to do so good and worrying about college and if I will do good with that. It makes me sick to think that I am graduating. Yeah I am sooo excited to get the hell out of the school but I hate change and I don't want my close friends that I love so much to move away and most of them are.
Just today and yesterday I have been unhappy and of course this will pass, as it always does. And my life really isnt that bad. I have a good family life, friends that know when there is something wrong and are there for me, and my wonderful boyfriend, who I truly do love and can't wait for everything to share with him. I guess its just this stage in my life where a lot will be changing, I cant do anything about it, and then I have to do a lot on my own and it just scares me because what if I fail and I end up alone?
Well thats my feelings for the day. Now I have to get ready for school at 11, then go to work, and talk to Jed. hah I hope hes in a good mood because its nice to talk to him when hes all happy of course. Then I will probably work on some stupid project thats due like next week..great!