(no subject)
When this girl at the art museum asked me whom I liked better, Monet or Manet, I said, "I like mayonnaise." She just stared at me, so I said it again, louder. Then she left. I guess she went to try to find some mayonnaise for me.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then, yahoo!, I'd have all my money back.
Mr. Pibb is a poor imitation of Dr. Pepper. Dude didn't even get his degree.
On a traffic light yellow means yield, and green means go. On a banana, it's just the opposite, yellow means go ahead, green means stop, and red means, where the fuck did you get that banana?
Have you ever watched fishing on tv? That'll make you worry about yourself. You're sitting there and you go 'I'm watching fishing. I'm not even fishing, I'm watching fishing. Too lazy to fish. I'm TAPING fishing!' 'Hey, come on over, I got a fishing tape! NO, A NEW ONE!'
A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling,
I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle
"I have long hair, and see, people associate long hair with drug use. I wish long hair was associated with something other than drug use, like 'an extreme longing for cake'. People would see a guy with long hair and say "damn, that fucker eats cake, he's on bundt cake". Mothers telling their daughters "don't bring the cake-eater over here anymore, he smells like flour. Did you notice how his eyes widened when he found out your birthday was fast approaching?"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then, yahoo!, I'd have all my money back.
Mr. Pibb is a poor imitation of Dr. Pepper. Dude didn't even get his degree.
On a traffic light yellow means yield, and green means go. On a banana, it's just the opposite, yellow means go ahead, green means stop, and red means, where the fuck did you get that banana?
Have you ever watched fishing on tv? That'll make you worry about yourself. You're sitting there and you go 'I'm watching fishing. I'm not even fishing, I'm watching fishing. Too lazy to fish. I'm TAPING fishing!' 'Hey, come on over, I got a fishing tape! NO, A NEW ONE!'
A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling,
I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle
"I have long hair, and see, people associate long hair with drug use. I wish long hair was associated with something other than drug use, like 'an extreme longing for cake'. People would see a guy with long hair and say "damn, that fucker eats cake, he's on bundt cake". Mothers telling their daughters "don't bring the cake-eater over here anymore, he smells like flour. Did you notice how his eyes widened when he found out your birthday was fast approaching?"