before i bury myself into chemistry.
i really don't know what to say about life as of now.
schoolwise: im behind in school, and normally that would upset me but, the way i see it, im doing what i love, im living my dream, and if that means graduating later rather than on time, then so be it. school's really been eating away at me but whatever, id rather be in school than not doing anything with my life.
seasonwise: normally the cold fall/winter season that is meant to be shared with another doesn't get to me, but as of lately it has been. this year is so much different than last year. i can only put the blame on myself though. im not saying any of this is good or bad, im just saying that im the only one in control of what i want.
asdfghwise: you only get a three second window to swallow who you are and simultaneously show who you pretend to be. ----> it doesn't matter whether or not you understand. but if you figure it out, it's pretty legitimate information... ive come around full circle with myself for the most part and ive realized there really arent things that are worth waiting for. it sounds like a nice thought, but on paper, you never see the grey. things will always change, people will always leave, some will return, you find, and you will lose... and most of which you wont even know of. it's a beautiful sadness. i think it's that feeling for most that we dont have control over the things we want most, when we actually do, but we just make excuses for why we dont have the things we claim to desire most. it usually takes someone outside yourself to tell you that you can do this, you do deserve better, you will find someone, you can handle this, and its not as bad as you think it is.
and still, people wont listen to what they actually want to hear. it's simplicity and complexity balanced as you see how out of control and yet how in control you are with anything you deal with.
dont wait. i know it's human nature to wait and hope for a better opportunity, but think about every opportunity passed up when you decide to wait instead.