the catalyst was you.
Bad:
everyday, im caring less and less about school, when i know i should care a whole lot more. everyday, it's increasingly becoming less clear to me what i actually want. i know what i want, but i dont know if i can push myself enough to get it. and that bothers me that im finding doubt in myself now as im pursuing childhood dreams. im pretty much at a fork in the road in my life, and not only on one plane, but on multiple planes. i'm usually the one who's sure of almost everything, cause i'm the type of person who will only bet on a sure thing. i've lost touch with a lot of people.
good:
lately, i dont know if its something i've out grown but, ive changed my thoughts of seclusion and fear to putting myself out there a little more, being myself a whole lot more, and living up to who i am. im still working on it though. im a little ashamed of the fact that im still cracking my shell, but it's better late then never. i just hope that you get to understand what im about inside my head, and the kid that i am when no one is watching. and to whom this may concern, if you've tried to keep in touch with me and i havent gotten back to you, i still thank you for keeping me somewhere in your heart, or at least somewhere in the back of your mind. i'm not the best at keeping in touch, but if you know me, you should know that, and if you make an effort, i'll gladly meet you halfway. i'm giving up on the thought of fear, and what it represents because it hasnt done me any good to be afraid, especially of the things you want most. i'm tired of clashing ideas with myself, and banging my head against walls trying to figure out why i do or don't act on certain whims. it's all in progress for me, and even if you dont notice it, the reactions already in motion. oh, and organization has become a BIG part of my life. that definitely is a good thing, because with all the chaos that does occur, it helps to have some order.
jhfbhvdvht:
this one's definitely different. different from the rest. and i don't know what to say or how to act. but i do love everything about her, especially the weird stuff. haha. it's sounds redundant to say that this one is different from all the rest, when that exact line is said every single time someone new comes along, but this is probably the one time i am not being redundant saying it. she is different. and i definitely have not met anyone like her. she's not like any of my friends, [except one], and even then she's still different in a lot of ways. she's one of the most out of the box, original, real, non-stereotypical persons ive ever encountered. and that's probably what gets me. it's the difference that matters cause i'm tired of seeing the same old same old all over the place. it's the similarities i love. its the differences i love, it's the kid in her i love. it's the weird stuff she does. it's the innocence. it's her as a whole. i appreciate her for who she is exactly. it's the fact that she's the most human person i know that i cant categorize. i love her as a whole. AND let me clarify, i dont love her, but i luv her. got it? i like her, but i can say that i love everything about her. she's one of those people who can blend in well with a crowd, but once you find her, and get to know her a little bit, you can spot her a mile way in a crowd of people because she is just that unique. she one of those girls that you cant even label as "oh, she one of those girls" cause even then, she just breaks the mold. she's her own level, her own mold, her own person. and it's exactly that which caused me to write this.
everyday, im caring less and less about school, when i know i should care a whole lot more. everyday, it's increasingly becoming less clear to me what i actually want. i know what i want, but i dont know if i can push myself enough to get it. and that bothers me that im finding doubt in myself now as im pursuing childhood dreams. im pretty much at a fork in the road in my life, and not only on one plane, but on multiple planes. i'm usually the one who's sure of almost everything, cause i'm the type of person who will only bet on a sure thing. i've lost touch with a lot of people.
good:
lately, i dont know if its something i've out grown but, ive changed my thoughts of seclusion and fear to putting myself out there a little more, being myself a whole lot more, and living up to who i am. im still working on it though. im a little ashamed of the fact that im still cracking my shell, but it's better late then never. i just hope that you get to understand what im about inside my head, and the kid that i am when no one is watching. and to whom this may concern, if you've tried to keep in touch with me and i havent gotten back to you, i still thank you for keeping me somewhere in your heart, or at least somewhere in the back of your mind. i'm not the best at keeping in touch, but if you know me, you should know that, and if you make an effort, i'll gladly meet you halfway. i'm giving up on the thought of fear, and what it represents because it hasnt done me any good to be afraid, especially of the things you want most. i'm tired of clashing ideas with myself, and banging my head against walls trying to figure out why i do or don't act on certain whims. it's all in progress for me, and even if you dont notice it, the reactions already in motion. oh, and organization has become a BIG part of my life. that definitely is a good thing, because with all the chaos that does occur, it helps to have some order.
jhfbhvdvht:
this one's definitely different. different from the rest. and i don't know what to say or how to act. but i do love everything about her, especially the weird stuff. haha. it's sounds redundant to say that this one is different from all the rest, when that exact line is said every single time someone new comes along, but this is probably the one time i am not being redundant saying it. she is different. and i definitely have not met anyone like her. she's not like any of my friends, [except one], and even then she's still different in a lot of ways. she's one of the most out of the box, original, real, non-stereotypical persons ive ever encountered. and that's probably what gets me. it's the difference that matters cause i'm tired of seeing the same old same old all over the place. it's the similarities i love. its the differences i love, it's the kid in her i love. it's the weird stuff she does. it's the innocence. it's her as a whole. i appreciate her for who she is exactly. it's the fact that she's the most human person i know that i cant categorize. i love her as a whole. AND let me clarify, i dont love her, but i luv her. got it? i like her, but i can say that i love everything about her. she's one of those people who can blend in well with a crowd, but once you find her, and get to know her a little bit, you can spot her a mile way in a crowd of people because she is just that unique. she one of those girls that you cant even label as "oh, she one of those girls" cause even then, she just breaks the mold. she's her own level, her own mold, her own person. and it's exactly that which caused me to write this.