I'm gone.
I finally left Boise.
I have lived on my own for 3 years already, but I never really left my comfort zone. I got to Montana today to the biggest wave of depression I have ever been hit by. I didn't want to be here, the idea of living here for an entire year seemed excruciating, and I felt so out of place. What the hell am I doing? I know it will be fine, I just hate leaving some things behind. I hate goodbyes so I avoided having to say them while I was home. Every time I saw someone I acted like I would see them again, and then left quietly with as few farewells as possible. But all that left me was feeling like I left everything unfinished. I am sorry to those of you I did that too... all it means was that you mean enough to me that I want to pretend I am not losing you. I tried my hardest not to cry, but failed. Especially when I got into my room here and realized that none of you would be here to talk to me as I unpacked; the way you have been the other 5 times I've moved in the last couple years. So far all I have managed to get done is set up my bed. I should probably just go to sleep knowing I'll feel better in the morning. You always do... I hope.
Wish me luck.
I have lived on my own for 3 years already, but I never really left my comfort zone. I got to Montana today to the biggest wave of depression I have ever been hit by. I didn't want to be here, the idea of living here for an entire year seemed excruciating, and I felt so out of place. What the hell am I doing? I know it will be fine, I just hate leaving some things behind. I hate goodbyes so I avoided having to say them while I was home. Every time I saw someone I acted like I would see them again, and then left quietly with as few farewells as possible. But all that left me was feeling like I left everything unfinished. I am sorry to those of you I did that too... all it means was that you mean enough to me that I want to pretend I am not losing you. I tried my hardest not to cry, but failed. Especially when I got into my room here and realized that none of you would be here to talk to me as I unpacked; the way you have been the other 5 times I've moved in the last couple years. So far all I have managed to get done is set up my bed. I should probably just go to sleep knowing I'll feel better in the morning. You always do... I hope.
Wish me luck.