the story of a strange girl i met at an arcade (part 3)
oh dear... i think end of this post puts me at 98/262 posts (though final tally includes responses from readers, still, go quite a bit to go)
i'll finish the rest when i wake up.
And a bit more time passes, and I was slightly depressed. Wasn't her doing.
I had thought that maybe she already had a boyfriend, and that she had already forgotten about me...
It was always fun with her at the arcades, and we often ate together as well.
So I had thought that she needed me as much as I needed her.
One day, I suddenly got a cryptic text messae.
"A big showdown is about to happen soon. I'll make sure I win."
---
A showdown? What is she talking about?
Some exam to get a job somewhere? Or maybe she's debuting as an illustratro?
I was being optimistic in my thoughts.
I replied with a "showdown? of what? you're getting me curious" or something like that.
And I got a reply that was a huge shocker.
---
"I'm in the hospital right now. Room xx at xxx Hospital. If you'd like come visit me, as my fan."
That was the text I got.
I thought I was going to collapse.
I was angry at the same time as surprised.
I had thought she had told me everything... why didn't she tell me about this bit?
---
I ditched my lecture and spedover to see her. I felt desperate.
Me: "What's wrong? You had me all worried about you!"
"Juvenile ovarian cancer."
That was what she told me with a smile the moment I arrived at her hospital room.
I immediately realized how grave the situation was.
I lost my grandma to ovarian cancer.
It was one of the faster-progressing ones. Grandma died only 6 months after they found the tumors...
...memories of that came flashing back.
---
She was there, but she looked like a different person. She was wearing a knitted cap, and very scrawny...
Her: "To be honest, I didn't want to tell you until after the operation.
But right before the operation, I got scared."
She laughed.
Her smile was still unchanged, and that made me feel at ease and sad at the same time.
Tears brimmed from my eyes.
And I was the one that needed to get a grip on myself.
---
She had been living alone, doing her best...
And I'm sure this was plaguing her mind from the first time she met me...
When I think about it, it really made me want to cry.
Me: "I'm okay. Thank you for telling me.
From now on, I'm here, together with you."
That was the best I could do.
But that seemed to have put her mind at ease - her eyes suddenly started to become teary.
Her: "I'm scared... of the operation... of not being able to draw... of not being able to go to the arcade...
I'm scared of everything...."
She started bawling, as if some string that was holding her up snapped apart.
I was holding back my own tears, and I couldn't find any other words.
All I could say was "You'll be all right, you'll be fine."
To be honest, I had thought it was over. I was full of despair.
But I knew that I absolutely, positively could not be the one whining about this. I held my ground.
---
After a bit of cheering up, the mood lightened up a bit.
She asked me to draw Bridget from Guilty Gear and stuff,
So I drew one for her, and also played around with her.
That calmed the mood down for some strange reason.
After a while, her mother found the right timing to enter the room.
Me: "Hello."
Mom: " Oh, why, hello..."
Her mother had a very gentle manner towards me.
---
I had always been good at breaking the ice with adults (especially middle-aged women),
so I quickly found myself friends with her mother.
But my relationship to her was very vague, so it was hard to explain.
Her mother just assumed that I was her boyfriend, it seems.
And so, I kept visiting her every day until the day of the operation.
I was prepared to throw out my life for her.
I didn't go to any of my lectures.
---
The day before the operation, I was debating whether or not to go, but I decided to go anyway.
Her father was there as well as her mother.
Her father seemed to be a lot more gentle than what I had heard.
"Hello..."
Then, her mother beconed me over, and went to the waiting room.
I had gotten along with her mother so well that we sometimes call each other, and she would sometimes send me on an errand to buy odds and ends.
Mom: "I want you to know this, Tomizawa-kun."
Me: "Yes..?"
To be honest, I didn't know what the operation was about, nor the current status of her cancer.
So I had been wanting to ask something.
---
Her mother told me.
Mom: "Even after the operation.... the doctors are saying she has about one year to live..."
I panicked. There was much, much less time left than I had expected.
Mom: "Please... be prepared for that. And we don't know how we are going to tell her this..."
Me, someone who lived for only about 20 years, didn't know what to do anymore.
Mom: "I want you to be at her side until the very end.
She keeps talking about you even when you're not around."
Or, at least I think that's what she told me.
What do you mean, the very end? Has it already been decided that she's going away?
I was confused.
This was such a burden on a college-age boy that I had no idea what to do.
---
The operation was a success, with no hitches.
She had a fever for a while from the anesthesia and whatnot.
And even without that, I knew it would be hard for her to even sit up, so I stayed away from visiting her for a while.
For a while, I felt like I was spaced out all the time.
I had even thought that all of this was a dream.
---
I went to go see her several days after the operation.
She was asleep.
When she woke up, she saw me, and teetered her way to sit up.
Me: "Oh, you don't have to sit up..."
Her: "It's all right, I'm feeling good today..."
Her smile felt very weak.
Me: "You held out well during the operation."
Her: "Thanks."
Her smile really had no strength anymore.
---
Me: "Do you want anything?"
Her: "I want to go to the arcade with you."
Me: "Well... Let's do that after a bit more time."
Her: "I'd like to play games."
Hearing that only made me sad.
---
Her: "I want to stroll around the hospital."
Me: "That I can do."
I asked both the nurse and her mother for permission, and stepped out for a bit, pushing her wheelchair along.
Me: "Are you thirsty? Are you feeling pain?"
Her: "Oh, I'm all right (laugh) Stop acting like a stranger! (laugh)"
Her: "Oh, but there is something I want."
Me: "Hm? What? What?"
---
Her: "I want a sketchbook."
Me: "Oh, I see. I have a croquis pad on me right now."
Her: "Really? All right! Then I want to draw something."
I held out my croquis pad in a room that looked like a lounge.
I held her body up as she sat in the wheelchair, and handed her the pad and a pen.
She slowly started to draw.
---
On the paper were her favorite arcade game characters...
...and some sort of message.
She quietly, timidly, passed the pad back to me.
"I'm sorry to trouble you. Are you having fun being with a sick person like me?"
That must have been one of her biggest fears.
She probably couldn't bring herself to ask this question out loud.
---
It almost made me cry.
Me: "What are you talking about? The time I spend with you, Fukiishi-san, is the most fun times I have."
I clearly told her how I felt. I didn't want even a smidgeon of weird doubts to cross her mind.
Her: "I'm glad. Thank you."
She had a small smile.
I gently patted her head, but because I'm a wimp that was all I could do.
When I patted her head, she laughed, and barked at me, "Woof woof!"
I really think I was attracted to her because she does things like this.
---
When we got back from our walk, there was a girl in the hospital room.
Apparently it was one of her high-school friends.
Her: "Teteko..." (another fake name, this time I'm using her favorite LoV minion)
Friend: "I was worried about you..."
Me: "Hello."
I tried to take a hint, and leave the room. But then--
Her: "You can stay here."
Since she said so, I decided to stay in the hospital room.
---
The two girls reminisced about old times together.
But throughout the entire conversation, she never talked once about her illness.
It must have been about a half hour when the friend left, leaving a small gift behind.
From the looks of it, she didn't know about the cancer - that she didn't know about her friend's illness.
Me: "You didn't talk to your friends about your illness?"
Her: "Yeah, only Teteko knows I'm sick. And even she doesn't know it's cancer. She thinks I'll be better soon."
---
Me: "You don't have to tell anyone?"
If I was in her shoes, I'm sure I'd be telling a lot of my friends.
Her: "I don't want them worrying about me. Normally, stuff like that surprises everyone.
I'm fine with it as long as just a handful of people know about it."
She told me with a very gentle tone of voice.
---
The fact that I was a part of the "handful of people" made me happy.
It gave me inexplicable feelings.
If I wasn't here, this girl would not tell any of her friends, relying only on her family.
When I thought about that, it pained my heart.
The days following were rather calm.
She couldn't leave the hospital, but I did my best to ditch my lectures,
and tried to see her every day if possible.
---
She loved flowers, so often times I visited after I bought her some flowers.
Her favorite flower was called a eustoma.
It was a flower I just happened to see in a flower shop on my way to visit her, and she liked it very much.
It was a pretty flower, with a beautiful contrast between blue and white.
But still, I tried to buy different flowers every visit.
And the two of us, in her hospital room, would play the "personified flower game"
where we would draw the flower I brought in as a young girl.
---
We laughed a lot. When I brought her flowers,
she would always grin from ear to ear and be happy I did so.
Her: "What should we do today?"
She would say as we both looked at the flower, and played with pictures.
It was so fun that I almost forgot that she was actually sick.
---
But her condition wasn't well all the time.
Depending on the day, sometimes it would be hard for her to even sit up.
Those times I was reminded of the illness, and it always brought sudden pain to my heart.
Even on days like that, I would ask her mother,
and have the flowers planted into a vase.
---
One day, when I entered the hospital room like I usually did,
she was very cheerful.
Her: "Hey, hey, listen up, listen up!"
Me: "Oh my, you're cheery today, what's up?"
Her: "I got permission to temporarily leave! 5 days!"
Me: "Really!?"
Her: "I'm so happy... I'll be home for 2 days, but I'm going to spend the other 3 days with you, Tomizawa!"
Me: "Oh, really!!"
---
Her: "I want to go on a date! A DATE!"
Me: "Sounds good, let's go, let's do it."
Her: "Let's go to the arcade. Arcades!"
It had been a while since I last saw her so cheerful and bright.
It made me really happy.
I had thought that I wanted to somehow make sure she had lots of fun.
i'll finish the rest when i wake up.
And a bit more time passes, and I was slightly depressed. Wasn't her doing.
I had thought that maybe she already had a boyfriend, and that she had already forgotten about me...
It was always fun with her at the arcades, and we often ate together as well.
So I had thought that she needed me as much as I needed her.
One day, I suddenly got a cryptic text messae.
"A big showdown is about to happen soon. I'll make sure I win."
---
A showdown? What is she talking about?
Some exam to get a job somewhere? Or maybe she's debuting as an illustratro?
I was being optimistic in my thoughts.
I replied with a "showdown? of what? you're getting me curious" or something like that.
And I got a reply that was a huge shocker.
---
"I'm in the hospital right now. Room xx at xxx Hospital. If you'd like come visit me, as my fan."
That was the text I got.
I thought I was going to collapse.
I was angry at the same time as surprised.
I had thought she had told me everything... why didn't she tell me about this bit?
---
I ditched my lecture and spedover to see her. I felt desperate.
Me: "What's wrong? You had me all worried about you!"
"Juvenile ovarian cancer."
That was what she told me with a smile the moment I arrived at her hospital room.
I immediately realized how grave the situation was.
I lost my grandma to ovarian cancer.
It was one of the faster-progressing ones. Grandma died only 6 months after they found the tumors...
...memories of that came flashing back.
---
She was there, but she looked like a different person. She was wearing a knitted cap, and very scrawny...
Her: "To be honest, I didn't want to tell you until after the operation.
But right before the operation, I got scared."
She laughed.
Her smile was still unchanged, and that made me feel at ease and sad at the same time.
Tears brimmed from my eyes.
And I was the one that needed to get a grip on myself.
---
She had been living alone, doing her best...
And I'm sure this was plaguing her mind from the first time she met me...
When I think about it, it really made me want to cry.
Me: "I'm okay. Thank you for telling me.
From now on, I'm here, together with you."
That was the best I could do.
But that seemed to have put her mind at ease - her eyes suddenly started to become teary.
Her: "I'm scared... of the operation... of not being able to draw... of not being able to go to the arcade...
I'm scared of everything...."
She started bawling, as if some string that was holding her up snapped apart.
I was holding back my own tears, and I couldn't find any other words.
All I could say was "You'll be all right, you'll be fine."
To be honest, I had thought it was over. I was full of despair.
But I knew that I absolutely, positively could not be the one whining about this. I held my ground.
---
After a bit of cheering up, the mood lightened up a bit.
She asked me to draw Bridget from Guilty Gear and stuff,
So I drew one for her, and also played around with her.
That calmed the mood down for some strange reason.
After a while, her mother found the right timing to enter the room.
Me: "Hello."
Mom: " Oh, why, hello..."
Her mother had a very gentle manner towards me.
---
I had always been good at breaking the ice with adults (especially middle-aged women),
so I quickly found myself friends with her mother.
But my relationship to her was very vague, so it was hard to explain.
Her mother just assumed that I was her boyfriend, it seems.
And so, I kept visiting her every day until the day of the operation.
I was prepared to throw out my life for her.
I didn't go to any of my lectures.
---
The day before the operation, I was debating whether or not to go, but I decided to go anyway.
Her father was there as well as her mother.
Her father seemed to be a lot more gentle than what I had heard.
"Hello..."
Then, her mother beconed me over, and went to the waiting room.
I had gotten along with her mother so well that we sometimes call each other, and she would sometimes send me on an errand to buy odds and ends.
Mom: "I want you to know this, Tomizawa-kun."
Me: "Yes..?"
To be honest, I didn't know what the operation was about, nor the current status of her cancer.
So I had been wanting to ask something.
---
Her mother told me.
Mom: "Even after the operation.... the doctors are saying she has about one year to live..."
I panicked. There was much, much less time left than I had expected.
Mom: "Please... be prepared for that. And we don't know how we are going to tell her this..."
Me, someone who lived for only about 20 years, didn't know what to do anymore.
Mom: "I want you to be at her side until the very end.
She keeps talking about you even when you're not around."
Or, at least I think that's what she told me.
What do you mean, the very end? Has it already been decided that she's going away?
I was confused.
This was such a burden on a college-age boy that I had no idea what to do.
---
The operation was a success, with no hitches.
She had a fever for a while from the anesthesia and whatnot.
And even without that, I knew it would be hard for her to even sit up, so I stayed away from visiting her for a while.
For a while, I felt like I was spaced out all the time.
I had even thought that all of this was a dream.
---
I went to go see her several days after the operation.
She was asleep.
When she woke up, she saw me, and teetered her way to sit up.
Me: "Oh, you don't have to sit up..."
Her: "It's all right, I'm feeling good today..."
Her smile felt very weak.
Me: "You held out well during the operation."
Her: "Thanks."
Her smile really had no strength anymore.
---
Me: "Do you want anything?"
Her: "I want to go to the arcade with you."
Me: "Well... Let's do that after a bit more time."
Her: "I'd like to play games."
Hearing that only made me sad.
---
Her: "I want to stroll around the hospital."
Me: "That I can do."
I asked both the nurse and her mother for permission, and stepped out for a bit, pushing her wheelchair along.
Me: "Are you thirsty? Are you feeling pain?"
Her: "Oh, I'm all right (laugh) Stop acting like a stranger! (laugh)"
Her: "Oh, but there is something I want."
Me: "Hm? What? What?"
---
Her: "I want a sketchbook."
Me: "Oh, I see. I have a croquis pad on me right now."
Her: "Really? All right! Then I want to draw something."
I held out my croquis pad in a room that looked like a lounge.
I held her body up as she sat in the wheelchair, and handed her the pad and a pen.
She slowly started to draw.
---
On the paper were her favorite arcade game characters...
...and some sort of message.
She quietly, timidly, passed the pad back to me.
"I'm sorry to trouble you. Are you having fun being with a sick person like me?"
That must have been one of her biggest fears.
She probably couldn't bring herself to ask this question out loud.
---
It almost made me cry.
Me: "What are you talking about? The time I spend with you, Fukiishi-san, is the most fun times I have."
I clearly told her how I felt. I didn't want even a smidgeon of weird doubts to cross her mind.
Her: "I'm glad. Thank you."
She had a small smile.
I gently patted her head, but because I'm a wimp that was all I could do.
When I patted her head, she laughed, and barked at me, "Woof woof!"
I really think I was attracted to her because she does things like this.
---
When we got back from our walk, there was a girl in the hospital room.
Apparently it was one of her high-school friends.
Her: "Teteko..." (another fake name, this time I'm using her favorite LoV minion)
Friend: "I was worried about you..."
Me: "Hello."
I tried to take a hint, and leave the room. But then--
Her: "You can stay here."
Since she said so, I decided to stay in the hospital room.
---
The two girls reminisced about old times together.
But throughout the entire conversation, she never talked once about her illness.
It must have been about a half hour when the friend left, leaving a small gift behind.
From the looks of it, she didn't know about the cancer - that she didn't know about her friend's illness.
Me: "You didn't talk to your friends about your illness?"
Her: "Yeah, only Teteko knows I'm sick. And even she doesn't know it's cancer. She thinks I'll be better soon."
---
Me: "You don't have to tell anyone?"
If I was in her shoes, I'm sure I'd be telling a lot of my friends.
Her: "I don't want them worrying about me. Normally, stuff like that surprises everyone.
I'm fine with it as long as just a handful of people know about it."
She told me with a very gentle tone of voice.
---
The fact that I was a part of the "handful of people" made me happy.
It gave me inexplicable feelings.
If I wasn't here, this girl would not tell any of her friends, relying only on her family.
When I thought about that, it pained my heart.
The days following were rather calm.
She couldn't leave the hospital, but I did my best to ditch my lectures,
and tried to see her every day if possible.
---
She loved flowers, so often times I visited after I bought her some flowers.
Her favorite flower was called a eustoma.
It was a flower I just happened to see in a flower shop on my way to visit her, and she liked it very much.
It was a pretty flower, with a beautiful contrast between blue and white.
But still, I tried to buy different flowers every visit.
And the two of us, in her hospital room, would play the "personified flower game"
where we would draw the flower I brought in as a young girl.
---
We laughed a lot. When I brought her flowers,
she would always grin from ear to ear and be happy I did so.
Her: "What should we do today?"
She would say as we both looked at the flower, and played with pictures.
It was so fun that I almost forgot that she was actually sick.
---
But her condition wasn't well all the time.
Depending on the day, sometimes it would be hard for her to even sit up.
Those times I was reminded of the illness, and it always brought sudden pain to my heart.
Even on days like that, I would ask her mother,
and have the flowers planted into a vase.
---
One day, when I entered the hospital room like I usually did,
she was very cheerful.
Her: "Hey, hey, listen up, listen up!"
Me: "Oh my, you're cheery today, what's up?"
Her: "I got permission to temporarily leave! 5 days!"
Me: "Really!?"
Her: "I'm so happy... I'll be home for 2 days, but I'm going to spend the other 3 days with you, Tomizawa!"
Me: "Oh, really!!"
---
Her: "I want to go on a date! A DATE!"
Me: "Sounds good, let's go, let's do it."
Her: "Let's go to the arcade. Arcades!"
It had been a while since I last saw her so cheerful and bright.
It made me really happy.
I had thought that I wanted to somehow make sure she had lots of fun.