The Arsehole Monologues
I will try to use short words and sentences because there's a whole lot of stupid on display in this country these days. I recognize that I'm doomed to failure because there are going to be words which must be read in this piece. Reading, like thinking, does not seem to be a strong point with the targets of my comments.
To the Tea Party:
Communist, socialist, fascist and other words describing political systems are concepts too complicated for you to throw around as insults. None of you seem to have the least idea of what these words mean. I include your talking heads; Bachmann, Palin, Beck, Limbaugh and a host of others in this point. I know with absolute certainty Palin doesn't know what 'metaphor' means. I am of the opinion that Bachmann doesn't understand anything not currently marked down for quick sale at Sephora. I wonder sometimes if Limbaugh thinks as long as he's becoming wealthier the world is right. As for Beck...I think he needs tag team therapy and a lot of medication. A. Lot.
You're like teenagers at a pep rally. The more shouting you hear the more you speak. Go, team, go. Where are we going? Who cares? Keep shouting.
You shout but you do not persuade.
In fact some of us watching you are reminded of three year old children who just found out the parents, fount of all purchases, are not going to get you a Happy Meal for the fifth consecutive day. You might think you're making your opinions known. I see a child on the floor, kicking and screaming until someone gives them what they want at which point they will want something else because the wanting is the point.
The most effective tactic when dealing with a hissy fit is to ignore it while making sure the kid doesn't hurt themselves. That's where this metaphor (take notes, Palin) splits away; I don't care if you hurt yourselves. You're adults.
Well, you're mostly over 21.
Here are some essential facts:
Nowhere in the rules of debate is a codicil stating whoever is loudest and rudest and scariest wins. No, that's street fighting. That only works until someone bigger, louder and less patient comes along. At that point your arse winds up on the pavement and you wind up thinking "Wha happened?"
You have opinions. That's nice. A lot of people have opinions. Like arseholes, opinions are almost universal.
Long ago a man named John Wilkes Booth had opinions. Some of his saner friends had opinions too, including the opinion that Booth was a few bricks short of a full load. Booth seemed to have a hard time accepting reality which is never a good sign.
Booth found new friends who shared some of his opinions. Maybe. Maybe they just wanted to hang around with a famous actor, which is another thing Booth was. Either way, they listened to his opinions and eventually joined in with his plan to remake reality according to his own design.
This was a bad idea.
Booth set out one day to take down the United States government. He had a plan. Lots of people have plans. Not all plans are good.
On one point you could say Booth succeeded: he killed the President of the United States. He seemed to think he'd done a good thing. He was wrong.
Booth ended up dying badly, paralyzed by a bullet, in the dooryard of an old barn. His diary kept after he killed the President shows his own confusion; Booth expected to be proclaimed a hero by the South instead of hearing a chorus of "Oh no you didn't" in 19th century parlance.
Booth was hunted down and shot like a rabid dog. His co-conspirators were arrested and a number of them were hung, which is not a nice way to die. The South did not rise again because of his act. The government did not fall partly because the men who agreed to help Booth got to the killing portion of their programs and fumbled and partly because even then the government was a lot more resilient than Booth realized.
The killing of President Lincoln angered a lot of people in the North.
This is a very important point. People who were already pretty angry with the South over the whole seceeding-from-the-Union thing and the slavery thing got even angrier over the assassination thing. Instead of being moderate toward their defeated foe, which was then considered good form, the victors proceeded to find new and interesting ways to shit on their defeated foes. They were backed by a lot of the people from the North who'd elected them whose sense of "Oh no you didn't" was EPIC.
An interesting point: President Lincoln's plan was to help rebuild the South. Booth killed the one person in Washington, D.C. who saw that a strong South and a strong North equalled a strong nation. Isn't that funny?
No, it's not funny at all.
There have been other killers. Really, that's all they were. Killers. They weren't playing God. You want to play God, wave your hands and make a beautiful tree appear. Killers don't create. They kill.
Here's a funny thing about the killers; in a way the killings pushed forward the very laws the killers were most afraid of.
See, there are people who think politics is a kind of game. There's a lot of noise and a lot of bother and from time to time something useful is accomplished.
Killing makes those people realize that amongst our population are some dimwitted nut-bags who need to be ignored unless we want Democracy by gunfire. Those people get to work and pass legislation which would have made the deceased proud. You kill President Kennedy and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and you know what you get? Civil Rights legislation which I suspect still pisses some of you teabaggers off.
Isn't that funny? Oswald bleeds out on the floor of a police station, Ray rots in prison and the progress they maybe hoped to stop (nobody really knows what they were thinking or what they were thinking with, for that matter) jumps forward because of what they did.
That's hysterically funny. Except it isn't funny at all.
Some of you lot yelled racial epithets during your demonstration on Capitol Hill. What happened at that point is some of us said "See, I told you. It's thinly disguised racism." and then notified the closest authorities.
Some of you yelled homophobic epithets. Quick lesson: I guarantee you no homosexuals long to add you to their number. Nobody wants you. Nobody.
Some of you made threats about enforcing your opinions with violence and that's where the pedal meets the metal and the rubber meets the road; these are your opinions and nowhere in the rule book is there a point demanding your opinions take precedence over the opinions of others.
Here's a thing that really is funny: by some accounting I should be among your number.
I have worked in more factories than I care to remember. I have worked in a factory which was dangerous enough that I used to bring my own first aid kit with me because they were always running out of antiseptic and bandages to tend the cuts I got from working with raw steel. I have worked in an actual sweat shop. I don't recommend this, but when you have to eat and you like to live under a roof you take the jobs you can find.
I am not among your number. I know a secret lost on a lot of people; working in factory didn't shut my brain off. Hurt my feet, left me scarred, battered my spirit from time to time but it didn't stop me from thinking and there are more of us than you can know.
This is how I know a secret you lot really should know: you're being used.
You're being used by people who view health care reform as a threat to the eternal fattening of their wallets and campaign funds. End game; they don't care about the health or well-being of this nation, they care about being able to sell pharmaseuticals at a 300% mark-up.
You're being used by people who view equal rights for all as a threat to the annual tithing of their flocks.
You're being used by people who, I suspect, are laughing at you while you watch their TV shows and listen to their radio broadcasts and buy their books.
In this world people often become wealthy by using other people. A shining few do so as ethically as possible while the others just go on using because that's how the world works.
Your taxes have not been raised.
More businesses will not have to choose between the health of their employees and staying in business.
If you object to being made to take health insurance remember that in many states you can't register a car unless you're insured.
It's not all about you.
The people courting your shouting, your fervor, your hysteria, your epic offensiveness will not invite you to their homes or their clubs for a nice dinner.
You are being used.
You seem to enjoy this.
Weird.
To the Tea Party:
Communist, socialist, fascist and other words describing political systems are concepts too complicated for you to throw around as insults. None of you seem to have the least idea of what these words mean. I include your talking heads; Bachmann, Palin, Beck, Limbaugh and a host of others in this point. I know with absolute certainty Palin doesn't know what 'metaphor' means. I am of the opinion that Bachmann doesn't understand anything not currently marked down for quick sale at Sephora. I wonder sometimes if Limbaugh thinks as long as he's becoming wealthier the world is right. As for Beck...I think he needs tag team therapy and a lot of medication. A. Lot.
You're like teenagers at a pep rally. The more shouting you hear the more you speak. Go, team, go. Where are we going? Who cares? Keep shouting.
You shout but you do not persuade.
In fact some of us watching you are reminded of three year old children who just found out the parents, fount of all purchases, are not going to get you a Happy Meal for the fifth consecutive day. You might think you're making your opinions known. I see a child on the floor, kicking and screaming until someone gives them what they want at which point they will want something else because the wanting is the point.
The most effective tactic when dealing with a hissy fit is to ignore it while making sure the kid doesn't hurt themselves. That's where this metaphor (take notes, Palin) splits away; I don't care if you hurt yourselves. You're adults.
Well, you're mostly over 21.
Here are some essential facts:
Nowhere in the rules of debate is a codicil stating whoever is loudest and rudest and scariest wins. No, that's street fighting. That only works until someone bigger, louder and less patient comes along. At that point your arse winds up on the pavement and you wind up thinking "Wha happened?"
You have opinions. That's nice. A lot of people have opinions. Like arseholes, opinions are almost universal.
Long ago a man named John Wilkes Booth had opinions. Some of his saner friends had opinions too, including the opinion that Booth was a few bricks short of a full load. Booth seemed to have a hard time accepting reality which is never a good sign.
Booth found new friends who shared some of his opinions. Maybe. Maybe they just wanted to hang around with a famous actor, which is another thing Booth was. Either way, they listened to his opinions and eventually joined in with his plan to remake reality according to his own design.
This was a bad idea.
Booth set out one day to take down the United States government. He had a plan. Lots of people have plans. Not all plans are good.
On one point you could say Booth succeeded: he killed the President of the United States. He seemed to think he'd done a good thing. He was wrong.
Booth ended up dying badly, paralyzed by a bullet, in the dooryard of an old barn. His diary kept after he killed the President shows his own confusion; Booth expected to be proclaimed a hero by the South instead of hearing a chorus of "Oh no you didn't" in 19th century parlance.
Booth was hunted down and shot like a rabid dog. His co-conspirators were arrested and a number of them were hung, which is not a nice way to die. The South did not rise again because of his act. The government did not fall partly because the men who agreed to help Booth got to the killing portion of their programs and fumbled and partly because even then the government was a lot more resilient than Booth realized.
The killing of President Lincoln angered a lot of people in the North.
This is a very important point. People who were already pretty angry with the South over the whole seceeding-from-the-Union thing and the slavery thing got even angrier over the assassination thing. Instead of being moderate toward their defeated foe, which was then considered good form, the victors proceeded to find new and interesting ways to shit on their defeated foes. They were backed by a lot of the people from the North who'd elected them whose sense of "Oh no you didn't" was EPIC.
An interesting point: President Lincoln's plan was to help rebuild the South. Booth killed the one person in Washington, D.C. who saw that a strong South and a strong North equalled a strong nation. Isn't that funny?
No, it's not funny at all.
There have been other killers. Really, that's all they were. Killers. They weren't playing God. You want to play God, wave your hands and make a beautiful tree appear. Killers don't create. They kill.
Here's a funny thing about the killers; in a way the killings pushed forward the very laws the killers were most afraid of.
See, there are people who think politics is a kind of game. There's a lot of noise and a lot of bother and from time to time something useful is accomplished.
Killing makes those people realize that amongst our population are some dimwitted nut-bags who need to be ignored unless we want Democracy by gunfire. Those people get to work and pass legislation which would have made the deceased proud. You kill President Kennedy and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and you know what you get? Civil Rights legislation which I suspect still pisses some of you teabaggers off.
Isn't that funny? Oswald bleeds out on the floor of a police station, Ray rots in prison and the progress they maybe hoped to stop (nobody really knows what they were thinking or what they were thinking with, for that matter) jumps forward because of what they did.
That's hysterically funny. Except it isn't funny at all.
Some of you lot yelled racial epithets during your demonstration on Capitol Hill. What happened at that point is some of us said "See, I told you. It's thinly disguised racism." and then notified the closest authorities.
Some of you yelled homophobic epithets. Quick lesson: I guarantee you no homosexuals long to add you to their number. Nobody wants you. Nobody.
Some of you made threats about enforcing your opinions with violence and that's where the pedal meets the metal and the rubber meets the road; these are your opinions and nowhere in the rule book is there a point demanding your opinions take precedence over the opinions of others.
Here's a thing that really is funny: by some accounting I should be among your number.
I have worked in more factories than I care to remember. I have worked in a factory which was dangerous enough that I used to bring my own first aid kit with me because they were always running out of antiseptic and bandages to tend the cuts I got from working with raw steel. I have worked in an actual sweat shop. I don't recommend this, but when you have to eat and you like to live under a roof you take the jobs you can find.
I am not among your number. I know a secret lost on a lot of people; working in factory didn't shut my brain off. Hurt my feet, left me scarred, battered my spirit from time to time but it didn't stop me from thinking and there are more of us than you can know.
This is how I know a secret you lot really should know: you're being used.
You're being used by people who view health care reform as a threat to the eternal fattening of their wallets and campaign funds. End game; they don't care about the health or well-being of this nation, they care about being able to sell pharmaseuticals at a 300% mark-up.
You're being used by people who view equal rights for all as a threat to the annual tithing of their flocks.
You're being used by people who, I suspect, are laughing at you while you watch their TV shows and listen to their radio broadcasts and buy their books.
In this world people often become wealthy by using other people. A shining few do so as ethically as possible while the others just go on using because that's how the world works.
Your taxes have not been raised.
More businesses will not have to choose between the health of their employees and staying in business.
If you object to being made to take health insurance remember that in many states you can't register a car unless you're insured.
It's not all about you.
The people courting your shouting, your fervor, your hysteria, your epic offensiveness will not invite you to their homes or their clubs for a nice dinner.
You are being used.
You seem to enjoy this.
Weird.