uppers and downers
one second I'm completely happy
the next one
I feel like shit
gasping for air, balling, pretending, hoping, everything is ok
whate ever happened to keeping posi?
well fuck that shit
what do you have left when you know you'll end up like this
I honestly don' t know what's wrong
maybe I AM difficult
maybe
I don't know
those words have been stuck on my head "you're difficult alan"
they have been caving their way into my head nonstop
scratching, scooping, drilling, and just not leaving
I think I have watched so much, lived so much, and heared so much that its finally getting to me
at 22 years old, I am married, and should be enjoying every god damn second of it
and now I find myself w/ my mother's voice echo in the back of my head saying "come back home, I don't like hearing you like this"
fuck, this really is a quest
I don't even know who I am anymore? to be honest I really don't
it feels like noone cares
and the wife that is supposed to be there for you hasn't called you in days
is she having fun? whatever right? integrity right? is better for her to have fun rather than been stuck w/ someone like me, in an ocassion like this
I almost feel as if I should do something dramatic
I can't say change, well, there's no way that's happening, I like who I am right now
but I am not %100 sure of what the fuck am I doing w/ my life.
I am so confused
lesson learned: words do hurt more than actions
another thing: you may forgive and forget, but secretly you know you always remember what happened, no matter what, you, will not forget, because its just, so raw I guess, hurt so much that, well, your mind will never let go
this can't be good
I really think I need to go see la familia right now
I don't even know how to feel right now
the next one
I feel like shit
gasping for air, balling, pretending, hoping, everything is ok
whate ever happened to keeping posi?
well fuck that shit
what do you have left when you know you'll end up like this
I honestly don' t know what's wrong
maybe I AM difficult
maybe
I don't know
those words have been stuck on my head "you're difficult alan"
they have been caving their way into my head nonstop
scratching, scooping, drilling, and just not leaving
I think I have watched so much, lived so much, and heared so much that its finally getting to me
at 22 years old, I am married, and should be enjoying every god damn second of it
and now I find myself w/ my mother's voice echo in the back of my head saying "come back home, I don't like hearing you like this"
fuck, this really is a quest
I don't even know who I am anymore? to be honest I really don't
it feels like noone cares
and the wife that is supposed to be there for you hasn't called you in days
is she having fun? whatever right? integrity right? is better for her to have fun rather than been stuck w/ someone like me, in an ocassion like this
I almost feel as if I should do something dramatic
I can't say change, well, there's no way that's happening, I like who I am right now
but I am not %100 sure of what the fuck am I doing w/ my life.
I am so confused
lesson learned: words do hurt more than actions
another thing: you may forgive and forget, but secretly you know you always remember what happened, no matter what, you, will not forget, because its just, so raw I guess, hurt so much that, well, your mind will never let go
this can't be good
I really think I need to go see la familia right now
I don't even know how to feel right now