(no subject)

[barala]

If he were here what would be the same
i hear it once more it's the same damn refrain

He'd want me to live is the usual retort
but I keep still breathing without the support

I'm told I'll get past it if just given time
but the echoes they haunt me without a good rhyme

And flashbacks continue despite passage of years
they come uninvited complete with the tears

I need him to hold me and say that it's true
the memories that haunt me of things I've been through

Hell if the abuse that I suffered they say was a lie
then why not the love that I had be denied?

I can't have imagined the things I went through
Despite the word 'crazy' they had to be true

He stood by me once beside me I'm sure
but now he is ashes and I'm lonely once more

I'm facing the demons they taunt as they pass
I'm tired of fighting this patch of morass

I long for the darkness and the eternal return
I need his arms round me oh Lord how I yearn

Just how long in mourning supposed to take
How many excuses to breathe must I make

Had I only known on that fateful day
The days that were numbered before you went away

This living without you is hell that I know
Darling love I still can't let go

But one thing has happened and it can't be real
The memories have haunted and forced me to  feel

Let him win like he did once before
I'm so tired of fighting I can't take anymore

Let him think that I did this over the loss of you
but we will know different it's from what he did do