Slight setback; confessions; and good news
Mom had a TIA on Friday morning, so yesterday was a bad day for everyone.(Personally I think the hyper aunt didn't help matters by coming or staying at the hospital for three days.) I finally lost it after a month and a half, and broke down in hysterics for about an hour and a half yesterday afternoon. I was a mess for a while, I am not gonna lie. I was planning to stay over and my Dad almost sent me home until I handled it better. I finally got on the phone with the hospital chaplin who came over and talked with me, until I was better.
I think I was just tired, frustrated with my aunt and mentally sapped out. I really had no outlet, even with the LJ writing. I was all bottled up because people seem to be expecting so much from me and not letting me *not* act like nothing was wrong. I have to be strong, be solid and positive, be all light and lightness.
Hell, I am not that strong as a natural thing. I am more than a bit sensitive and sometimes don't handle stress well. People have forgotten that I used to have major panic attacks when I was in college and had to have light meds for that. Sadly, in a lot of ways I might be going down that way now. I don't have a regular person to talk to and that's a problem. Yeah- I am seriously close to getting a psychologist or something like that, because I know I can't do it on my own. People expect me to do so much and I am just not equipped for it. Is that wrong for me to admit that? I am not shirking my responsibilities, but I am no SuperWoman. I never have been.
Oh, in a related tidbit- the aunt that was bugging me this week bascially said to my Dad that she was sorry she was so hard on me this week. Would have been better to get it directly from her, but at least she realized that she'd pushed a bit too much with me. I am glad she realized.
Onto happier news- I got my HIM concert tickets!!!!!!!! Of course it is over 2 months away, but why waste time? I feel better having them in hand early, anyways. Since it appears we won't be leaving town for Thanksgiving this year anyways, I think I need a few laughs and screams. Now I gotta lose about thirty pounds or more so I can stand in those 4 inch platforms again. And Avenged Sevenfold is coming right after that, so I might try and go to that as well. We shall see, won't we? Oh, and I got the limited ed. of 'Venus Doom' ordered for me. *swoon* I think I will have a few good days coming up thanks to new HIM music. Thier music has actually been quite soothing for me as of late as well.
Random bits: is it weird that I only like one Dandy Warhols cd, and it happens to be the one Nick Rhodes produced? And why am I turning into a Japan fiend again? (How I love that group....) Now I also want Dali's Car, Rain Tree Crow and Steve Jansen's new cd. Well.... stranger things have happened, I guess.
I think I was just tired, frustrated with my aunt and mentally sapped out. I really had no outlet, even with the LJ writing. I was all bottled up because people seem to be expecting so much from me and not letting me *not* act like nothing was wrong. I have to be strong, be solid and positive, be all light and lightness.
Hell, I am not that strong as a natural thing. I am more than a bit sensitive and sometimes don't handle stress well. People have forgotten that I used to have major panic attacks when I was in college and had to have light meds for that. Sadly, in a lot of ways I might be going down that way now. I don't have a regular person to talk to and that's a problem. Yeah- I am seriously close to getting a psychologist or something like that, because I know I can't do it on my own. People expect me to do so much and I am just not equipped for it. Is that wrong for me to admit that? I am not shirking my responsibilities, but I am no SuperWoman. I never have been.
Oh, in a related tidbit- the aunt that was bugging me this week bascially said to my Dad that she was sorry she was so hard on me this week. Would have been better to get it directly from her, but at least she realized that she'd pushed a bit too much with me. I am glad she realized.
Onto happier news- I got my HIM concert tickets!!!!!!!! Of course it is over 2 months away, but why waste time? I feel better having them in hand early, anyways. Since it appears we won't be leaving town for Thanksgiving this year anyways, I think I need a few laughs and screams. Now I gotta lose about thirty pounds or more so I can stand in those 4 inch platforms again. And Avenged Sevenfold is coming right after that, so I might try and go to that as well. We shall see, won't we? Oh, and I got the limited ed. of 'Venus Doom' ordered for me. *swoon* I think I will have a few good days coming up thanks to new HIM music. Thier music has actually been quite soothing for me as of late as well.
Random bits: is it weird that I only like one Dandy Warhols cd, and it happens to be the one Nick Rhodes produced? And why am I turning into a Japan fiend again? (How I love that group....) Now I also want Dali's Car, Rain Tree Crow and Steve Jansen's new cd. Well.... stranger things have happened, I guess.