Beautiful Nothing [1/2]
Title: Beautiful Nothing (1/2)
Pairing: Tao/Kris, Tao/Luhan
Rating: PG-15
Length: 13,600+ words
Warnings (if any): implied sex, character death
Notes: Loosely inspired by the movie, The Island.
Summary: Somewhere along a preternatural job Zitao finds an interesting patient he never thought will play a very crucial role in his life. And his potential breakdown.
Yearn
Zitao has already done the math. Almost a million dollar for an entire year, benefits resting on top of a golden velvet and a life insurance that can cover all of his expenses for his entire life-there’s nothing more he can ask for.
Maybe an extended break but there’s nothing much to do in his free time inside the company, he’s stuck fifty miles or so below the ground and the food served every twelve o’clock on his desk is way better than the calorie-inducing snacks he can buy from the nearest convenient store. He can’t help but think if the food he’s being given is also the same as what his patients receive, do they eat apple pies? Are they allowed to eat apple pies? Do they even know what an apple pie is?
He takes another bite as he expects nothing to answer back at him. Questions never get reciprocated back as replies in the basement, they simply litter the air like stars-shining brightly aloft but ungraspable like beach sand on salt water, yet they linger, bugging him until it gets on his nerves. His phone alarms a few moments after he’s finished with his snack, playing an R&B song Yifan set a few weeks back that none of his officemates have yet heard and will never ever hear since he’s planning to change it soon without the older knowing. He lazily stands from his chair and puts his lab coat back on, and he realizes he looks so old with the attire, but dashing Yifan will never fail to add whenever Zitao will frown before a mirror.
Zitao dashes outside within a span of a minute.
Oasis
Zitao never feels secured enough inside the basement. Heels clack against tiled flooring. Breaths huff in enclosed walls. Every hallway in the underground is a threshold of infinity, it always feels as if Zitao will never reach the dorms in a matter of an hour, the travel is always too long, too torturous.
Since it is still noon, he still needs to attend to the ward which never gets occupied unless there are new clones in line for the third phase, or ‘patients’ that need medical attention and he spends the entire afternoon sorting the medicine prescriptions for all of his patients before he distributes them to three different dorms.
Among everything that he’s been doing in this job, the night part is his favorite. Getting to visit different dorms, staying for five minutes long to check on vital data and getting a chance to converse with his patients, it’s probably one of the reasons why Zitao doesn’t bother about the Maths and Physics that his work has given him; he’s happy, but there’s nothing more beautiful than seeing hope glisten people’s eyes. No matter how much of a lie he feeds them, they will keep believing him anyway.
Zitao stops midway the ward when he sees a body lying in one of the hospital bed, dressed in blue gown, pale skin-an indicator that it is a clone-in complete contrast with its honey brown locks lying peacefully on his forehead. Zitao thinks he knows the guy but does not press himself into remembering since he needs to do his job first, he saunters toward a busy Yixing who doesn’t leave his gaze from the papers and pills before him. Yixing’s a doctor just like himself but is assigned into different dorms, normally Zitao will see him and his fake deceiving smile across the hallways in the basement and he cannot help but think why Yixing gives fake smiles instead of real ones to his patients, it’s the only hope they can hold on to anyway, no matter how false it can be.
“Portmanteau?” he asks to Yixing, referring to the lying clone on the bed.
“He has no portmanteau yet.” Yixing says, pausing from humming by himself as he arranges pills and papers on his table.
“A new one?” his brow quirks up. The only clones with no portmanteaus are the ones set to be in the third phase-new ones.
Yixing only hums in agreement, not bothering to spare Zitao a single glance. Zitao sits before his table, just right beside Yixing’s and browses through the folder he has sorted a few nights before.
“I thought the company will not be releasing new clones until the start of spring?”
He sighs, finally looking up at Zitao. “This one looks quite special, I heard they rushed him during the first phase but still managed to pull out a nice outcome.” The first phase of making a clone is connecting bones, flesh, limbs, tissues and every single organ together; the most crucial part of the process. Once everything is perfectly copied from the Initials, then the body is moved to the second phase-the mental phase. Clones are given memories taken from their Initials, although nothing can be too vivid. These memories remain as the clone’s recurring dream, sometimes a nightmare; they depend on what the Initials’ thoughts are during the mimeograph. The third phase starts when the clone comes into the strings of consciousness, the Portmanteaus given will be based on the type of insurance the Initial paid-the highest is the insurance 1, DBSK, ranging about a hundred million to a billion dollars. There have only been five DBSK insured clones so far, all either royalties or corrupt individuals. The second is the EXO, one of the largest numbered insurance in the company-even Zitao got his own clone in EXO, too bad he stopped funding it after a year since the money invested for this is no joke. Ever since he stopped paying the dorm got assigned to him, making Zitao think if this has been a way to make him get back his insurance again.
“No portmanteau yet? Does that mean he won’t be waking up anytime soon?”
Yixing only shrugs.
Utopia
Zitao is a doctor for two different purposes-the first one is to cure while the second purpose is to lie. Working for the Klonos made Zitao a great liar, even to his own boyfriend. Yifan, surely he does know all of the dark secrets that the Klonos has, but he has been oblivious of how much Zitao has changed in a span of a year. Or maybe Yifan’s quite good in lying too. But it can never be a lie, the lovely gazes Yifan always sets to him, the warm smile that welcomes him during the morning, the soft touch Zitao always begs for-they’re all so genuine it can’t be lies.
He is a doctor to cure. Mastering Genetics and Biochemistry for nine years has not made Zitao to expect landing in one of the most classified organizations in the world-The Klonos. The company gave him a big starting pay and even let him study pharmacology for two years while working in the basement. And that’s when he mastered the art of lying, simultaneously.
He can never call the patients in the basement ignorants since they are being fed false information and being starved from the truth. Falsifying facts comes to him now as a second nature, sticking like a leech and sucking off blood from him in order to survive, in order to hold onto his name and profession. Sometimes Zitao thinks having to lie is a mandatory process in order to maintain the PhD attached to his name, right just next to shame.
The groan on the other side of the ward startles Zitao, leaving him out of his thoughts. Another grunt of pain is heard and Zitao dashes off to the side of his patient, his patient’s palms are shaking and he’s sweating-as if he’s about to wake up, he checks his pulse and sees it increasing. Zitao runs to his desk and taps the digits on the 5g that he barely uses. A face comes up as soon as the call is answered.
“This is Doctor Huang and the patient at ward one is about to wake up.”
“Registered.” says the face and the call comes to an end. It only takes a matter of seconds when two men in lab coat enter the ward and pull the hospital bed toward the E.R.. Which reminds Zitao that you can never spell emergency without emerge. The mystery whether which dorm the last patient will be included gets heaved out of his mind as soon as Yixing hands him another folder of paperworks.
Mendacity
The first round is in the SNSD quarters which often reminds Zitao of models in an army-too stiff and programmed but pretty and tall. They’re probably beauty queens, or models and idols-he isn’t quite sure, but the nose bridges and large eyes indicate they aren’t just normal people you’ll bump to in the streets of Seoul. It doesn’t even take half an hour to finish the nightly check ups in the SNSD dorms, the girls don’t talk at all, they just obey whatever he says and answer whatever question Zitao throws on them; It’s as scary as talking to robots.
The second round becomes the most complicated one every time, the SHINee quarters is composed of glasses resting on thin threads-too delicate to hold, too fragile to manage. This is a special type of insurance where the initials are already sick and need a vital cure by surgeries. There’s SHINee Taemin 0718, the patient Zitao and Yixing monitor at the same time whose initial suffers under the deadly grip of arrhythmia. Since the clone came from the same genes, they still monitor whether its heartbeat will have its normal pace or become like its initial’s-bradycardia.
The last round is more like a nursery, filled with loud patients and louder migraine that is set to transpire by the end of the day. The EXO quarter is filled with many patients in comparison to his first two rounds and that meant many headaches as well, for the patients in this quarter are much more demanding for attention and answers, something Zitao cannot quite weigh. Their number’s twice larger than the first two dorms he is assigned to, but the amount of headache just got multiplied by trillions. EXO Chanyeol 1127 who, for the sake of all that is holy, makes Zitao thinks he’s in a mental institute rather than a basement dorm. He’s giddy and gets excited over every meeting and bugs Zitao when the hell he would be able to go to the Island, if it weren’t for the high paying job and his suffering debit account he had long told the clone that he will never be able to go to the Island because first, there’s no such place as the Island; second, his Initial is as healthy as fuck (who happens to be an actor and his former fling, he reckons they don’t have that much difference in terms of personality-they’re both annoying, the Initial only possesses quite a huge amount of air in his head); and third, the clone is still not in its perfect shape. It will take a while for him to leave the dorms.
Instead of his usual ten stops in the dorm, another one added to the list (must be the new patient, Zitao thought) and it surprises Zitao-the fact that this patient looks like a doll, and how reserved he is, which is unlikely for the patients during their first few days in the dorm to act since they usually panic for not remembering anything or cry at him or do something inexplicably ridiculous. The patient sits calmly and weirdly enough on the bed at the corner of the room and barely looks up when Zitao enters. Zitao clears his throat then fakes a smile and says, “Welcome to the basement.”
Brown orbs greet Zitao back with a smile which gives the doctor an inexplicable churning in his stomach that he somehow manages to ignore by sitting before his patient and introducing himself.
“I’m Doctor Huang Zitao. Your portmanteau?” he asks.
The patient hesitates for a while before looking at him beneath his long eyelashes and saying, “E-EXO Luhan... 0420.”
“Good. How’s your stay in here?” he examines the patient as EXO Luhan 0420 purses his lips and licks it, sticking his tongue out unconsciously-a habit Zitao thinks he probably got from his Initial.
“F-Fine.”
“Don’t be so tense around me. I’m Doctor Huang.” he offers him a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes.
“I’m s-sorry.” he looks away and Zitao sees the blush on his cheeks.
“Anyway, I’ll be visiting you here from now on, same time every night. So you have no reason to be shy with me. I’ll be monitoring your health for you to be able to go to the Island.”
He notices EXO Luhan 0420’s eyes widening, like a child seeing a toy for this first time in his life. “The Island?”
“Yes. The Island.” he offers him a smile that looks so genuine it hurts.
“I... I’ve heard.” EXO Luhan 0420’s eyes shine with what seems to be a gleam of hope, to what generally transcribes to Zitao as a ray of despair.
“I’m glad. Anyway let me have your hand for a while.” he checks the patient’s wrist, ignoring the steel bracelet wrapped on it which is as cold as the suffocating air in the room. The pulse of the patient is faster than normal, which can be classified as tachycardia-that or EXO Luhan 0420 is just nervous around Huang Zitao’s presence. “Calm down,” he spurts out suddenly, seeing the patient’s silent gasp which Zitao finds cute. “Or I won’t get your pulse right. You don’t want to stay here for quite a while, would you?”
The clone shakes his head, looking terrified. “I’m sorry,” he looks down again, biting on his lower lip. “I... I thought I will spend the night alone.”
“Everyone spends their nights alone here in the basement. You’re no different than them.”
“Everyone’s lonely too?”
Zitao’s eyebrow quirks up at the question but he just hums in agreement to answer the patient’s curious question.
“How does it feel?”
“What is?”
“Seeing everyone lonely?”
Zitao stops from counting his pulse then looks at his patients in the eye and for the first time, he does not lie, “Horrible.”
Alacrity
Zitao comes home to a sleeping Yifan in the couch. He smiles to himself as he watches the older snore lightly with his mouth slightly agape. He turns to leave, heel clacking against the tiled floor when Yifan stirs, Zitao finds himself jumping in surprise a few seconds after when he suddenly gets pulled towards the man, landing on top of Yifan where he releases a chuckle and looks at the older.
“How was work?” Yifan ask, voice husky while looking at him through half-lidded eyes.
“Fine.” He says and projects a fake smile. It’s not like he treats Yifan like one of his patients, lying through forced smiles and the likes, but he lies to him because sometimes there’s no option left for him but to do so. Ever since he started working in the basement, a wall has been constructed between them, a barrier only Zitao can see.
Yifan hums, nodding as he closes his eyes and stifles a yawn. His arms loosens around Zitao’s waist and he takes it as an opportunity to pull away from him.
“Have you had your dinner yet?” Zitao asks as Yifan groans from the release of his body against his.
“Nope.”
Zitao marches through the kitchen, checking the fridge that he always finds empty at the end of the day. He releases a sigh and mentally notes himself to pass by the grocery once he gets a vacant time. “Take out?” he shouts over, closing the door of the fridge.
He hears no answer from Yifan but feels two arms wrapping around his waist. “How about I take you instead?”
Zitao feels the tingling lips of Yifan planting soft kisses on his nape.
“You smell great.” Yifan whispers, his sleepy voice that gets too rough and husky sends hot breath on Zitao’s ear that lights all of the electricity jolting down his spine to fire. He plants one last long kiss on Zitao’s nape this time, eliciting a loud exhale that he isn’t able to stop.
“Yifan...” Zitao mewls as he closes his eyes and bites his lower lip. How long have they done it? A month? A two? Zitao has already lost count of it; replaced by the maths of his salary, the science of his job and the perfect english of his lies that earned him A grades in the eyes of his bosses. Yifan’s too busy with the cases he has been assigned to, barely having a time like this-a time to make out, a time to explore each other's bodies, a time to do what they have truly live for.
A time when Yifan dips his head down and starts sucking on his shoulder blades, when Yifan's hand gets lost inside his pants, soft big hands rubbing against Zitao's half hard cock and when Yifan whispers sweet things he half meant, but means everything to Zitao. It's time like these moments that he regrets not getting something more normal of a job. At times like this he wishes, the wall will somehow collapse. He wishes.
Kismet
Maybe it's fated. To feel this good whenever Yifan will kiss him, whenever he'll taste him like cherries in spring, whenever Yifan will hold his hips tight enough for a bruise to surface a few minutes after the heated frenzy; to feel ecstasy running in his blood with every thrust Yifan does, with every whispers of sweet nothings he get as Yifan's lips trail across his shoulders and neck, with every bruise that temporarily marks Zitao as Yifan's possession. Maybe it's fated with every rhythmed dance they do in bed-perfectly flawed steps and sweet melodies coming off their mouths with every moan. Maybe meeting YIfan was destiny's luck. Maybe the wall between them is just a cruel barrier trying to block his feelings away from loving Yifan. Maybe everything's meant to be in the first place.
Zitao wakes up the next day to an empty side of the bed. He'll leave-of course, he always does. Yifan never gives Zitao enough time. Selfishness. It's what Zitao has always craved for. Selfishness. To have Yifan all by himself all day. Selfishness. It's what Zitao has never been able to possess but it avoids him like the plague. Maybe it's meant to be.
Zitao skips breakfast after an empty fridge welcomes him the second time around in twelve hours, deciding to grab a take-out from a fast food to eat before work. He enters the hospital with a bag of burger and cholesterol filled fries, ready to shorten his lifespan for a few minutes. Work will not start until after 10 minutes and he still has enough time to eat his breakfast in his cubicle in the office room. As he is about to sit down though, the bright neon yellow post-it catches his attention that is haphazardly taped on the screen of his monitor. He lazily picks it up and furrows his brows at Yixing's neat penmanship.
"Department's in chaos. Continue my work: S-4 to 5:3. Anodynes are inside the last drawer of cubicle 46. Browse my notes in the tab if you need help. Don't worry. Nothing major."
By reading the last two sentences, he eases up and glares at his take out burger then immediately regrets buying breakfast. Why shall Yixing leave today of all days? He won't be able to eat with Yixing patrolling and since no one's around in the ward, maybe he can secretly eat there. There are a lot of possibilities that Yixing will walk in to him having his breakfast, but his stomach matters more than his job right now.
He reaches the ward and sits on Yixing's table, putting the paperbag on it as he finds more notes. Thick marks of pentel pen dried still on it.
"•••/---/--/•/---/-•/• -•-/-•/---/•--/•••"
Zitao freezes, a hand stays suspended in the air before he even gets to grasp his breakfast.
He stands up and goes to the cubicle, searching for the Anodynes Yixing was working on yesterday.
"-/••••/•/-•--/’/•-•/• •••/••-/•••/•--•/•/-•-•/-/••/-•/--• ••-/•••"
Zitao immediately closes the cubicle door. Of course Yixing would have finished everything by the night. For now he would have to deal with morse.
Enemy
Someone knows.
Yixing has made it a habit to talk through codes, a language that transcribes within a chemist's mind, a barrier between the confidential and not. It has been Yixing who has known everything.
Zitao gets it a little too much. He knows the way Yixing thinks-an explosion of uncertainties but slow and sure movements, like a feline too hyper-aware of his prey.
They're suspecting us.
Of course they will suspect the doctors, Zitao and Yixing do rounds every night, almost the only people who come in the nearest touching proximity with the patients.
Zitao shakes the thoughts off his head as he walks toward the last room for tonight's round, room 2947-EXO Luhan 0420.
He enters the room with a tray of medicine in his hands-vitamins and some supplements, he did some review about the newest patient and he learned that he's a clone of the newest soccer team that's been leading in the World Cup.
Heart ailment. Lung disease. Blood circulation problems. Kidney and Stone diseases.
Those are the apparent cases his initial may be experiencing or will suffer through, a pretty lot for an athlete. Zitao notes to himself that he shall set more eyes on this patient.
EXO Luhan 0420 stands up immediately as soon as Zitao opens the door and he gets welcomed with a smile that Zitao confuses first for hope.
"You came back..." 0420 mutters, smile never leaving his expression.
"Of course. It's my job. I told you that I'll be helping you to go to the Island, didn't I?" He smiles sadly to Luhan as he ushers him to go back and sit on his bed.
Luhan does as what he is told to, he sits idly on the edge of the bed and eyes the bottle of medicine Zitao hands him.
"Take one and drink. The usual."
Luhan nods and takes the lid off, then eyes the pills inside. Zitao frowns when a weak laugh escapes Luhan's mouth. "This is silly."
Zitao stares at him. Luhan looks up to him, doe eyes visible beneath a thick layer of lashes.
"It's like me."
"Like what?"
"But at the same time, it's not." Luhan's smile drops and he shakes the last pill of medicine off its container. "Look at this."
Zitao gazes at the blue pill lying on Luhan's palm. "Drink." He instructs but the patient does not leave his eyes from the medicine.
"It was trapped." 0420 starts. "And now it's not."
Zitao wants to tell him to stop wasting his time because he still has to go home, he still has to catch Wufan awake, he still has to hear the lost 'I love you's from his mouth.
"And last night, I thought everything will be better when you came because I thought you'd stay... I thought you would never leave... But you just came to make me drink this, the bitterness. The bitterness that feels like I'm swallowing my soul just the same it hurts." Luhan throws the pill and Zitao thinks, he understands.
Zitao walks toward the edge of the bed and exhales, sitting beside his patient, sitting beside an existence that never should have been.
"Your portmanteau?" Zitao asks.
"EXO. Luhan... 0420." There's a hint of sadness in his voice that Zitao can evidently hear in his own.
"Life used to be not like this."
Luhan's eyes glisten for a short while, but there's still sadness in it. It's still there.
Makeshift
It has always been a mystery why both hands move in clockwise. Life. Why are people mandated to exist from small vulnerable angels and turn into big monsters, becoming selfish beings that fight for survival and turn into a feeble material that will soon deteriorate six feet under the filthy, dusty crust of earth?
The squeak of the cart is none more than annoying Zitao with the stupidity that he has done a few hours ago.
"Sky? What does the sky look like?"
"Expansive. Dark. Sometimes blinding. Unreachable." Zitao explained, eyes surveying the wall that suspended the clone from moving away.
"Everything that's not this place..." 0420 whispered to himself, his gaze turning to Zitao where a hint of hope lighted brighter than anything else Zitao had ever seen. "The Island has its skies too, does it?"
Zitao smiled bitterly to himself, nodding in sympathy. "Blue skies... Just like your eyes."
"Blue? Different from this wall? Have you seen it yet?" Luhan asked like waves that kept crashing on the sands, continuous yet calm. Landing with indefinite impact.
Zitao did not speak but looked at the clone in the eyes-they weren't blue, but dark ones that resembled the night, calm sky. Looking at it was like staring at a deep abyss, cold and empty-Zitao was lost. "I have."
Yifan says he'll pick him up. Fortunately, both of them are home early today and can stuff their cabinets with preserved food that will last for a month or so.
Zitao’s many kinds of person. He’s also many kinds of stupid. He makes many kinds of mistakes. But he’s only one kind of vulnerable, something Huang Zitao doesn’t show to anyone, not even to his own boyfriend. So fucked up as fucked up it has been, that one clone patient has seen one of his sides; although he hasn’t exposed everything, Zitao still feels like as if he has gone naked. The long covered part of him now in bare, and it doesn’t even feel wrong at all. Not even when he looks into Yifan’s eyes and smiles like everything is normal. Smiling like he isn’t being accused of something he has never done. Smiling like things won’t explode soon.
Elude
Zitao drops the bomb when the clock strikes a hundred and eighty degrees, perfect straight line for a perfectly honest confession. The night is stretching painfully slow, sympathizing with Zitao and avoiding what tomorrow has to offer.
“Yixing and I,” he starts, amusing himself as he avoids to tremble.
Yifan, pauses looking at him with curious eyes.
“are being accused.”
Yifan’s back becomes rigid, tension building up in him and Zitao’s sure he can hear the audible pounding on his chest. Painfully loud. “Accused... of what?”
“Spilling confidential information.” And telling the truth, He forgets to add.
The silence is tense as Yifan goes back to stack up their grocery supplies in the cabinet. “Let’s talk about it later.”
Zitao’s thankful that the night has a long time to offer.
Dinner is served when Yifan digs back on the topic, what Zitao has buried deep inside him for a little while.
“What happened?” he asks, eyes gleaming with concern that Zitao doesn’t know whether to lie again or tell him the truth.
“I don’t know.” the truth.
“What?” Yifan burrows his forehead in confusion, food completely forgotten.
“A patient found out that he’s a clone.” he says, takes a sip of his juice before proceeding. “And clones like them do not have the capability to process such information with the level of knowledge that they possess.”
“How did he find out about it, then?”
“That, I have no idea.” a lie.
“When you said you and Yixing are being accused... is it possible that Yixing did it?”
Blind. Yifan is too blind.
“Yixing will not do it. You know that.” Yifan does not know it. “He wants me to get away from the department, but that will just lead them to more suspicions.”
“Zitao, didn’t I tell you a long time ago that this job’s too dangerous for you?”
Zitao laughs at him. “Isn’t being a lawyer as dangerous as what I do?”
Yifan only looks at him.
“We both took the dangerous path, Yifan” he says. “But worry not, I know what I’m doing”
A lie.
Fraction
“Until when do I have to drink this thing?” the clone asks as the bitter taste of medicine engulfs his tongue.
“Hmm... Till I stop giving them to you?” the busy doctor keeps jotting down stuff on his paper that the clone couldn’t really grasp a full comprehension of, so Luhan sets his glass of water on the bedside table, waiting for Dr. Huang to start talking.
“Why aren’t you in the Island yet, Doctor Huang? You look perfectly fine.” Luhan surveys him from head to toe. Doctor Huang has a great shape, as far as his knowledge can reach. The doctor looks physically fit where Luhan notices the small details-his broad chest hugged tightly by his cream colored polo, his biceps flexing under the sleeves of his white lab gown and his thighs... the clone gulps as something weird stirs inside of him.
“Because...” he trails off, head turning to the clone. “...I chose this job.” The doctor’s gaze softens, which makes the clone’s brows furrow in worry.
“Are you lonely too?” Luhan manages to ask, and Doctor Huang opens his mouth as if to say something, but he pauses and only an exhale is heard.
“I guess.” his eyes casts down and the doctor places his records on the bedside table. “It really gets extremely lonely here sometimes.”
“All the time.” Luhan corrects and they share a short giggle. “You know what,”
“Hmm?”
“You’re beautiful.” Adjective. Aesthetically pleasing. Excellent.
“What?” Doctor Huang’s head snaps to his side and Luhan flushes, cheeks staining red.
“N-Nothing.”
He’s a beautiful nothing. And it’s not even a fraction of the truth.
Escape
Huang Zitao goes back to his office, a migraine threatening to emerge when he slumps down on his chair, on the other side, Zhang Yixing takes off his lab coat and hands Huang Zitao a file of folders.
“I’m going to have to assign you back up there.” Yixing says and Zitao looks dumbfoundedly at him for a while.
His eyebrows furrow and he looks disbelievingly at his co-worker.
“Things are going worse in the department.” he exhales and directs his gaze away from Zitao.
“...You’re kidding.”
“No.” Yixing shakes his head and slumps on his chair, massaging his nape as he closes his eyes and avoids Zitao’s deadly stare.
“This is idiotic, Yixing. You’ll raise more suspicions once you send me up there!” Zitao yells at him.
“There’s no time to think, Zitao. They won’t send out immigrants until they found out who told 1106 about their identity.”
Zitao closes his eyes, a hand pressing on his upper face while he tries to make a sense out of what his co-worker's trying to do. "I don't understand. There's only the two of us here and you're sending me up there just because someone told them the truth. Yixing, don't draw more suspicion towards us if you want to come clean-" Zitao stops when Yixing gives him a sad smile.
The other doctor looks away when Zitao comes into a realization, stricken by fear and unable to say anything. "I always know, Zitao. And I know you love your job more than anything else in this world so I'd rather take the blame than let people find out that it was-"
"No! N-No... Yixing... I am not allowing you.”
“I already told them. You have to be gone after the next selection, if you don’t want to die with me.” Yixing folds his lab gown and places it on top of his table. “I know what I’m doing, Zitao. You don’t have to worry.” He leaves Zitao staring at the millions of post-it notes stuck on his little bulletin board.
“We both took the dangerous path, Yifan” he says. “But worry not, I know what I’m doing”
Zitao feels like someone splashed a bucket of cold water on him.
He goes home disgruntled, thoughts mixing here and there and anger frustrating him every second. When he opens the door to their unit, he sees no Yifan he can lean on, no Yifan he can talk to and no Yifan he used to love.
Everlasting
“Until when do I have to drink this thing?” the clone asks as the bitter taste of medicine engulfs his tongue.
“Till you get selected and finally set foot on the Island.” he answers and waits for his last patient to talk. He meets an empty bottle of medicine handed towards his direction, eyeing the bottle weirdly and taking it with a little hesitation.
“Your answer’s not the same as the last time.” 0420 casts a gloom of sadness on his face, eyes avoiding the doctor.
“I...I’m sorry?” Zitao suddenly feels suffocated in the room. The last patient turns away from him and Zitao heaves a sigh, cursing to himself as he exits the room and deeply immerses himself in the silence of the hallways for the last time.
He reaches the office just in time Yixing finishes packing his stuff, sadness gleaming in his eyes.
"Yixing, we do not have to do this," he explains as soon as he nears the table, approaching Yixing who's smiling sadly at him. "You love this job as much as I do."
"I don't want to die with you, Huang. I value my life more than my job, and besides, you'll still have fun up there. I just wish the both of us will be replaced by better liars." He whispers the last two words which earns a giggle from Zitao.
"Better liars last longer in this industry."
Yixing smiles widely at him and for the last time he says, “Everlasting.”
Leave
“You’re home early?” Zitao pauses when Yifan’s voice fills the living room, pausing from taking his coat off.
“Yeah...” Zitao smiles when Yifan emerges.
Yifan stops when he sees Zitao walking towards him, hesitation glowing apparent in his lover's eyes. But Yifan smiles widely at him, encouraging him to go on and so he does, hugging Yifan which makes it awkward between the two of them. Zitao doesn't let go and nuzzles his nose on Yifan's neck.
"What's the occasion?" Yifan laughs and he lifts his arm, hands pressing on his boyfriend's back.
"The occasion is us." Zitao whispers, breath tingling the lawyer's neck. "I told you I'd do the right thing, didn't I?" He pulls away and Yifan tightens his arms on his waist.
"You finally left?" Relief can be seen in his eyes that flushes Zitao's ego down the drain.
Zitao says yes by the form of a kiss.
Better liars last longer in this world.
Luhan often thinks how to become like Zitao. A doctor who gets to roam around the dorm everytime, know about what he's been giving Luhan and the other 'patients', most of all, Dr. Huang gets to live his life, Luhan thinks. And for the fourteen hours Luhan has been awake every single day, everything that Zitao does and Zitao has are the things Luhan thinks about. Curiosity eats his body and mind like a starving monster, its fangs biting and crushing his patience into knowing more, more, more. Craving for it like a drug, drug, drug. He wants to get intoxicated by it like an alcohol, and he's not going to stop himself until he's drunk from the facts.
The door opens and Luhan sits straight, like a good dog patiently waiting for his master. His smile is already propped on his face only to fall back when a different face welcomes him. "Hello. My name's Kim Junmyeon. I'll be looking after you from now on."
Something uncomfortable falls heavily on Luhan's stomach. "Where's Dr. Huang?" He asks, voice shaking.
"Sorry, Dr. Huang has gone off to the Island. And I'll be helping you to go there as soon as possible." The new doctor gives him a friendly smile. The clone can't help but to smile back.
He should be happy for the Doctor because his misery has finally ended. He should be happy because Zitao can see the skies again. He should be happy for him because he has finally escaped the loneliness in this place. "When I go to the Island, can I still find Dr. Huang there?"
"The Island's a big place," Kim Junmyeon pauses as he hands two pieces of pills on Luhan's hand. Why is he giving me so much? before Luhan can ask him, the doctor continues, "but I'm sure you can find Dr. Huang there."
Something weird settles in Luhan's stomach. There's something in this new doctor's smile that doesn't feel real. Something about his words that doesn't quite fit in the world that he has created along with Zitao. There's something about him that is so.... deceiving.
"Hello." Zitao greets the new doctor writing furiously on his record book. "I'm here to collect my stuff. I'm transferring them up."
The doctor stops writing and looks up, his cheeks flushes but he immediately greets Zitao back. "Oh, hi! Hi! Please take a seat!" A guy with a huge set of eyes greets him warmly, offering him the seat that was formerly Yixing's. With the thought of his co-worker, Zitao's chest tightens, nostalgia kicking him straight up where it hurts.
"I see you're doing well." He says as soon as he sits down.
"I'm still studying and groping up on anything to be able to work well. But, thanks!" The doctor cheerfully says and extends out his arm. "The name's Do Kyungsoo!"
"Nice to meet you! I'm Huang Zitao. And I'm in the neurosurgical department now." Zitao takes his hand, feeling a shaky and sweating hand grip his. "If you need help with stuff, you can always ring me there."
"I guess there's only one thing I need help with." Kyungsoo smiles.
"I don't think I can help you with that." Zitao's grin falls. "Because that's the reason why I quit the job in the first place." His laugh that comes after seems so... deceiving.
Kyungsoo laughs along with him. "Too bad you didn't meet Junmyeon-the current head, he's just out doing the rounds."
"Hmmm... The new head's excited, huh?" He says cocking his head to the right. "It's a little too early, I usually start my rounds at the last hour of the day."
"Junmyeon is a little excited over seeing the clones. And possibly being friends with them."
"Well, I've never had any friends in the do-" Zitao pauses when a voice fills his mind.
'You know what?'
'Hmm?'
'You're beautiful.'
"The head did say they can be a little hard to talk to. I anticipate that in the future."
"S-some..." he trails off. What is its portmanteau again? 0410? 0412? Zitao swears he easily forgets, but he did have a little fun in the dorms, didn't he? "Some talk a lot. It won't be as boring as you think it is."
"I see, anyway, your boxes are in the storage room. Junmyeon helped me move them a while ago. Come on, let me help you get them."
PART 1 | PART 2
Pairing: Tao/Kris, Tao/Luhan
Rating: PG-15
Length: 13,600+ words
Warnings (if any): implied sex, character death
Notes: Loosely inspired by the movie, The Island.
Summary: Somewhere along a preternatural job Zitao finds an interesting patient he never thought will play a very crucial role in his life. And his potential breakdown.
Yearn
Zitao has already done the math. Almost a million dollar for an entire year, benefits resting on top of a golden velvet and a life insurance that can cover all of his expenses for his entire life-there’s nothing more he can ask for.
Maybe an extended break but there’s nothing much to do in his free time inside the company, he’s stuck fifty miles or so below the ground and the food served every twelve o’clock on his desk is way better than the calorie-inducing snacks he can buy from the nearest convenient store. He can’t help but think if the food he’s being given is also the same as what his patients receive, do they eat apple pies? Are they allowed to eat apple pies? Do they even know what an apple pie is?
He takes another bite as he expects nothing to answer back at him. Questions never get reciprocated back as replies in the basement, they simply litter the air like stars-shining brightly aloft but ungraspable like beach sand on salt water, yet they linger, bugging him until it gets on his nerves. His phone alarms a few moments after he’s finished with his snack, playing an R&B song Yifan set a few weeks back that none of his officemates have yet heard and will never ever hear since he’s planning to change it soon without the older knowing. He lazily stands from his chair and puts his lab coat back on, and he realizes he looks so old with the attire, but dashing Yifan will never fail to add whenever Zitao will frown before a mirror.
Zitao dashes outside within a span of a minute.
Oasis
Zitao never feels secured enough inside the basement. Heels clack against tiled flooring. Breaths huff in enclosed walls. Every hallway in the underground is a threshold of infinity, it always feels as if Zitao will never reach the dorms in a matter of an hour, the travel is always too long, too torturous.
Since it is still noon, he still needs to attend to the ward which never gets occupied unless there are new clones in line for the third phase, or ‘patients’ that need medical attention and he spends the entire afternoon sorting the medicine prescriptions for all of his patients before he distributes them to three different dorms.
Among everything that he’s been doing in this job, the night part is his favorite. Getting to visit different dorms, staying for five minutes long to check on vital data and getting a chance to converse with his patients, it’s probably one of the reasons why Zitao doesn’t bother about the Maths and Physics that his work has given him; he’s happy, but there’s nothing more beautiful than seeing hope glisten people’s eyes. No matter how much of a lie he feeds them, they will keep believing him anyway.
Zitao stops midway the ward when he sees a body lying in one of the hospital bed, dressed in blue gown, pale skin-an indicator that it is a clone-in complete contrast with its honey brown locks lying peacefully on his forehead. Zitao thinks he knows the guy but does not press himself into remembering since he needs to do his job first, he saunters toward a busy Yixing who doesn’t leave his gaze from the papers and pills before him. Yixing’s a doctor just like himself but is assigned into different dorms, normally Zitao will see him and his fake deceiving smile across the hallways in the basement and he cannot help but think why Yixing gives fake smiles instead of real ones to his patients, it’s the only hope they can hold on to anyway, no matter how false it can be.
“Portmanteau?” he asks to Yixing, referring to the lying clone on the bed.
“He has no portmanteau yet.” Yixing says, pausing from humming by himself as he arranges pills and papers on his table.
“A new one?” his brow quirks up. The only clones with no portmanteaus are the ones set to be in the third phase-new ones.
Yixing only hums in agreement, not bothering to spare Zitao a single glance. Zitao sits before his table, just right beside Yixing’s and browses through the folder he has sorted a few nights before.
“I thought the company will not be releasing new clones until the start of spring?”
He sighs, finally looking up at Zitao. “This one looks quite special, I heard they rushed him during the first phase but still managed to pull out a nice outcome.” The first phase of making a clone is connecting bones, flesh, limbs, tissues and every single organ together; the most crucial part of the process. Once everything is perfectly copied from the Initials, then the body is moved to the second phase-the mental phase. Clones are given memories taken from their Initials, although nothing can be too vivid. These memories remain as the clone’s recurring dream, sometimes a nightmare; they depend on what the Initials’ thoughts are during the mimeograph. The third phase starts when the clone comes into the strings of consciousness, the Portmanteaus given will be based on the type of insurance the Initial paid-the highest is the insurance 1, DBSK, ranging about a hundred million to a billion dollars. There have only been five DBSK insured clones so far, all either royalties or corrupt individuals. The second is the EXO, one of the largest numbered insurance in the company-even Zitao got his own clone in EXO, too bad he stopped funding it after a year since the money invested for this is no joke. Ever since he stopped paying the dorm got assigned to him, making Zitao think if this has been a way to make him get back his insurance again.
“No portmanteau yet? Does that mean he won’t be waking up anytime soon?”
Yixing only shrugs.
Utopia
Zitao is a doctor for two different purposes-the first one is to cure while the second purpose is to lie. Working for the Klonos made Zitao a great liar, even to his own boyfriend. Yifan, surely he does know all of the dark secrets that the Klonos has, but he has been oblivious of how much Zitao has changed in a span of a year. Or maybe Yifan’s quite good in lying too. But it can never be a lie, the lovely gazes Yifan always sets to him, the warm smile that welcomes him during the morning, the soft touch Zitao always begs for-they’re all so genuine it can’t be lies.
He is a doctor to cure. Mastering Genetics and Biochemistry for nine years has not made Zitao to expect landing in one of the most classified organizations in the world-The Klonos. The company gave him a big starting pay and even let him study pharmacology for two years while working in the basement. And that’s when he mastered the art of lying, simultaneously.
He can never call the patients in the basement ignorants since they are being fed false information and being starved from the truth. Falsifying facts comes to him now as a second nature, sticking like a leech and sucking off blood from him in order to survive, in order to hold onto his name and profession. Sometimes Zitao thinks having to lie is a mandatory process in order to maintain the PhD attached to his name, right just next to shame.
The groan on the other side of the ward startles Zitao, leaving him out of his thoughts. Another grunt of pain is heard and Zitao dashes off to the side of his patient, his patient’s palms are shaking and he’s sweating-as if he’s about to wake up, he checks his pulse and sees it increasing. Zitao runs to his desk and taps the digits on the 5g that he barely uses. A face comes up as soon as the call is answered.
“This is Doctor Huang and the patient at ward one is about to wake up.”
“Registered.” says the face and the call comes to an end. It only takes a matter of seconds when two men in lab coat enter the ward and pull the hospital bed toward the E.R.. Which reminds Zitao that you can never spell emergency without emerge. The mystery whether which dorm the last patient will be included gets heaved out of his mind as soon as Yixing hands him another folder of paperworks.
Mendacity
The first round is in the SNSD quarters which often reminds Zitao of models in an army-too stiff and programmed but pretty and tall. They’re probably beauty queens, or models and idols-he isn’t quite sure, but the nose bridges and large eyes indicate they aren’t just normal people you’ll bump to in the streets of Seoul. It doesn’t even take half an hour to finish the nightly check ups in the SNSD dorms, the girls don’t talk at all, they just obey whatever he says and answer whatever question Zitao throws on them; It’s as scary as talking to robots.
The second round becomes the most complicated one every time, the SHINee quarters is composed of glasses resting on thin threads-too delicate to hold, too fragile to manage. This is a special type of insurance where the initials are already sick and need a vital cure by surgeries. There’s SHINee Taemin 0718, the patient Zitao and Yixing monitor at the same time whose initial suffers under the deadly grip of arrhythmia. Since the clone came from the same genes, they still monitor whether its heartbeat will have its normal pace or become like its initial’s-bradycardia.
The last round is more like a nursery, filled with loud patients and louder migraine that is set to transpire by the end of the day. The EXO quarter is filled with many patients in comparison to his first two rounds and that meant many headaches as well, for the patients in this quarter are much more demanding for attention and answers, something Zitao cannot quite weigh. Their number’s twice larger than the first two dorms he is assigned to, but the amount of headache just got multiplied by trillions. EXO Chanyeol 1127 who, for the sake of all that is holy, makes Zitao thinks he’s in a mental institute rather than a basement dorm. He’s giddy and gets excited over every meeting and bugs Zitao when the hell he would be able to go to the Island, if it weren’t for the high paying job and his suffering debit account he had long told the clone that he will never be able to go to the Island because first, there’s no such place as the Island; second, his Initial is as healthy as fuck (who happens to be an actor and his former fling, he reckons they don’t have that much difference in terms of personality-they’re both annoying, the Initial only possesses quite a huge amount of air in his head); and third, the clone is still not in its perfect shape. It will take a while for him to leave the dorms.
Instead of his usual ten stops in the dorm, another one added to the list (must be the new patient, Zitao thought) and it surprises Zitao-the fact that this patient looks like a doll, and how reserved he is, which is unlikely for the patients during their first few days in the dorm to act since they usually panic for not remembering anything or cry at him or do something inexplicably ridiculous. The patient sits calmly and weirdly enough on the bed at the corner of the room and barely looks up when Zitao enters. Zitao clears his throat then fakes a smile and says, “Welcome to the basement.”
Brown orbs greet Zitao back with a smile which gives the doctor an inexplicable churning in his stomach that he somehow manages to ignore by sitting before his patient and introducing himself.
“I’m Doctor Huang Zitao. Your portmanteau?” he asks.
The patient hesitates for a while before looking at him beneath his long eyelashes and saying, “E-EXO Luhan... 0420.”
“Good. How’s your stay in here?” he examines the patient as EXO Luhan 0420 purses his lips and licks it, sticking his tongue out unconsciously-a habit Zitao thinks he probably got from his Initial.
“F-Fine.”
“Don’t be so tense around me. I’m Doctor Huang.” he offers him a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes.
“I’m s-sorry.” he looks away and Zitao sees the blush on his cheeks.
“Anyway, I’ll be visiting you here from now on, same time every night. So you have no reason to be shy with me. I’ll be monitoring your health for you to be able to go to the Island.”
He notices EXO Luhan 0420’s eyes widening, like a child seeing a toy for this first time in his life. “The Island?”
“Yes. The Island.” he offers him a smile that looks so genuine it hurts.
“I... I’ve heard.” EXO Luhan 0420’s eyes shine with what seems to be a gleam of hope, to what generally transcribes to Zitao as a ray of despair.
“I’m glad. Anyway let me have your hand for a while.” he checks the patient’s wrist, ignoring the steel bracelet wrapped on it which is as cold as the suffocating air in the room. The pulse of the patient is faster than normal, which can be classified as tachycardia-that or EXO Luhan 0420 is just nervous around Huang Zitao’s presence. “Calm down,” he spurts out suddenly, seeing the patient’s silent gasp which Zitao finds cute. “Or I won’t get your pulse right. You don’t want to stay here for quite a while, would you?”
The clone shakes his head, looking terrified. “I’m sorry,” he looks down again, biting on his lower lip. “I... I thought I will spend the night alone.”
“Everyone spends their nights alone here in the basement. You’re no different than them.”
“Everyone’s lonely too?”
Zitao’s eyebrow quirks up at the question but he just hums in agreement to answer the patient’s curious question.
“How does it feel?”
“What is?”
“Seeing everyone lonely?”
Zitao stops from counting his pulse then looks at his patients in the eye and for the first time, he does not lie, “Horrible.”
Alacrity
Zitao comes home to a sleeping Yifan in the couch. He smiles to himself as he watches the older snore lightly with his mouth slightly agape. He turns to leave, heel clacking against the tiled floor when Yifan stirs, Zitao finds himself jumping in surprise a few seconds after when he suddenly gets pulled towards the man, landing on top of Yifan where he releases a chuckle and looks at the older.
“How was work?” Yifan ask, voice husky while looking at him through half-lidded eyes.
“Fine.” He says and projects a fake smile. It’s not like he treats Yifan like one of his patients, lying through forced smiles and the likes, but he lies to him because sometimes there’s no option left for him but to do so. Ever since he started working in the basement, a wall has been constructed between them, a barrier only Zitao can see.
Yifan hums, nodding as he closes his eyes and stifles a yawn. His arms loosens around Zitao’s waist and he takes it as an opportunity to pull away from him.
“Have you had your dinner yet?” Zitao asks as Yifan groans from the release of his body against his.
“Nope.”
Zitao marches through the kitchen, checking the fridge that he always finds empty at the end of the day. He releases a sigh and mentally notes himself to pass by the grocery once he gets a vacant time. “Take out?” he shouts over, closing the door of the fridge.
He hears no answer from Yifan but feels two arms wrapping around his waist. “How about I take you instead?”
Zitao feels the tingling lips of Yifan planting soft kisses on his nape.
“You smell great.” Yifan whispers, his sleepy voice that gets too rough and husky sends hot breath on Zitao’s ear that lights all of the electricity jolting down his spine to fire. He plants one last long kiss on Zitao’s nape this time, eliciting a loud exhale that he isn’t able to stop.
“Yifan...” Zitao mewls as he closes his eyes and bites his lower lip. How long have they done it? A month? A two? Zitao has already lost count of it; replaced by the maths of his salary, the science of his job and the perfect english of his lies that earned him A grades in the eyes of his bosses. Yifan’s too busy with the cases he has been assigned to, barely having a time like this-a time to make out, a time to explore each other's bodies, a time to do what they have truly live for.
A time when Yifan dips his head down and starts sucking on his shoulder blades, when Yifan's hand gets lost inside his pants, soft big hands rubbing against Zitao's half hard cock and when Yifan whispers sweet things he half meant, but means everything to Zitao. It's time like these moments that he regrets not getting something more normal of a job. At times like this he wishes, the wall will somehow collapse. He wishes.
Kismet
Maybe it's fated. To feel this good whenever Yifan will kiss him, whenever he'll taste him like cherries in spring, whenever Yifan will hold his hips tight enough for a bruise to surface a few minutes after the heated frenzy; to feel ecstasy running in his blood with every thrust Yifan does, with every whispers of sweet nothings he get as Yifan's lips trail across his shoulders and neck, with every bruise that temporarily marks Zitao as Yifan's possession. Maybe it's fated with every rhythmed dance they do in bed-perfectly flawed steps and sweet melodies coming off their mouths with every moan. Maybe meeting YIfan was destiny's luck. Maybe the wall between them is just a cruel barrier trying to block his feelings away from loving Yifan. Maybe everything's meant to be in the first place.
Zitao wakes up the next day to an empty side of the bed. He'll leave-of course, he always does. Yifan never gives Zitao enough time. Selfishness. It's what Zitao has always craved for. Selfishness. To have Yifan all by himself all day. Selfishness. It's what Zitao has never been able to possess but it avoids him like the plague. Maybe it's meant to be.
Zitao skips breakfast after an empty fridge welcomes him the second time around in twelve hours, deciding to grab a take-out from a fast food to eat before work. He enters the hospital with a bag of burger and cholesterol filled fries, ready to shorten his lifespan for a few minutes. Work will not start until after 10 minutes and he still has enough time to eat his breakfast in his cubicle in the office room. As he is about to sit down though, the bright neon yellow post-it catches his attention that is haphazardly taped on the screen of his monitor. He lazily picks it up and furrows his brows at Yixing's neat penmanship.
"Department's in chaos. Continue my work: S-4 to 5:3. Anodynes are inside the last drawer of cubicle 46. Browse my notes in the tab if you need help. Don't worry. Nothing major."
By reading the last two sentences, he eases up and glares at his take out burger then immediately regrets buying breakfast. Why shall Yixing leave today of all days? He won't be able to eat with Yixing patrolling and since no one's around in the ward, maybe he can secretly eat there. There are a lot of possibilities that Yixing will walk in to him having his breakfast, but his stomach matters more than his job right now.
He reaches the ward and sits on Yixing's table, putting the paperbag on it as he finds more notes. Thick marks of pentel pen dried still on it.
"•••/---/--/•/---/-•/• -•-/-•/---/•--/•••"
Zitao freezes, a hand stays suspended in the air before he even gets to grasp his breakfast.
He stands up and goes to the cubicle, searching for the Anodynes Yixing was working on yesterday.
"-/••••/•/-•--/’/•-•/• •••/••-/•••/•--•/•/-•-•/-/••/-•/--• ••-/•••"
Zitao immediately closes the cubicle door. Of course Yixing would have finished everything by the night. For now he would have to deal with morse.
Enemy
Someone knows.
Yixing has made it a habit to talk through codes, a language that transcribes within a chemist's mind, a barrier between the confidential and not. It has been Yixing who has known everything.
Zitao gets it a little too much. He knows the way Yixing thinks-an explosion of uncertainties but slow and sure movements, like a feline too hyper-aware of his prey.
They're suspecting us.
Of course they will suspect the doctors, Zitao and Yixing do rounds every night, almost the only people who come in the nearest touching proximity with the patients.
Zitao shakes the thoughts off his head as he walks toward the last room for tonight's round, room 2947-EXO Luhan 0420.
He enters the room with a tray of medicine in his hands-vitamins and some supplements, he did some review about the newest patient and he learned that he's a clone of the newest soccer team that's been leading in the World Cup.
Heart ailment. Lung disease. Blood circulation problems. Kidney and Stone diseases.
Those are the apparent cases his initial may be experiencing or will suffer through, a pretty lot for an athlete. Zitao notes to himself that he shall set more eyes on this patient.
EXO Luhan 0420 stands up immediately as soon as Zitao opens the door and he gets welcomed with a smile that Zitao confuses first for hope.
"You came back..." 0420 mutters, smile never leaving his expression.
"Of course. It's my job. I told you that I'll be helping you to go to the Island, didn't I?" He smiles sadly to Luhan as he ushers him to go back and sit on his bed.
Luhan does as what he is told to, he sits idly on the edge of the bed and eyes the bottle of medicine Zitao hands him.
"Take one and drink. The usual."
Luhan nods and takes the lid off, then eyes the pills inside. Zitao frowns when a weak laugh escapes Luhan's mouth. "This is silly."
Zitao stares at him. Luhan looks up to him, doe eyes visible beneath a thick layer of lashes.
"It's like me."
"Like what?"
"But at the same time, it's not." Luhan's smile drops and he shakes the last pill of medicine off its container. "Look at this."
Zitao gazes at the blue pill lying on Luhan's palm. "Drink." He instructs but the patient does not leave his eyes from the medicine.
"It was trapped." 0420 starts. "And now it's not."
Zitao wants to tell him to stop wasting his time because he still has to go home, he still has to catch Wufan awake, he still has to hear the lost 'I love you's from his mouth.
"And last night, I thought everything will be better when you came because I thought you'd stay... I thought you would never leave... But you just came to make me drink this, the bitterness. The bitterness that feels like I'm swallowing my soul just the same it hurts." Luhan throws the pill and Zitao thinks, he understands.
Zitao walks toward the edge of the bed and exhales, sitting beside his patient, sitting beside an existence that never should have been.
"Your portmanteau?" Zitao asks.
"EXO. Luhan... 0420." There's a hint of sadness in his voice that Zitao can evidently hear in his own.
"Life used to be not like this."
Luhan's eyes glisten for a short while, but there's still sadness in it. It's still there.
Makeshift
It has always been a mystery why both hands move in clockwise. Life. Why are people mandated to exist from small vulnerable angels and turn into big monsters, becoming selfish beings that fight for survival and turn into a feeble material that will soon deteriorate six feet under the filthy, dusty crust of earth?
The squeak of the cart is none more than annoying Zitao with the stupidity that he has done a few hours ago.
"Sky? What does the sky look like?"
"Expansive. Dark. Sometimes blinding. Unreachable." Zitao explained, eyes surveying the wall that suspended the clone from moving away.
"Everything that's not this place..." 0420 whispered to himself, his gaze turning to Zitao where a hint of hope lighted brighter than anything else Zitao had ever seen. "The Island has its skies too, does it?"
Zitao smiled bitterly to himself, nodding in sympathy. "Blue skies... Just like your eyes."
"Blue? Different from this wall? Have you seen it yet?" Luhan asked like waves that kept crashing on the sands, continuous yet calm. Landing with indefinite impact.
Zitao did not speak but looked at the clone in the eyes-they weren't blue, but dark ones that resembled the night, calm sky. Looking at it was like staring at a deep abyss, cold and empty-Zitao was lost. "I have."
Yifan says he'll pick him up. Fortunately, both of them are home early today and can stuff their cabinets with preserved food that will last for a month or so.
Zitao’s many kinds of person. He’s also many kinds of stupid. He makes many kinds of mistakes. But he’s only one kind of vulnerable, something Huang Zitao doesn’t show to anyone, not even to his own boyfriend. So fucked up as fucked up it has been, that one clone patient has seen one of his sides; although he hasn’t exposed everything, Zitao still feels like as if he has gone naked. The long covered part of him now in bare, and it doesn’t even feel wrong at all. Not even when he looks into Yifan’s eyes and smiles like everything is normal. Smiling like he isn’t being accused of something he has never done. Smiling like things won’t explode soon.
Elude
Zitao drops the bomb when the clock strikes a hundred and eighty degrees, perfect straight line for a perfectly honest confession. The night is stretching painfully slow, sympathizing with Zitao and avoiding what tomorrow has to offer.
“Yixing and I,” he starts, amusing himself as he avoids to tremble.
Yifan, pauses looking at him with curious eyes.
“are being accused.”
Yifan’s back becomes rigid, tension building up in him and Zitao’s sure he can hear the audible pounding on his chest. Painfully loud. “Accused... of what?”
“Spilling confidential information.” And telling the truth, He forgets to add.
The silence is tense as Yifan goes back to stack up their grocery supplies in the cabinet. “Let’s talk about it later.”
Zitao’s thankful that the night has a long time to offer.
Dinner is served when Yifan digs back on the topic, what Zitao has buried deep inside him for a little while.
“What happened?” he asks, eyes gleaming with concern that Zitao doesn’t know whether to lie again or tell him the truth.
“I don’t know.” the truth.
“What?” Yifan burrows his forehead in confusion, food completely forgotten.
“A patient found out that he’s a clone.” he says, takes a sip of his juice before proceeding. “And clones like them do not have the capability to process such information with the level of knowledge that they possess.”
“How did he find out about it, then?”
“That, I have no idea.” a lie.
“When you said you and Yixing are being accused... is it possible that Yixing did it?”
Blind. Yifan is too blind.
“Yixing will not do it. You know that.” Yifan does not know it. “He wants me to get away from the department, but that will just lead them to more suspicions.”
“Zitao, didn’t I tell you a long time ago that this job’s too dangerous for you?”
Zitao laughs at him. “Isn’t being a lawyer as dangerous as what I do?”
Yifan only looks at him.
“We both took the dangerous path, Yifan” he says. “But worry not, I know what I’m doing”
A lie.
Fraction
“Until when do I have to drink this thing?” the clone asks as the bitter taste of medicine engulfs his tongue.
“Hmm... Till I stop giving them to you?” the busy doctor keeps jotting down stuff on his paper that the clone couldn’t really grasp a full comprehension of, so Luhan sets his glass of water on the bedside table, waiting for Dr. Huang to start talking.
“Why aren’t you in the Island yet, Doctor Huang? You look perfectly fine.” Luhan surveys him from head to toe. Doctor Huang has a great shape, as far as his knowledge can reach. The doctor looks physically fit where Luhan notices the small details-his broad chest hugged tightly by his cream colored polo, his biceps flexing under the sleeves of his white lab gown and his thighs... the clone gulps as something weird stirs inside of him.
“Because...” he trails off, head turning to the clone. “...I chose this job.” The doctor’s gaze softens, which makes the clone’s brows furrow in worry.
“Are you lonely too?” Luhan manages to ask, and Doctor Huang opens his mouth as if to say something, but he pauses and only an exhale is heard.
“I guess.” his eyes casts down and the doctor places his records on the bedside table. “It really gets extremely lonely here sometimes.”
“All the time.” Luhan corrects and they share a short giggle. “You know what,”
“Hmm?”
“You’re beautiful.” Adjective. Aesthetically pleasing. Excellent.
“What?” Doctor Huang’s head snaps to his side and Luhan flushes, cheeks staining red.
“N-Nothing.”
He’s a beautiful nothing. And it’s not even a fraction of the truth.
Escape
Huang Zitao goes back to his office, a migraine threatening to emerge when he slumps down on his chair, on the other side, Zhang Yixing takes off his lab coat and hands Huang Zitao a file of folders.
“I’m going to have to assign you back up there.” Yixing says and Zitao looks dumbfoundedly at him for a while.
His eyebrows furrow and he looks disbelievingly at his co-worker.
“Things are going worse in the department.” he exhales and directs his gaze away from Zitao.
“...You’re kidding.”
“No.” Yixing shakes his head and slumps on his chair, massaging his nape as he closes his eyes and avoids Zitao’s deadly stare.
“This is idiotic, Yixing. You’ll raise more suspicions once you send me up there!” Zitao yells at him.
“There’s no time to think, Zitao. They won’t send out immigrants until they found out who told 1106 about their identity.”
Zitao closes his eyes, a hand pressing on his upper face while he tries to make a sense out of what his co-worker's trying to do. "I don't understand. There's only the two of us here and you're sending me up there just because someone told them the truth. Yixing, don't draw more suspicion towards us if you want to come clean-" Zitao stops when Yixing gives him a sad smile.
The other doctor looks away when Zitao comes into a realization, stricken by fear and unable to say anything. "I always know, Zitao. And I know you love your job more than anything else in this world so I'd rather take the blame than let people find out that it was-"
"No! N-No... Yixing... I am not allowing you.”
“I already told them. You have to be gone after the next selection, if you don’t want to die with me.” Yixing folds his lab gown and places it on top of his table. “I know what I’m doing, Zitao. You don’t have to worry.” He leaves Zitao staring at the millions of post-it notes stuck on his little bulletin board.
“We both took the dangerous path, Yifan” he says. “But worry not, I know what I’m doing”
Zitao feels like someone splashed a bucket of cold water on him.
He goes home disgruntled, thoughts mixing here and there and anger frustrating him every second. When he opens the door to their unit, he sees no Yifan he can lean on, no Yifan he can talk to and no Yifan he used to love.
Everlasting
“Until when do I have to drink this thing?” the clone asks as the bitter taste of medicine engulfs his tongue.
“Till you get selected and finally set foot on the Island.” he answers and waits for his last patient to talk. He meets an empty bottle of medicine handed towards his direction, eyeing the bottle weirdly and taking it with a little hesitation.
“Your answer’s not the same as the last time.” 0420 casts a gloom of sadness on his face, eyes avoiding the doctor.
“I...I’m sorry?” Zitao suddenly feels suffocated in the room. The last patient turns away from him and Zitao heaves a sigh, cursing to himself as he exits the room and deeply immerses himself in the silence of the hallways for the last time.
He reaches the office just in time Yixing finishes packing his stuff, sadness gleaming in his eyes.
"Yixing, we do not have to do this," he explains as soon as he nears the table, approaching Yixing who's smiling sadly at him. "You love this job as much as I do."
"I don't want to die with you, Huang. I value my life more than my job, and besides, you'll still have fun up there. I just wish the both of us will be replaced by better liars." He whispers the last two words which earns a giggle from Zitao.
"Better liars last longer in this industry."
Yixing smiles widely at him and for the last time he says, “Everlasting.”
Leave
“You’re home early?” Zitao pauses when Yifan’s voice fills the living room, pausing from taking his coat off.
“Yeah...” Zitao smiles when Yifan emerges.
Yifan stops when he sees Zitao walking towards him, hesitation glowing apparent in his lover's eyes. But Yifan smiles widely at him, encouraging him to go on and so he does, hugging Yifan which makes it awkward between the two of them. Zitao doesn't let go and nuzzles his nose on Yifan's neck.
"What's the occasion?" Yifan laughs and he lifts his arm, hands pressing on his boyfriend's back.
"The occasion is us." Zitao whispers, breath tingling the lawyer's neck. "I told you I'd do the right thing, didn't I?" He pulls away and Yifan tightens his arms on his waist.
"You finally left?" Relief can be seen in his eyes that flushes Zitao's ego down the drain.
Zitao says yes by the form of a kiss.
Better liars last longer in this world.
Luhan often thinks how to become like Zitao. A doctor who gets to roam around the dorm everytime, know about what he's been giving Luhan and the other 'patients', most of all, Dr. Huang gets to live his life, Luhan thinks. And for the fourteen hours Luhan has been awake every single day, everything that Zitao does and Zitao has are the things Luhan thinks about. Curiosity eats his body and mind like a starving monster, its fangs biting and crushing his patience into knowing more, more, more. Craving for it like a drug, drug, drug. He wants to get intoxicated by it like an alcohol, and he's not going to stop himself until he's drunk from the facts.
The door opens and Luhan sits straight, like a good dog patiently waiting for his master. His smile is already propped on his face only to fall back when a different face welcomes him. "Hello. My name's Kim Junmyeon. I'll be looking after you from now on."
Something uncomfortable falls heavily on Luhan's stomach. "Where's Dr. Huang?" He asks, voice shaking.
"Sorry, Dr. Huang has gone off to the Island. And I'll be helping you to go there as soon as possible." The new doctor gives him a friendly smile. The clone can't help but to smile back.
He should be happy for the Doctor because his misery has finally ended. He should be happy because Zitao can see the skies again. He should be happy for him because he has finally escaped the loneliness in this place. "When I go to the Island, can I still find Dr. Huang there?"
"The Island's a big place," Kim Junmyeon pauses as he hands two pieces of pills on Luhan's hand. Why is he giving me so much? before Luhan can ask him, the doctor continues, "but I'm sure you can find Dr. Huang there."
Something weird settles in Luhan's stomach. There's something in this new doctor's smile that doesn't feel real. Something about his words that doesn't quite fit in the world that he has created along with Zitao. There's something about him that is so.... deceiving.
"Hello." Zitao greets the new doctor writing furiously on his record book. "I'm here to collect my stuff. I'm transferring them up."
The doctor stops writing and looks up, his cheeks flushes but he immediately greets Zitao back. "Oh, hi! Hi! Please take a seat!" A guy with a huge set of eyes greets him warmly, offering him the seat that was formerly Yixing's. With the thought of his co-worker, Zitao's chest tightens, nostalgia kicking him straight up where it hurts.
"I see you're doing well." He says as soon as he sits down.
"I'm still studying and groping up on anything to be able to work well. But, thanks!" The doctor cheerfully says and extends out his arm. "The name's Do Kyungsoo!"
"Nice to meet you! I'm Huang Zitao. And I'm in the neurosurgical department now." Zitao takes his hand, feeling a shaky and sweating hand grip his. "If you need help with stuff, you can always ring me there."
"I guess there's only one thing I need help with." Kyungsoo smiles.
"I don't think I can help you with that." Zitao's grin falls. "Because that's the reason why I quit the job in the first place." His laugh that comes after seems so... deceiving.
Kyungsoo laughs along with him. "Too bad you didn't meet Junmyeon-the current head, he's just out doing the rounds."
"Hmmm... The new head's excited, huh?" He says cocking his head to the right. "It's a little too early, I usually start my rounds at the last hour of the day."
"Junmyeon is a little excited over seeing the clones. And possibly being friends with them."
"Well, I've never had any friends in the do-" Zitao pauses when a voice fills his mind.
'You know what?'
'Hmm?'
'You're beautiful.'
"The head did say they can be a little hard to talk to. I anticipate that in the future."
"S-some..." he trails off. What is its portmanteau again? 0410? 0412? Zitao swears he easily forgets, but he did have a little fun in the dorms, didn't he? "Some talk a lot. It won't be as boring as you think it is."
"I see, anyway, your boxes are in the storage room. Junmyeon helped me move them a while ago. Come on, let me help you get them."
PART 1 | PART 2