One step closer
Title: One step closer
Pairing: Sehun/Kai; Kai/Kyungsoo
Rating: PG
Warnings: suicide, character death
Summary: Jongin will love him today. He will go home and bring Sehun into his arms and kiss him with promises. Jongin will fall in love with him today.
A/N: Sequel to Vendue
He's sitting in a couch, his legs propped between one another. It's cold. The heater is working but it's raining outside and the sky is crying. It's cold. The lights are off and the only source of illumination is the dim light from the television. It's cold. His coffee has turned into a cold marsh of brown now, yet he has no intention of consuming everything. It's cold. He just wants to feel warmer, even temporarily so.
It's cold.
And Jongin's not home. Not yet.
Sehun's waiting for him. Because this is what he is suppose to do. He is waiting for him. Because he will welcome Jongin back with a hug and Jongin would hug him back and they would share a kiss. He is waiting for him. He is waiting for Jongin to love him once again.
And he never gave up. He never would have the heart to. Because Jongin will come home and Jongin will love him back and Jongin would kiss him. Jongin would promise him a bright future, both of them together. Forever. And Sehun knows, Sehun believes that today, or tonight rather, Jongin will fall in love with him.
Jongin will fall in love with him. He will go home and bring Sehun into his arms and kiss him with promises. Jongin will fall in love with him today. Not tomorrow, no other day, but today, Sehun will make Jongin fall for him. All over again.
The night is young and he still has plenty of time to wait. Plenty of time to extend his patience. Plenty of time to deceive himself into this pit of illusion he has dug himself to fall in. Yet he doesn't know how deep it is, because he is afraid of knowing if it would hurt or not. Though the former is likely prospective.
He's afraid. He's afraid of failing and he's afraid of Jongin not giving back his feelings. He's afraid because he's a coward. He has been trained to maintain an adamant façade, a skill he has mastered so well that he guided only that and has completely forgotten anything else. He has constructed it very carefully that he did not bother caring about anything else. Now his inside is vulnerable, and the only thing protecting it is his mask that he has carefully built.
But it's slowly deteriorating now. Slowly. Painfully. It is being wrecked and Sehun cannot do anything because he's vulnerable in the inside and he was never good at this. He was never a pro at anything that concerns his feelings. He's stupid.
He's a coward.
He's human.
He picks up the cup of coffee from the table before him. He sips. Bitterness, sweetness and agony come raising through his tongue. The coldness is horrible. It's horrible. It's terrifying. It's dreadful and Sehun hates it.
But Sehun will wait. Because today, he will make Jongin fall in love with him. Once again. All over again. Again and again and again and he won't give up. Because he will certainly make Jongin fall for him. Once again. All over again. Again and again and again. He won't give up. He will make Jongin love him back, Once again. All over again. Again and again and again. He won't give up. Jongin will love him. Once again. All over again. Again and again and again. He won't-
The door comes flying open and he sits up faster than the speed of light. Because Jongin is finally home. Jongin is home and he will make Jongin love him again. Once again. All over again. And this time, he certainly won't fail. He won't-
"Sehun, open the guest room. Now."
Sehun stands still. Time stands still. Yet the clock is still ticking. His entire world is spinning.
"What is that Who is he?" he manages to mutter between the painful lump in his throat that he cannot dare swallow down.
"I bought him." says Jongin, in his arms is an unconcious boy, skin as white as snow, face as serene as the clouds aloft in the sky and lips as red as blood. It's disgusting.
No way.
"From an auction?" his throat is going dry.
Jongin nods. And tilts his head towards the door of the guest room just beside the staircase.
He's a fool because he walks and opens the door. He lets Jongin carry the boy inside the room. He lets Jongin lie the boy on the bed. He lets Jongin borrow his clothes for this boy to wear. Because the boy is naked and it's cold and maybe the heater does work well but it's still cold and petrifying.
Sehun is standing by the door, watching as Jongin caress the young boy who's unconsciously lying in the bed. It's painful. It's painful. It's painful watching Jongin hold the boy. It's painful. It's painful. It's painful not being able to get fondled by him. It's painful. It's painful. It's painful and it hurts so bad Sehun thinks he cannot breathe any longer.
He's dying.
"How much?" he asks. His mouth quivering a bit, because he's afraid Jongin might see. Jongin might not love him.
"What?"
"How much is he worth? That you decided to throw me away and buy someone so vulnerable so beautiful so so naive because this is painful for me. This is hurting me this is choking me to death." Jongin bought him. From an auction as well. He remember the day Jongin's father bought him. Jongin never liked him. Jongin never talked to him.
But once. There came a night where Jongin loved him. He made Sehun feel that he's worth to keep. He is worth to live. Because once, he loved Sehun. Once, they became one.
Once, he felt loved.
"Seven hundred."
"Dollars?"
"Thousand dollars."
He's expensive. He's worth a luxury. He's worth everything Sehun certainly isn't.
"Oh."
There's nothing else he can say.
"I found him, Sehun. I finally found Kyungsoo." Jongin says, touching the cheeks of the boy as Sehun watch him. As Sehun crumples down mentally in despair.
Now that you found him you're going to leave me you're going to throw me away you're going to leave me. Sehun doesn't look up. He keeps his eyes trailing down the ugly carpet. It's crimson. The color of blood. The color he abhors the most.
"Are you going to leave me?" He whispers, although not weak enough for Jongin not to decipher.
Are you going to leave me? Are you going to leave me? Are you going to leave me? Are you going to leave me? Are you going to leave me? Are you going to leave me? Are you going to leave me? Are you going to leave me? Are you ever going to love me?
"I won't." Jongin says. Jongin lies. Jongin closes his eyes. Jongin swallows. Jongin looks at him.
And Sehun thaws. Sehun melts. Sehun dies. Sehun wants to cry.
"You're a bad liar, Kim Jongin." Sehun, on the other side, is so good when it comes to hiding his true feelings. If he can exchange his façade to luxury he could buy as many Kyungsoo as he wants. But he only wants Jongin. He only needs Jongin. He needs nothing but him.
He sees Jongin as he clenches his fist, he sees him look down. He watches him as he tries to construct a lie.
"I-I finally found Kyungsoo, Sehun. He's here and I-"
"You can finally get rid of me."
Jongin shakes his head. "That's not true."
"Then what is? The fact that you'll never love me?"
"What are you saying, Sehun?"
"I thought you'll love me today..." he gazes away, walks away. Maybe today is not the day, not the right time. Maybe that time won't come. Maybe he certainly won't ever be loved.
He doesn't know whether Kim Jongin followed him.
But he goes away. Away where he cannot see the boy. Away where it's warm and it's peculiar that he now finds solace in the coldness of the night.
His thoughts are consumed by wanderlust. It's not in reality as he steps in a dark corner of the room. It's far, at the moon when his hand feels a cold metal. And it's comforting. It's cold against his skin. His thoughts are travelling back to the face of the sleeping Kyungsoo. He's peaceful. So serene. It's very odd. Because he's Sehun and he's far from Kyungsoo. He's far from peaceful. Far from free.
It's cold.
The gun is cold against his skull.
It's cold.
The night is an ice cream. It's very cold and it slowly thaws.
It's cold.
He freezes for a second before his body falls on the ground. He doesn't hear any loud bang. Because it's cold. And it's making him deaf.
It's cold.
And death, Sehun is sure, will warm him up.
Even temporarily so.
i'm having infinite feels i'm sorry
Pairing: Sehun/Kai; Kai/Kyungsoo
Rating: PG
Warnings: suicide, character death
Summary: Jongin will love him today. He will go home and bring Sehun into his arms and kiss him with promises. Jongin will fall in love with him today.
A/N: Sequel to Vendue
He's sitting in a couch, his legs propped between one another. It's cold. The heater is working but it's raining outside and the sky is crying. It's cold. The lights are off and the only source of illumination is the dim light from the television. It's cold. His coffee has turned into a cold marsh of brown now, yet he has no intention of consuming everything. It's cold. He just wants to feel warmer, even temporarily so.
It's cold.
And Jongin's not home. Not yet.
Sehun's waiting for him. Because this is what he is suppose to do. He is waiting for him. Because he will welcome Jongin back with a hug and Jongin would hug him back and they would share a kiss. He is waiting for him. He is waiting for Jongin to love him once again.
And he never gave up. He never would have the heart to. Because Jongin will come home and Jongin will love him back and Jongin would kiss him. Jongin would promise him a bright future, both of them together. Forever. And Sehun knows, Sehun believes that today, or tonight rather, Jongin will fall in love with him.
Jongin will fall in love with him. He will go home and bring Sehun into his arms and kiss him with promises. Jongin will fall in love with him today. Not tomorrow, no other day, but today, Sehun will make Jongin fall for him. All over again.
The night is young and he still has plenty of time to wait. Plenty of time to extend his patience. Plenty of time to deceive himself into this pit of illusion he has dug himself to fall in. Yet he doesn't know how deep it is, because he is afraid of knowing if it would hurt or not. Though the former is likely prospective.
He's afraid. He's afraid of failing and he's afraid of Jongin not giving back his feelings. He's afraid because he's a coward. He has been trained to maintain an adamant façade, a skill he has mastered so well that he guided only that and has completely forgotten anything else. He has constructed it very carefully that he did not bother caring about anything else. Now his inside is vulnerable, and the only thing protecting it is his mask that he has carefully built.
But it's slowly deteriorating now. Slowly. Painfully. It is being wrecked and Sehun cannot do anything because he's vulnerable in the inside and he was never good at this. He was never a pro at anything that concerns his feelings. He's stupid.
He's a coward.
He's human.
He picks up the cup of coffee from the table before him. He sips. Bitterness, sweetness and agony come raising through his tongue. The coldness is horrible. It's horrible. It's terrifying. It's dreadful and Sehun hates it.
But Sehun will wait. Because today, he will make Jongin fall in love with him. Once again. All over again. Again and again and again and he won't give up. Because he will certainly make Jongin fall for him. Once again. All over again. Again and again and again. He won't give up. He will make Jongin love him back, Once again. All over again. Again and again and again. He won't give up. Jongin will love him. Once again. All over again. Again and again and again. He won't-
The door comes flying open and he sits up faster than the speed of light. Because Jongin is finally home. Jongin is home and he will make Jongin love him again. Once again. All over again. And this time, he certainly won't fail. He won't-
"Sehun, open the guest room. Now."
Sehun stands still. Time stands still. Yet the clock is still ticking. His entire world is spinning.
"What is that Who is he?" he manages to mutter between the painful lump in his throat that he cannot dare swallow down.
"I bought him." says Jongin, in his arms is an unconcious boy, skin as white as snow, face as serene as the clouds aloft in the sky and lips as red as blood. It's disgusting.
No way.
"From an auction?" his throat is going dry.
Jongin nods. And tilts his head towards the door of the guest room just beside the staircase.
He's a fool because he walks and opens the door. He lets Jongin carry the boy inside the room. He lets Jongin lie the boy on the bed. He lets Jongin borrow his clothes for this boy to wear. Because the boy is naked and it's cold and maybe the heater does work well but it's still cold and petrifying.
Sehun is standing by the door, watching as Jongin caress the young boy who's unconsciously lying in the bed. It's painful. It's painful. It's painful watching Jongin hold the boy. It's painful. It's painful. It's painful not being able to get fondled by him. It's painful. It's painful. It's painful and it hurts so bad Sehun thinks he cannot breathe any longer.
He's dying.
"How much?" he asks. His mouth quivering a bit, because he's afraid Jongin might see. Jongin might not love him.
"What?"
"How much is he worth? That you decided to throw me away and buy someone so vulnerable so beautiful so so naive because this is painful for me. This is hurting me this is choking me to death." Jongin bought him. From an auction as well. He remember the day Jongin's father bought him. Jongin never liked him. Jongin never talked to him.
But once. There came a night where Jongin loved him. He made Sehun feel that he's worth to keep. He is worth to live. Because once, he loved Sehun. Once, they became one.
Once, he felt loved.
"Seven hundred."
"Dollars?"
"Thousand dollars."
He's expensive. He's worth a luxury. He's worth everything Sehun certainly isn't.
"Oh."
There's nothing else he can say.
"I found him, Sehun. I finally found Kyungsoo." Jongin says, touching the cheeks of the boy as Sehun watch him. As Sehun crumples down mentally in despair.
Now that you found him you're going to leave me you're going to throw me away you're going to leave me. Sehun doesn't look up. He keeps his eyes trailing down the ugly carpet. It's crimson. The color of blood. The color he abhors the most.
"Are you going to leave me?" He whispers, although not weak enough for Jongin not to decipher.
Are you going to leave me? Are you going to leave me? Are you going to leave me? Are you going to leave me? Are you going to leave me? Are you going to leave me? Are you going to leave me? Are you going to leave me? Are you ever going to love me?
"I won't." Jongin says. Jongin lies. Jongin closes his eyes. Jongin swallows. Jongin looks at him.
And Sehun thaws. Sehun melts. Sehun dies. Sehun wants to cry.
"You're a bad liar, Kim Jongin." Sehun, on the other side, is so good when it comes to hiding his true feelings. If he can exchange his façade to luxury he could buy as many Kyungsoo as he wants. But he only wants Jongin. He only needs Jongin. He needs nothing but him.
He sees Jongin as he clenches his fist, he sees him look down. He watches him as he tries to construct a lie.
"I-I finally found Kyungsoo, Sehun. He's here and I-"
"You can finally get rid of me."
Jongin shakes his head. "That's not true."
"Then what is? The fact that you'll never love me?"
"What are you saying, Sehun?"
"I thought you'll love me today..." he gazes away, walks away. Maybe today is not the day, not the right time. Maybe that time won't come. Maybe he certainly won't ever be loved.
He doesn't know whether Kim Jongin followed him.
But he goes away. Away where he cannot see the boy. Away where it's warm and it's peculiar that he now finds solace in the coldness of the night.
His thoughts are consumed by wanderlust. It's not in reality as he steps in a dark corner of the room. It's far, at the moon when his hand feels a cold metal. And it's comforting. It's cold against his skin. His thoughts are travelling back to the face of the sleeping Kyungsoo. He's peaceful. So serene. It's very odd. Because he's Sehun and he's far from Kyungsoo. He's far from peaceful. Far from free.
It's cold.
The gun is cold against his skull.
It's cold.
The night is an ice cream. It's very cold and it slowly thaws.
It's cold.
He freezes for a second before his body falls on the ground. He doesn't hear any loud bang. Because it's cold. And it's making him deaf.
It's cold.
And death, Sehun is sure, will warm him up.
Even temporarily so.
i'm having infinite feels i'm sorry