(no subject)
was clearing up disk space for homin's come back... and i found this which i dun remember writing. haha~ yes, i must collate all my writings somewhere!
The first sharp pain jabbed in my abdomen. I dismissed it only to have the pain recurring. Then, I took the handphone which I placed on the bedside table and dialed the hospital. I could feel the bedsheets get wet with my blood. With great difficulty, I whimpered out my address and was even sane enough to tell them that no one was home so they had to pick the lock. Then, I couldn’t remember anything else.
When I woke up, I could see a fuzzy picture of my dad, standing in the corner of the room. My mum was holding onto my hand and sobbing as she sat beside my bed.
“Where am I?” I croaked out due to my dry throat.
“Jaejoongie… Oh my Jaejoongie!!!” My mum sobbed harder as her grip got tighter.
“Who the hell got you pregnant?!” My dad bellowed. His face turning redder.
Then I realized. I am in the hospital. And it dawned on me. Oh my god!!! My baby!!!
Just then, Yunho came in. He cajoled my parents out, with a reluctant mum still gripping at my hand.
When everyone is cleared, he helped me sit up and spoke gently. “Boo, why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you tell me that you were pregnant?”
I noticed the use of past tense. Were? Isn’t my baby still in me? The baby that Yunho and I have?
“Boo…” Was that why he was looking so hurt? I didn’t tell him about the baby? It must be. It wouldn’t be possible I lost OUR baby right?
“I… I didn’t know.” I decided to lie.
“Here, you can touch it.” I reached out for his hand.
“Damn it, Boo!!! Damn it!!! Don’t lie!!! The doctor told me you came for a checkup two weeks ago!!!” He flew into a rage and I was stunned. Why is he so angry?
“Boo, the baby is gone. It is gone even before I knew about it. Damn it!!!” He hurled the flowers beside the bed across the room.
I had gone pale. My blood isn’t flowing anywhere I knew it. How could my baby die? I was ok yesterday. It was ok yesterday. Everything was ok yesterday. I had planned to tell Yunho about it this weekend on our anniversary. How? How could this happen?!
“Boo,” he stared at my soulless eyes, “we can have another one. It’s ok.” He sat on the side of the bed and hugged me. But I could not feel any warmth from him. Nor from anything else.
“It’s ok. It’s ok. We can have a dozen babies next time.” He rubbed away a tear that I didn’t know I have.
“What did you eat yesterday?” He asked out of the blue.
“Same… hic… same as you… hic… all did…” I was already crying my eyes out.
I cannot believe I had lost our baby. I did absolutely nothing wrong. Why? Why our baby?! Was it because our relationship is wrong? Was it because we did wrong to my sister? But why take it out on my baby? It was me. It was us. I would do anything to get our baby back.
“The doctor said…” He was interrupted by a knock on the door. And my eighth sister came in. The Mrs Jung, that we had did wrong to.
“Hi Joongie, how are you feeling now?” She sounded cheerful and I thought she was only trying to cheer me up.
“Hi darling~” She said with this cutesy tone and placed a hand on Yunho’s shoulder. And it burns. It’s MY Yunho’s shoulder. Or maybe he wasn’t mine to start with. He’s hers now.
Yunho shrugged her hand off, and I heaved a sigh of relief. At least he’s still with me right? Even if I had lost our baby, the one I didn’t get to tell him about.
While I was busy reminiscing my baby, I heard a loud slap. My sister had a red palm print on her face.
“Yes, it was me!!! I drugged Jaejoong!!! How could you marry me and fuck Jaejoong at the same time? I’m not going to let this wretched kid appear in this world. It’s better that the two of you stop seeing each other and you, Jung Yunho come back to me!!!”
“How could you do this to an innocent baby?! I had never loved you, and will never love you!!! I married you because it’s the only way I can be with Jaejae. You are the third party!!! We started even before I met you!!!” He held on tightly to my hand, to give me support or to curb his anger?
“I’m pregnant, Joongie. I’m pregnant with Yunho’s child. The only legitimate child he has. That’s why yours have to go.” My fingers slipped out of his hands.
No!!! I don’t believe this. Even Yunho betrayed me? He told me he had not touched her and wouldn’t. How could he lie to me? Did he have a part in drugging me? Cause he wanted only my sister’s kid and not mine?
“Jaejae. Don’t listen to her! I swear I had never touched her…”
“Can you believe him? We had been married for half a year. How could he not have touched me? Of course, he would say that in front of you. I bet he has been saying that to you all the time!!!”
I could feel the emptiness in my abdomen clearly. My child had left. Is Yunho going to leave too? Or had he left and I thought he was around? Why Yunho, why? Why did you abandon me too? My child had made space for you and your family. I should too, right?
“Get out.” I tried to say calmly as Yunho was lifting his hand again, but I know my voice is trembling.
“Jae…”
“Get out,” this time louder. But could they really hear me? Hear the pain I am currently suffering in? Hear the longing to have my baby and my Yunho back? Hear the hollow left behind in me where my baby is supposed to be?
“Get out.” He demanded to her.
“I meant the both of you. Get out of this ward!!! Get out of my life!!!” I screamed, with all the oxygen in my lungs and all the remaining energy that I have after this ordeal.
“Jaejae, I’ll be outside ok? You calm down. I’ll come back later.” And he flung her out of the door.
“I love you.” He whispered but I could catch it.
‘Don’t.’ My heart said as I let the emptiness inside me eat me up, into nothingness.