Ambition has given way to desperation, and I lost the fight from my eyes.
Gather 'round the ol' computer boys and girls, I'm going to tell you a tale--a long, but funny tale.
It all started one Thursday night. I arrived at the Illinois Theatre at 8:30 to change the marquee. I was informed that they were going to show Kill Bill: Vol. 2 early in order to accommodate young Eric's curfew. It was too late to gather the crowd that wanted to go so I called a bunch of people and left a bunch of apologetic voicemails. The movie can be described in one word: anticlimactic. It was all right. It definitely did not inspire me to go see it four more times in the theatre like its predecessor did. However, I think I probably will see it again to give it a second chance.
After the movie, I was mad or depressed or something--I forget which one--so I took Autumn up on her offer to go out to the bar with her. We were originally going to go to the Pace, but decided on going to the Dog Pound instead so as to avoid the half-hour lines. I had never been to the Dog Pound before. It is one of the most white trashiest places I have ever vacated. And not only that, but there was some sort of party going on there for the AGR(iculture) fraternity. I walked in surrounded by the sounds of country karaoke and the sight of those square dancing to it.
The AGR boys were kind of enough to put my drinks on their tab. I later gave those drinks back to them, but I'm getting ahead of myself. One in particular was very interested in me, so of course that he means he was old and dirty looking. I sat back down with Amber and Autumn who were bickering over what song to sing for karaoke. They decided on some country song I had never heard. I watched them their performance and laughed. It was very funny. I decided that I wanted to sing. I picked out "Brick" by Ben Folds Five--it was their only song in the book--but by the time I was drunk enough to be courageous, it was already time for the last song and last call.
In one of the more cinematic scenarios of the night, I sat at the bar nursing my drink while Amber and Autumn grinded each other to an upbeat country song. A boy came up to me and offered me a dollar to talk to the old, dirty man who had fallen for me. I politely told him to fuck off. Amber and Autumn came back, and Amber tried to persuade us to go to the AGR house with her to meet her boyfriend. I said I wouldn't know anyone there so I didn't want to go. Amber told me I met half of them tonight. I said something along the lines of, "well, if that's half of them, I can correctly assume that the whole house is white trash then," but it was funnier and loud. Amber got embarrassed while Autumn laughed and applauded my drunken honesty. Finally, Amber persuaded us to go by telling us we'd only have to be there for five minutes. Unfortunately, it took the two five minutes to persuade me to leave my drink, even though the bartenders were kicking everyone out.
On the way out, the old, dirty man grabbed my arm and said, "hey baby, I don't care if you have a boyfriend--" "She doesn't have a boyfriend, she has a girlfriend," Autumn said, slipping an arm around my shoulder. I responded, "That's right. I'm a lesbian. We're lesbians." The old, dirty man said, "even better. Can I videotape you two?" We walked away laughing in disgust.
I stumbled to Amber's car guffawing at everything anyone said. I tend to be quite an amicable drunk to my friends, and yet a very rude and mean drunk to those I don't like or don't know. We got to the AGR house and made our way through the basement. I noticed that of the two televisions on that I saw, both were on stations playing something about John Deere tractors. "I wonder if that's the only station they get," I quipped to Autumn. She laughed. We knocked on Amber's pseudo-boyfriend's door. When she opened it, there he was... grinding on another girl. Amber got pissed and we followed her upstairs. Unfortunately, I was too drunk to grasp the situation. The guy ran after Amber and I asked her if that was her boyfriend. She glared at me, and I was like, "umm, I mean your boyfriend... your friend that is a boy?" Amber got mad. Autumn pulled me aside.
We went into the AGR's meeting room or something. It was a lavishly decorated room with a huge pine table in the center. I started to talk about the things that were bothering me, when I remembered that I had been talking about it all night. I told her to tell me about her problems. She started in on them when I started feeling a little sick. She asked me if I was okay. I said I was, and to continue. She did, but a few minutes later, the feeling came back. She asked me if I was going to throw up and I nodded. We got up to go to the bathroom, but it was too late. I threw up all over the plush carpeting. We ran to the bathroom where I washed up. Chaim called and Autumn told him. Apparently, he wants to give me a big hug now. Everyone else who knows thinks I'm the coolest thing since sliced bread. I guess no one likes the AGR frat.
Autumn drove me home after spending a little shy of an hour at the AGR house. Apparently, I had my head out the window the whole time, saying, "I am sooo drunk." I don't remember that. I somehow managed to make it to my room with no problems. I got online and decided it was a good idea to talk to someone via AIM. It was not. I didn't remember the conversation when I woke up, but luckily enough, I didn't close the window and was able to read it then, and cringe I did. Anyway, backing up to when the conversation actually took place... I started throwing up again in the trash can. The person I was talking to went to bed, so I followed suit and passed out with the trash can in my lap, my head resting upon it. I woke up a half hour later with a huge indentation on my forehead. I stood up, but got sick. The room was moving faster than a Graviton. Awesome analogy. I fell on my bed and passed out for like four hours. When I woke up, all my lights were on, my shoes were on, and all my clothes were on. I got ready for bed and woke up refreshed.
And by refreshed, I mean I woke up with a brick in my stomach and legs that weighed two hundred pounds each. I made it to work late, unkempt, and with a bag of Hardees in my hand (someone told me greasy food was good for hangovers). It was then that I met the new boss, Amy. What an awesome first impression that was. I couldn't help but stare at her awful teeth. Doug, the regional manager, was there also. Eric showed up late, as well. We had to actually work most of the day. Finally, Amy and Doug went to the back, and Eric and I fought with words and Windexed paper towels. It was fun. I kept clutching my stomach, so Eric told everyone I was pregnant. Craig told me I had to stay late because he doesn't know how to schedule people. Autumn and Sam came in as reinforcement. Autumn retold the tale of last night as a fairy tale and it was so funny I doubled over laughing.
So in summary, even though I was only a drink or two away from blood alcohol poisoning, I had a fairly enjoyable night as a lush. It made for a good story. Although, I think I enjoy the verbal version better. My pantomimes earlier in the day when telling Eric of the night were priceless.
It all started one Thursday night. I arrived at the Illinois Theatre at 8:30 to change the marquee. I was informed that they were going to show Kill Bill: Vol. 2 early in order to accommodate young Eric's curfew. It was too late to gather the crowd that wanted to go so I called a bunch of people and left a bunch of apologetic voicemails. The movie can be described in one word: anticlimactic. It was all right. It definitely did not inspire me to go see it four more times in the theatre like its predecessor did. However, I think I probably will see it again to give it a second chance.
After the movie, I was mad or depressed or something--I forget which one--so I took Autumn up on her offer to go out to the bar with her. We were originally going to go to the Pace, but decided on going to the Dog Pound instead so as to avoid the half-hour lines. I had never been to the Dog Pound before. It is one of the most white trashiest places I have ever vacated. And not only that, but there was some sort of party going on there for the AGR(iculture) fraternity. I walked in surrounded by the sounds of country karaoke and the sight of those square dancing to it.
The AGR boys were kind of enough to put my drinks on their tab. I later gave those drinks back to them, but I'm getting ahead of myself. One in particular was very interested in me, so of course that he means he was old and dirty looking. I sat back down with Amber and Autumn who were bickering over what song to sing for karaoke. They decided on some country song I had never heard. I watched them their performance and laughed. It was very funny. I decided that I wanted to sing. I picked out "Brick" by Ben Folds Five--it was their only song in the book--but by the time I was drunk enough to be courageous, it was already time for the last song and last call.
In one of the more cinematic scenarios of the night, I sat at the bar nursing my drink while Amber and Autumn grinded each other to an upbeat country song. A boy came up to me and offered me a dollar to talk to the old, dirty man who had fallen for me. I politely told him to fuck off. Amber and Autumn came back, and Amber tried to persuade us to go to the AGR house with her to meet her boyfriend. I said I wouldn't know anyone there so I didn't want to go. Amber told me I met half of them tonight. I said something along the lines of, "well, if that's half of them, I can correctly assume that the whole house is white trash then," but it was funnier and loud. Amber got embarrassed while Autumn laughed and applauded my drunken honesty. Finally, Amber persuaded us to go by telling us we'd only have to be there for five minutes. Unfortunately, it took the two five minutes to persuade me to leave my drink, even though the bartenders were kicking everyone out.
On the way out, the old, dirty man grabbed my arm and said, "hey baby, I don't care if you have a boyfriend--" "She doesn't have a boyfriend, she has a girlfriend," Autumn said, slipping an arm around my shoulder. I responded, "That's right. I'm a lesbian. We're lesbians." The old, dirty man said, "even better. Can I videotape you two?" We walked away laughing in disgust.
I stumbled to Amber's car guffawing at everything anyone said. I tend to be quite an amicable drunk to my friends, and yet a very rude and mean drunk to those I don't like or don't know. We got to the AGR house and made our way through the basement. I noticed that of the two televisions on that I saw, both were on stations playing something about John Deere tractors. "I wonder if that's the only station they get," I quipped to Autumn. She laughed. We knocked on Amber's pseudo-boyfriend's door. When she opened it, there he was... grinding on another girl. Amber got pissed and we followed her upstairs. Unfortunately, I was too drunk to grasp the situation. The guy ran after Amber and I asked her if that was her boyfriend. She glared at me, and I was like, "umm, I mean your boyfriend... your friend that is a boy?" Amber got mad. Autumn pulled me aside.
We went into the AGR's meeting room or something. It was a lavishly decorated room with a huge pine table in the center. I started to talk about the things that were bothering me, when I remembered that I had been talking about it all night. I told her to tell me about her problems. She started in on them when I started feeling a little sick. She asked me if I was okay. I said I was, and to continue. She did, but a few minutes later, the feeling came back. She asked me if I was going to throw up and I nodded. We got up to go to the bathroom, but it was too late. I threw up all over the plush carpeting. We ran to the bathroom where I washed up. Chaim called and Autumn told him. Apparently, he wants to give me a big hug now. Everyone else who knows thinks I'm the coolest thing since sliced bread. I guess no one likes the AGR frat.
Autumn drove me home after spending a little shy of an hour at the AGR house. Apparently, I had my head out the window the whole time, saying, "I am sooo drunk." I don't remember that. I somehow managed to make it to my room with no problems. I got online and decided it was a good idea to talk to someone via AIM. It was not. I didn't remember the conversation when I woke up, but luckily enough, I didn't close the window and was able to read it then, and cringe I did. Anyway, backing up to when the conversation actually took place... I started throwing up again in the trash can. The person I was talking to went to bed, so I followed suit and passed out with the trash can in my lap, my head resting upon it. I woke up a half hour later with a huge indentation on my forehead. I stood up, but got sick. The room was moving faster than a Graviton. Awesome analogy. I fell on my bed and passed out for like four hours. When I woke up, all my lights were on, my shoes were on, and all my clothes were on. I got ready for bed and woke up refreshed.
And by refreshed, I mean I woke up with a brick in my stomach and legs that weighed two hundred pounds each. I made it to work late, unkempt, and with a bag of Hardees in my hand (someone told me greasy food was good for hangovers). It was then that I met the new boss, Amy. What an awesome first impression that was. I couldn't help but stare at her awful teeth. Doug, the regional manager, was there also. Eric showed up late, as well. We had to actually work most of the day. Finally, Amy and Doug went to the back, and Eric and I fought with words and Windexed paper towels. It was fun. I kept clutching my stomach, so Eric told everyone I was pregnant. Craig told me I had to stay late because he doesn't know how to schedule people. Autumn and Sam came in as reinforcement. Autumn retold the tale of last night as a fairy tale and it was so funny I doubled over laughing.
So in summary, even though I was only a drink or two away from blood alcohol poisoning, I had a fairly enjoyable night as a lush. It made for a good story. Although, I think I enjoy the verbal version better. My pantomimes earlier in the day when telling Eric of the night were priceless.