Um, it is Wednesday, isn't it?
A lot has happened since I last posted. I started a few times, but just couldn't bring myself to sit there and write it out.
My weekend at home was decent. I'm so desperate for human contact that even if it means going to Ribfest with my dad and his new girlfriend and my brother, who has this deep adenoidal honk of a voice, and a tendency to have these dumb, overblown opinions. It's weird...Robby actually has the kind of social life I'd like to have - several decent friends, good romantic prospects - but he always comes across as this phony dork. Maybe it's just because he's my brother, maybe it's just that dumb voice...even his attempts at humor are pretty stupid. Then again, maybe I shouldn't be too jealous of his friends...the two I met were marginally friendly and watched "Family Guy" with enthusiasm that equalled my brother's as I sat stonefaced at every tired pop culture reference and sight gag involving a fat man in his underwear. Jesus...it's like an animated version of one of those awful "racy" sitcoms they showed on Fox in the late '80s, back before they had their own news show and their biggest hit was their afternoon cartoon block (DuckTales!). It's so odd to look back at scorn the attitudes of the slightly younger generation. How "mid-twenties," I found myself scoffing, yet as I saw that my brother was living a better life than I was and probably always had.
It's tough to be nostalgic and not have a lot of good memories. It's a bit pathetic that the best memories of your life can be watching "The Goonies" on video, back when renting movies was still a big deal and VCRs not all that common. "The good old days weren't always that good, and tomorrow's not as bad as it seems", Billy Joel sings, and it's true, I guess. To pine for a life when I was younger is to ignore how I truly felt during that time period. Who knows...maybe if I were me now back then, I'd make better choices and behave differently. Then again, I keep making the same mistakes over and over.
I came back from the weekend to find a note from my cousin asking if I could be out of the house by the 18th. What a kick in the ass...I'm in the midst of a temp-to-perm job (they told me to go home till the boss returns in a few weeks) that I want less and less, and now I've got to contend with this. At first, I wondered if my cousin was thinking the place was going to get trashed or she had been through and smelled pot or something (I've been pretty careful on both counts), but it sounds like she really got screwed over by a client and now needs to sell the house quick. I asked her for more time and she keeps saying she needs to do more figuring. I think I can get at least till end of month.
The worst case scenario here is that I have to schlep all my shit to Michigan and store it at my dad's, move in temporarily with my dad, and try to schedule multiple-interview days and commute to Chicago maybe once or twice a week. About that job, I don't know. Assuming they're not trying to blow me off (I'm not ruling that out), I'd have to either find a monthlong sublet or see if I can bunk at my Aunt Flo's (where my cousin is also currently living) until I find if they want me or not. It's not an impossible situation, although I'd be pretty bummed at having to go home and stay with my dad. His house is very small, the upstairs bedroom where I'd sleep is stuffy and small and the woodwork is this awful shaggy unfinished wood that makes me think of slivers. Deep slivers. The living room is crammed with too much furniture...I'm dying to re-arrange it just so he can see how much better it could look. I'd have to get a broadband card for Internet and have to deal with being around my dad quite a lot, which would be a drag since I don't have many places to go. When you don't have any friends, you're limited to seeing movies or going to the library or going shopping.
I've been holding it together nonetheless, reminding myself that if I end up moving there for a few months, it's not necessarily as degrading as it can sound. True, if I was making long-term plans to live with my single dad, who is currently starting a romantic relationship with a woman who looks like a slightly nice middle school teacher, that would be pretty bad. Hence, I spent several hours yesterday "updating" my resume and applying for jobs with new vigor, aiming specifically for the highest paid I could get without fictionalizing things too much. I'm guessing that if I'm lucky, I can get a boring but well-paid job in some finance company in the Loop...I have to face it, I'd rather get a place in the city and work in the Loop than end up in some dumb northern suburb.
After shooting out about forty resumes, I've received three or four responses, so I'm doing a phone interview this morning and a recruiter interview today. Recruiter interviews, as I may have mentioned, are a waste of time...they're there to make sure that a human being is attached to the resume and that you know enough to go there without wearing a T-shirt or sandals or something. Sometimes they make you take tests...boring, silly aptitude tests in Word, Excel, and PowerPoint. Sometimes a spelling test. Sometimes simple mathematical problems. It's mostly a waste of time, and I have to restrain myself to do it all without speeding through it. The worst is when they give you an "application" to fill out, which mostly consists of copying the contents of your resume messily into too-small columns and handing it back. Still, a few of these recruiters have gotten me viable interviews, and considering that my time to conveniently interview in Chicago on a day's notice is waning, I figure I'd better get out there as much as possible. Besides, it gets me out of the house.
Ugh...after the weekend and the past few days, I'm at my fattest ever. It was almost an achievement...I could truly say I wanted to lose a full sixty pounds without being unreasonable or anorexic about it. Food is not even a consideration right now. On the upside, I actually worked out well the other day. I was patient with myself and made myself deliberately work with lighter weights to get an idea of where my strength was. There's not that much there, and my wrists are even weaker than my arms, but I made myself work hard while finishing everything and even doing extra at times to really work my muscles to failure. Just to have that patience was pretty great, even if I was kind of buzzed when I did it. That and pumping out those resumes did make me feel good.
My weekend at home was decent. I'm so desperate for human contact that even if it means going to Ribfest with my dad and his new girlfriend and my brother, who has this deep adenoidal honk of a voice, and a tendency to have these dumb, overblown opinions. It's weird...Robby actually has the kind of social life I'd like to have - several decent friends, good romantic prospects - but he always comes across as this phony dork. Maybe it's just because he's my brother, maybe it's just that dumb voice...even his attempts at humor are pretty stupid. Then again, maybe I shouldn't be too jealous of his friends...the two I met were marginally friendly and watched "Family Guy" with enthusiasm that equalled my brother's as I sat stonefaced at every tired pop culture reference and sight gag involving a fat man in his underwear. Jesus...it's like an animated version of one of those awful "racy" sitcoms they showed on Fox in the late '80s, back before they had their own news show and their biggest hit was their afternoon cartoon block (DuckTales!). It's so odd to look back at scorn the attitudes of the slightly younger generation. How "mid-twenties," I found myself scoffing, yet as I saw that my brother was living a better life than I was and probably always had.
It's tough to be nostalgic and not have a lot of good memories. It's a bit pathetic that the best memories of your life can be watching "The Goonies" on video, back when renting movies was still a big deal and VCRs not all that common. "The good old days weren't always that good, and tomorrow's not as bad as it seems", Billy Joel sings, and it's true, I guess. To pine for a life when I was younger is to ignore how I truly felt during that time period. Who knows...maybe if I were me now back then, I'd make better choices and behave differently. Then again, I keep making the same mistakes over and over.
I came back from the weekend to find a note from my cousin asking if I could be out of the house by the 18th. What a kick in the ass...I'm in the midst of a temp-to-perm job (they told me to go home till the boss returns in a few weeks) that I want less and less, and now I've got to contend with this. At first, I wondered if my cousin was thinking the place was going to get trashed or she had been through and smelled pot or something (I've been pretty careful on both counts), but it sounds like she really got screwed over by a client and now needs to sell the house quick. I asked her for more time and she keeps saying she needs to do more figuring. I think I can get at least till end of month.
The worst case scenario here is that I have to schlep all my shit to Michigan and store it at my dad's, move in temporarily with my dad, and try to schedule multiple-interview days and commute to Chicago maybe once or twice a week. About that job, I don't know. Assuming they're not trying to blow me off (I'm not ruling that out), I'd have to either find a monthlong sublet or see if I can bunk at my Aunt Flo's (where my cousin is also currently living) until I find if they want me or not. It's not an impossible situation, although I'd be pretty bummed at having to go home and stay with my dad. His house is very small, the upstairs bedroom where I'd sleep is stuffy and small and the woodwork is this awful shaggy unfinished wood that makes me think of slivers. Deep slivers. The living room is crammed with too much furniture...I'm dying to re-arrange it just so he can see how much better it could look. I'd have to get a broadband card for Internet and have to deal with being around my dad quite a lot, which would be a drag since I don't have many places to go. When you don't have any friends, you're limited to seeing movies or going to the library or going shopping.
I've been holding it together nonetheless, reminding myself that if I end up moving there for a few months, it's not necessarily as degrading as it can sound. True, if I was making long-term plans to live with my single dad, who is currently starting a romantic relationship with a woman who looks like a slightly nice middle school teacher, that would be pretty bad. Hence, I spent several hours yesterday "updating" my resume and applying for jobs with new vigor, aiming specifically for the highest paid I could get without fictionalizing things too much. I'm guessing that if I'm lucky, I can get a boring but well-paid job in some finance company in the Loop...I have to face it, I'd rather get a place in the city and work in the Loop than end up in some dumb northern suburb.
After shooting out about forty resumes, I've received three or four responses, so I'm doing a phone interview this morning and a recruiter interview today. Recruiter interviews, as I may have mentioned, are a waste of time...they're there to make sure that a human being is attached to the resume and that you know enough to go there without wearing a T-shirt or sandals or something. Sometimes they make you take tests...boring, silly aptitude tests in Word, Excel, and PowerPoint. Sometimes a spelling test. Sometimes simple mathematical problems. It's mostly a waste of time, and I have to restrain myself to do it all without speeding through it. The worst is when they give you an "application" to fill out, which mostly consists of copying the contents of your resume messily into too-small columns and handing it back. Still, a few of these recruiters have gotten me viable interviews, and considering that my time to conveniently interview in Chicago on a day's notice is waning, I figure I'd better get out there as much as possible. Besides, it gets me out of the house.
Ugh...after the weekend and the past few days, I'm at my fattest ever. It was almost an achievement...I could truly say I wanted to lose a full sixty pounds without being unreasonable or anorexic about it. Food is not even a consideration right now. On the upside, I actually worked out well the other day. I was patient with myself and made myself deliberately work with lighter weights to get an idea of where my strength was. There's not that much there, and my wrists are even weaker than my arms, but I made myself work hard while finishing everything and even doing extra at times to really work my muscles to failure. Just to have that patience was pretty great, even if I was kind of buzzed when I did it. That and pumping out those resumes did make me feel good.