the latest
The good news is I'm not completely crazy or irrational like I thought I was. The ankle was supposed to be getting better. Last week the doc gave me permission to drive again. I drove a couple of short trips, but considering how stir crazy I've been, I wondered what was wrong with me that I didn't want to go anywhere or do anything extra on the ankle. I know I've been avoiding everyone and I apologize but I guess I didn't want to admit that I was having these totally irrational fears that my ankle wasn't ok.
I was supposed to go back to work on Monday, and have a final check with the doc today. I told him it was still aching, and there was still one point that was painful. He did another ultrasound, it has been 4 weeks and it should have showed significant healing. You can see that the top half of the ligament is trying to stretch out and grab onto the other part, but the lower half of the ligament has actually retracted and is curving down.
He was not happy, he was expecting to see a nearly complete healing by now. So, I'm scheduled for surgery on Friday the 13th. He's going to figure out if he can tie the ligament back together, or if it is so bad that he'll have graft a piece of tendon on to repair the ligament. I have a sneaking suspicion it will be the latter.
I've been thinking about it (probably way too much) and talked it over with the doc. While it is impossible for him to say definitively, I had a extremely bad sprained ankle when I was 13 or 14, and it is likely that I tore the ligament then, if only partially. The reason why the lower part of the ligament may not be cooperating in the healing process, is because it may be partially an "old" tear that didn't ever quite heal years ago, rather than a "fresh" tear, that he would have expected a much better response than what I have had.
So my "irrational" fear wasn't so irrational after all. I don't know whether that is a good thing or not. In one sense I would have rather been told that it was all in my head and that I was ok for going back to work on Monday. Now it will be another full month out of work, if not longer. But I guess having a road map of what happens next is a good thing. I feel better knowing what will happen next.
In other news, the rest of my family isn't doing all that well health wise either. My mother fainted while sitting down in Sunday School this past Sunday, they think it may be heart related. My little brother Nate was kicked in the head (no I don't have the details, on exactly *how* he was kicked in the head) and had a seizure last week at lunch.
So out of the five people in my immediate biological family, 3 of us are having medical problems at the moment, and only my father and my other brother are doing ok.
I'll try not to be a hermit this next week, and let ya'll know after I get out of surgery. I know withdrawing from life isn't a particularly healthy thing for me to do, but it seemed like all I could cope with this last couple weeks was getting out of bed and eating. And sometimes even that seemed overwhelming.
I don't think it was depression in the completely classical sense, because I've been depressed before.
The big difference is that the pain I'm having is very physically correlated, not triggered by stress or familial conflict. I got worse when I was afraid the pain was only in my head and that I'd have to get my brain straight because the foot was actually healing. But the foot hasn't healed and what my brain was telling me was correct. Knowing that has really lifted the weight I've been living under for the last two weeks.
AJ
I was supposed to go back to work on Monday, and have a final check with the doc today. I told him it was still aching, and there was still one point that was painful. He did another ultrasound, it has been 4 weeks and it should have showed significant healing. You can see that the top half of the ligament is trying to stretch out and grab onto the other part, but the lower half of the ligament has actually retracted and is curving down.
He was not happy, he was expecting to see a nearly complete healing by now. So, I'm scheduled for surgery on Friday the 13th. He's going to figure out if he can tie the ligament back together, or if it is so bad that he'll have graft a piece of tendon on to repair the ligament. I have a sneaking suspicion it will be the latter.
I've been thinking about it (probably way too much) and talked it over with the doc. While it is impossible for him to say definitively, I had a extremely bad sprained ankle when I was 13 or 14, and it is likely that I tore the ligament then, if only partially. The reason why the lower part of the ligament may not be cooperating in the healing process, is because it may be partially an "old" tear that didn't ever quite heal years ago, rather than a "fresh" tear, that he would have expected a much better response than what I have had.
So my "irrational" fear wasn't so irrational after all. I don't know whether that is a good thing or not. In one sense I would have rather been told that it was all in my head and that I was ok for going back to work on Monday. Now it will be another full month out of work, if not longer. But I guess having a road map of what happens next is a good thing. I feel better knowing what will happen next.
In other news, the rest of my family isn't doing all that well health wise either. My mother fainted while sitting down in Sunday School this past Sunday, they think it may be heart related. My little brother Nate was kicked in the head (no I don't have the details, on exactly *how* he was kicked in the head) and had a seizure last week at lunch.
So out of the five people in my immediate biological family, 3 of us are having medical problems at the moment, and only my father and my other brother are doing ok.
I'll try not to be a hermit this next week, and let ya'll know after I get out of surgery. I know withdrawing from life isn't a particularly healthy thing for me to do, but it seemed like all I could cope with this last couple weeks was getting out of bed and eating. And sometimes even that seemed overwhelming.
I don't think it was depression in the completely classical sense, because I've been depressed before.
The big difference is that the pain I'm having is very physically correlated, not triggered by stress or familial conflict. I got worse when I was afraid the pain was only in my head and that I'd have to get my brain straight because the foot was actually healing. But the foot hasn't healed and what my brain was telling me was correct. Knowing that has really lifted the weight I've been living under for the last two weeks.
AJ