Is it another night to just cry out to my journal?
It's been a while. It really has. Alot goes on in my head, but it just never seems right to put it in here. I don't know what it is, for some reason, "telling the journal" just never seems to be high on the priority list.
Life's so odd right now. It's sad, it's happy, it's slow but it's groundbreaking. It's also either 4 or 6 years away. I'm enjoying college. Really I am. I'm learning so much, working on stage every single day, and I love it. I've made some great friends. A few I hope last a while.
I have no idea what I want for my future anymore. I know it's theatre. I just don't know if it's teaching. I really like the idea of teaching, but I have other visions now. I'd never thought about it before, and it's strange that it didn't cross my mind at all, but my cousin in New York could get me a job easily once I have my theatre major, no education certification needed. However, teaching is still something I might wanna do one day, so I think I do want the certification. Who knows?
I do know that falling in love with a girl the summer before you move 4 hours apart is really gay. This is the hardest struggle I've ever been in in my life. I can't figure out whether it'd be less painful to see her more, or to not see her at all. I was home this weekend. We got to spend alot of time together, and it was awesome, but that only makes when we have to leave that much worse. This whole process of constantly reuniting and then saying goodbye again is terrible, and really hard to bear. Our lives allow such little time for eachother, and there's so many things in the way of the most beautiful thing in the world right now, and it's all just so hard. Especially to not see whenever it's gonna end, I usually live for the desired outcome you know? I know when my next step is, I know how long I have to go through something before I get to my goal, and in this, it's just the unknown. I live for 4 years from now, 5 years from now, 20 years from now, I know that'll happen, but when will it get started?? I've got no clue, and every moment I'm with her, everytime I see her, everytime I hear her, anything, it gets stronger, and all I want is for it to happen soon. Oh well.
I don't know where home is anymore. Like I said I went home this weekend to see swing choir and hang out with rachel and liz and such. It felt like where I grew up, but not necesarrily where I belong. But here doesn't feel like it's where I belong either. I don't think I belong anywhere right now. Well, I belong there, but that was the last paragraph, that's a matter of time. AGGGH. I hate all of this, I really do, but I have to go through it, it'll be sweeter in the end. ...right?
I think the only reason I do it cause it might be the only thing I can do.
Life's so odd right now. It's sad, it's happy, it's slow but it's groundbreaking. It's also either 4 or 6 years away. I'm enjoying college. Really I am. I'm learning so much, working on stage every single day, and I love it. I've made some great friends. A few I hope last a while.
I have no idea what I want for my future anymore. I know it's theatre. I just don't know if it's teaching. I really like the idea of teaching, but I have other visions now. I'd never thought about it before, and it's strange that it didn't cross my mind at all, but my cousin in New York could get me a job easily once I have my theatre major, no education certification needed. However, teaching is still something I might wanna do one day, so I think I do want the certification. Who knows?
I do know that falling in love with a girl the summer before you move 4 hours apart is really gay. This is the hardest struggle I've ever been in in my life. I can't figure out whether it'd be less painful to see her more, or to not see her at all. I was home this weekend. We got to spend alot of time together, and it was awesome, but that only makes when we have to leave that much worse. This whole process of constantly reuniting and then saying goodbye again is terrible, and really hard to bear. Our lives allow such little time for eachother, and there's so many things in the way of the most beautiful thing in the world right now, and it's all just so hard. Especially to not see whenever it's gonna end, I usually live for the desired outcome you know? I know when my next step is, I know how long I have to go through something before I get to my goal, and in this, it's just the unknown. I live for 4 years from now, 5 years from now, 20 years from now, I know that'll happen, but when will it get started?? I've got no clue, and every moment I'm with her, everytime I see her, everytime I hear her, anything, it gets stronger, and all I want is for it to happen soon. Oh well.
I don't know where home is anymore. Like I said I went home this weekend to see swing choir and hang out with rachel and liz and such. It felt like where I grew up, but not necesarrily where I belong. But here doesn't feel like it's where I belong either. I don't think I belong anywhere right now. Well, I belong there, but that was the last paragraph, that's a matter of time. AGGGH. I hate all of this, I really do, but I have to go through it, it'll be sweeter in the end. ...right?
I think the only reason I do it cause it might be the only thing I can do.