(no subject)
Scoffing Citizen-October 19th, 2006
America Reaches 300 Million- Citizens with odd numbered address ordered to commit suicide
Washington D.C.- In an effort to maintain population control, President Bush is asking for Americans cooperation in his latest proposal to curb the nearly 20 million increase of the past 15 years.
All residents with an address ending in an odd number must kill themselves by 4 p.m. Sunday, October 22nd.
Projected census reports from the U.S. Census Bureau shows that America reached the 300 million mark on October 17th. Many reasons have been cited for the population boom including illegal immigration, insufficient contraceptive use, and Britney Spears' influence in making every teenager "a dirty little whore."
Reaction to the decree has been mixed at best, but most Americans seem resigned in their fate.
"Well President Bush may have made some mistakes in the Iraq War, but I think he knows best when it comes to domestic policy. That's why I voted for him," said 42-year old Susan Cooke as she purchased .9 millimeter bullets at her local Wal-Mart.
Mass killings will be performed at all V.F.W. halls for Americans who cannot commit suicide due to religious reasons. The kill lines open at 6 a.m. Friday morning and will remain open until the deadline on Sunday.
President Bush made his announcement at a Rose Garden press conference early Wednesday morning and called upon all Americans to do their civic duty.
"This is the time that we as Americans must rise up and do what is necessary to preserve our way of life. The tyranny of insufficient fuel sources and depleting water stores shall no longer rear their ugly head at Lady Liberty," said Bush to wild applause.
Bush closed his press conference with a fond approval for all the brave Americans willing to die for the survival of others.
"This is a time of war and sacrifice, and you shall all be remembered as American heroes."
Bush then retired to the White House for lunch, located at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
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all articles written by me.
America Reaches 300 Million- Citizens with odd numbered address ordered to commit suicide
Washington D.C.- In an effort to maintain population control, President Bush is asking for Americans cooperation in his latest proposal to curb the nearly 20 million increase of the past 15 years.
All residents with an address ending in an odd number must kill themselves by 4 p.m. Sunday, October 22nd.
Projected census reports from the U.S. Census Bureau shows that America reached the 300 million mark on October 17th. Many reasons have been cited for the population boom including illegal immigration, insufficient contraceptive use, and Britney Spears' influence in making every teenager "a dirty little whore."
Reaction to the decree has been mixed at best, but most Americans seem resigned in their fate.
"Well President Bush may have made some mistakes in the Iraq War, but I think he knows best when it comes to domestic policy. That's why I voted for him," said 42-year old Susan Cooke as she purchased .9 millimeter bullets at her local Wal-Mart.
Mass killings will be performed at all V.F.W. halls for Americans who cannot commit suicide due to religious reasons. The kill lines open at 6 a.m. Friday morning and will remain open until the deadline on Sunday.
President Bush made his announcement at a Rose Garden press conference early Wednesday morning and called upon all Americans to do their civic duty.
"This is the time that we as Americans must rise up and do what is necessary to preserve our way of life. The tyranny of insufficient fuel sources and depleting water stores shall no longer rear their ugly head at Lady Liberty," said Bush to wild applause.
Bush closed his press conference with a fond approval for all the brave Americans willing to die for the survival of others.
"This is a time of war and sacrifice, and you shall all be remembered as American heroes."
Bush then retired to the White House for lunch, located at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
___________________________________________________
all articles written by me.