what is it i really want?

[banjocatfish]

truthfully i bet you know better then i. when nothing lives up to the hype. feeling feelings is all im feeling. let me break this down, its like being an Ammosaurs when all kids hear about is the "t-rex" you are a dinosaur and pretty big. but you dont live up to the giant meat grinder. and all the while in my head i am a t-rex. i just dont live up to that. sometimes i hope that everyone reads my post and no one gets the same impression from it then they discusse it with one another. "did you read that garbadge dubs posted" "garbadge i think it was so enlightening it made me angry at all those poor people in my basement!". in the end really there is little chance anyone will read this all and not just skim for words like: parents, loved one, dog, myself. fallowed by or near words like: off a bridge, with a gun, stabbed in the left ventrical, or my favorite has some migratorial bird living in an organ. and thus a change needs to be made and i know not what it has to be. at times i am bored with choices ive made. in thee end no one will throw them selves from a jaged cliff because of my death. frankly i feel like i am thee single most interesting person anyone will meet. how can i make such a boast when i think im a t-rex when really i am only 13 meters tall and my diet is questionable. what is it i really want? to be bigger? more fearsome? bright plumage?
no no no. i want to be who i am in my head. but its hard to fill my own shoes.

and im leaving it with my spelling and grammerical errors