√ thirty-five . . .
I get that my scar stands out, especially when my hair's up in the crown and you can see how big it is and that my ear's not exactly all there, either... Still, that's no reason for you all to stare and gape at me. You'd think I'd be used to this after four years, but I'm not. It still bothers me, so please, stop it. Everyone always seems to want to know how I got it, too. I hardly ever have an answer. You must think I'm some sort of clumsy firebender who burnt himself with his own fire or was born with the world's weirdest birthmark. No, it's not a birthmark. It's a burn. And I didn't burn myself. I got myself burned. It was a punishment, alright? I spoke out of turn, got challenged to an Agni Kai, then refused to fight. Funny, how reluctant I was to fight my father then that it led to him burning off half of my face and banishing me, sending me on some stupid quest for a person who probably didn't exist anymore--even though it turned out that he did. Now? I'd kill him if I saw him again. If Ozai showed up here, I'd kill him. This cuff be damned, I'd find a way. I could have. Once before. During an eclipse when we couldn't bend. I had my dao...but I stopped. Because it was Aang's destiny, what he'd been working towards and not something I was willing to do for him. But, maybe I should have. Aang's only a boy, after all. Twelve. A year younger than I was when I was burned and banished, and a year older than I was when mom left.
Great sages, I miss her. I'd give anything to see her again. She shouldn't have done that for me. I don't know if I should be angry with her or grateful. Now that I know that she's alive and that killing Grandpa Azulon to keep Ozai from killing me got her banished... I don't know. I almost wish I'd went and looked for her instead of the Avatar. Helping Aang's more important, though. I think mom would've been mad if I'd chosen her over Aang.
I wish I was a better bender. I can't bend lightning like everyone else in my family. I can redirect it, but can't bend my own. I was a late bloomer into my firebending. Azula was already learning proper forms while I was still bending pathetic sparks. Now she can waterbend. I can bend fire like the dragons, but what difference does that make compared to Avatar-like abilities? Uncle Iroh said I needed to protect Azula. Right. How am I supposed to do that when she's obviously more powerful than I'll ever be? She's the one who took down the Avatar. She's the one who conquered Ba Sing Se. I just helped. Second best, along for the ride. As always. The older, lesser child. The constant failure.
This damned truth serum. I hate magic. I hate this place. I hate that I can't lie. I consider myself to be a good person now, even though I thought I was good before and was wrong about it, but my thoughts aren't good. Not always. I get distracted and think about other things and prove that I am indeed Ozai's son when needed. My temper gets the best of me more times than I'd like. I rely on lying to hide all that. I'm not the best of people. I'm as corrupted on the inside as my face is on the outside. I'm bad at being good. Saying what I'm thinking? Isn't helping me get any better at it.
Great sages, I miss her. I'd give anything to see her again. She shouldn't have done that for me. I don't know if I should be angry with her or grateful. Now that I know that she's alive and that killing Grandpa Azulon to keep Ozai from killing me got her banished... I don't know. I almost wish I'd went and looked for her instead of the Avatar. Helping Aang's more important, though. I think mom would've been mad if I'd chosen her over Aang.
I wish I was a better bender. I can't bend lightning like everyone else in my family. I can redirect it, but can't bend my own. I was a late bloomer into my firebending. Azula was already learning proper forms while I was still bending pathetic sparks. Now she can waterbend. I can bend fire like the dragons, but what difference does that make compared to Avatar-like abilities? Uncle Iroh said I needed to protect Azula. Right. How am I supposed to do that when she's obviously more powerful than I'll ever be? She's the one who took down the Avatar. She's the one who conquered Ba Sing Se. I just helped. Second best, along for the ride. As always. The older, lesser child. The constant failure.
This damned truth serum. I hate magic. I hate this place. I hate that I can't lie. I consider myself to be a good person now, even though I thought I was good before and was wrong about it, but my thoughts aren't good. Not always. I get distracted and think about other things and prove that I am indeed Ozai's son when needed. My temper gets the best of me more times than I'd like. I rely on lying to hide all that. I'm not the best of people. I'm as corrupted on the inside as my face is on the outside. I'm bad at being good. Saying what I'm thinking? Isn't helping me get any better at it.