(no subject)
1 MINUTE AGO: I was talking to an anonymous girl in rehab about A Million Little Pieces
1 HOUR AGO: I was walking to Dialectical Behavioral therapy
1 DAY AGO: I was angry at God
1 YEAR AGO: I wished I could get cancer and die from natural causes so I could have an excuse to feel this way
I LOVE: Poetry, friendships, movies that make me think about reality shifting, music, science-fiction/fantasy novels, sunshine and thunderstorms, the mountains and the oceans, flying
I HATE: myself
I FEAR: being alone forever
I FEEL: confused, anxious, worried, lonely, tired
I DRIVE: A 1998 white four door, manual Ford contour named Emmanual
I MISS: Heidi, John, Joanna, Bo, Matthew, Crystal, Lexan
I NEED: To find a direction in which to walk
I KNOW: too much
I THINK: too much
I AM: too little
I HAVE: a key collection
I LIKE: Driving, anime, the people I miss, reading, music, poetry, cloves, grande nonfat, no-foam caramel macciatos, early bird meetings, mindfulness meditations, chucking snowballs at marci's window, movie watching, flavor blast goldfish, medium spicy wings, ranch dressing, carrot sticks, milk, snapple, diet pepsi and coke, cinnamon gum, writing, pens, purple, sleeping, dreaming, clothes, windows, keys.
I WISH: it were saturday
I WONDER: what dreams may come...how long this hallway is...what is in store...if i'll make it?
I DANCE: when i'm happy
I CRY: when i'm overwhelmed and angry
I AM ALWAYS: a little bit cynical
I SPRAY: myself with that blue shit in my room?
I SEE: my hands....paint off finally, fingernails cut, four hairbands on my wrist, bruised forefingernail from my damn cardoor's vengeance against my rushing, coffee stain on my thigh, another person's figure besides me - busy in their meanderings on the net, and the memories that caress my mind constantly.
I WANT: things i cannot have...
I CAN'T HAVE: the things i want.
I GAVE UP: my dreams
I WANT TO CHANGE: my self-hate and bitterness
I YEARN: yes, i yearn. but for what. to what end. For the foolish things a young girl does, for that is what I am, simply a child. Stuck inside a jaded old mind filled with thoughtless desires and longings for older things, but just a child wanting for some other mother to cradle me home.
I AM JEALOUS: Of people who are loved.
I WISH I COULD: be held
I WORRY: about my sobriety a little, about my obligations, about my family matters and mclean pending in the future, about limbo and the hallway, about a great many things, and about nothing, which also worries me as well. To worry about nothing is to be hopeless is my opinion.
I HOPE: it all goes accordingly
I REALIZED: it really is all out of my hands! oi vey
I DREAMT: That the office could not find my car keys
I CAN: "Let go baby doll, oh are you in or are you out. leave this place behind cuz it all goni on on without you. Scuze me too busy oh writing your tragedy. This sucks, your bubble rocks. You've no idea what you are. So let go, jump in, it's so amazing here, s'all right, cuz there's beauty in the break down. Let go, jump in. It's so amazing here. It's all right. Cuz there's beauty in the break down."
I WON'T: Give up.
W H O . W A S . T H E . L A S T . P E R S O N . T H A T?
1. You hung out with? Dan and Adam at the Early Bird Meeting
2. Saw you cry: Brad Bloom
3. Went to the movies with you? Hah...Mom and Dad, Julia and Inga and some friend of theirs
4. You went to the mall with? O___o; Mom?
5. You went to dinner with? Wow...Dot, Susan, Helen, Lisa
6. You talked on the phone to? Mom, this morning. txted John.
7. Said 'I love you' to you and really meant it? John.
8. Made you laugh? Adam
W O U L D . Y O U . R A T H E R?
1. Pierce your nose or tongue? Nose
2. Be serious or be funny? Funny
3. Drink whole or skim milk? Skim baby. Watching my plank like figure.
4. Die in a fire or drown? Hum...Drown...I have an opportunity to every year or more anyway.
5. Spend time with your parents or enemies? Enemies
D O . Y O U . P R E F E R. .
1. Flowers or candy? I don't know, don't get either.
2. Gray or black? black
3. Color or Black and white photos? black and white, they're gorgeous
4. Lust or love? love
5. Sunrise or sunset? Sunset
6. M&Ms or Skittles? skittles or PEANUT m&mies
8. Staying up late or waking up early? Staying up late
9. Sun or moon? Moon
10. Winter or Fall? Fall
11. Left or right? Ambi...no preference ::shrug::
12. 10 acquaintances or having two best friends? 2 Best Friends
13. Sunny or rainy? ::eyebrow goes up:: Sun
14. Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream? Vanilla. Chocolate reminds me of mom
15. Vodka or Jack? Neither
A B O U T . Y O U!
1. What time is it? 10:52a
2. First and middle Name? Meghan Jennifer
3. Nickname(s): Meg, Megs, Sinneck, Xella, Auntie, M.J., Sparky, Captain Sparky
4. What is your birth date? September 3, 1983
5. What do you want? I already answered this question
6. Where do you want to live? Not here, hah
7. How many kids do you want? 1 or 2, maybe? Boys.
8. You want to get married? Yeah...but the eight ball points to "unlikely" and it hasn't been wrong yet
U N I Q U E !
1. Nervous habit: I dig my fingernails into my skin
2. Are you double jointed? My left thumb
3. Can you roll your tongue? hah yeah
4. Can you raise one eyebrow? My left one
5. Can you cross your eyes? Yeah
6. Do you make your bed daily? Rofl, I have to or I get put on contract eventually
R A N D O M
1. Which shoe goes on first? Whichever one can without me falling down
2. Ever thrown a shoe at someone? yeah, in humor. And at a bus once
3. On the average, how much money do you carry with you? However much I've just withdrawn
O T H E R
1. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? cut or twirl
2. Have you ever eaten Spam? Blarg, yes
3. Favorite ice cream: MALI! Vanilla heath bar crunch for me!
4. How many kinds of cereal are in your cabinet? lol, this cabinet has 5 but I live with 7 other women
5. What's your favorite beverage? Diet sodas and snapple. and non-fat no foam caramel macciatos
7. Do you cook? let's think...no. But for other people, yes.
IN . T H E . L A S T . M O N T H . H A V E . Y O U ?
1. Had a b/f or g/f?: No..
2. Bought something: Supplies, yes - phone cards and goldfish, smokes.
4. Sang: A little under my breath and in meetings
5. Been hugged: yeah...twas nice while it lasted.
6. Felt stupid: huh yes
7. Missed someone: Yes.
8. Got drunk: LOL. NO. Maybe off my first cig of the day or my seraquel
9. Danced crazy: BUST A MOVE
10. Gotten your hair cut: Not since July
11. Cried: This last week, yes. More than since Freshman year
12. Lied: A few times, white ones
-B-A-S-I-C-S-
x What is your first name?: Meghan
x What is your middle name?: Jennifer
x What is your zodiac sign?: Virgo
-L-O-O-K- -A-T- -M-E-
x What is your natural hair color?: Dark Brown
x What is your current hair color?: Blond Brown
x What color are your eyes?: Hazel-Blue-Gray-Green
x Piercings?: Ears and left Cartilage, thanks Kami!
x Tattoos?: broken infinity
x Long or Short Hair?: Upper back
x Straight or Curly?: straight wavy
x How tall are you?: 5'11''
x What is your shoe size?: 10 or so, I don't know! who knows this stuff.
-C-U-R-R-E-N-T-L-Y- -W-E-A-R-I-N-G-
x What shirt: Color faded hippie green sweatshirt I don't know where it came from with coffee stains on it
x Necklaces?: I lost my key
x Bracelets?: none
x Mascara?: yeah
x Eyeliner?: no
x Any other make up: maybe left over from yesterday
x Is your hair up or down?: up
-T-H-I-S- -O-R- -T-H-A-T-
x Rock or Rap?: rock
x Coffee or Hot Cocoa?: coffee
x Baseball or Softball?: baseball
x Hummer or Sports Car?: gimme speed baby, sports car. SL 500 Mercedes 1968 - maroon soft top convertible
x Guy or Girl?: men
x Bracelet or Necklace?: Necklace
x Pink or Purple?: Purple
x History or Science?: history
x Sleep in or Early to rise?: Sleep in if the world would LET ME!
x Beach or Boardwalk?: beach and boardwalk.
x Hoodie or Tee Shirt?: both
x Night Or Day?: Night
x Boxers or Briefs?: boxers
x High School or College?: college
x Jeans or Capris?: Jeans
x Love or Fun?: fun Love
x California or Florida?: california
x Simple Plan or Good Charlotte?: ehm no
x Babe or Baby?: Babe
-H-A-V-E- -Y-O-U- -E-V-E-R-
x Hugged someone?: Yep
x Been on the phone til the sun came up?: no
x Put a song on repeat for more than 2 hours?: how about days...weeks?
x Flashed anyone?: not all the way
x Mooned anyone?: nope
x Got chased by the police?: yeah, got away behind a garbage tank in a mobil off 95
x Got detention?: yeah
x Went to Juvy?: no
x Went streaking?: no
x Crashed a party?: no, had some
x Slept past 4 in the afternoon?: yeah
x Rejected someone?: yeah
x Got rejected? hah....story of my love life
-T-H-E- -L-A-S-T-
x Person you talked to in person?: the million little pieces girl
x Person you talked to online?: ehm john
x Person you talked to on the phone: mom...
x Movie you saw in the theaters?: Chronicles of NARNIA
x Thing you drank?: Coffee
x Thing you laughed at?: John's stories last night, or something minor at the house
x Cry?: last afternoon in brad's office
-R-A-N-D-O-M-
x Do you like surveys?: yea
x What kind of shampoo do you use?: pert plus or whatever is lying around. yesterday it was aveda
x Are you scared of what life will be like in 10 years? yeno...i don't care much.
x Do you get along with your parents?: no...but they stress me out
x Are you sad?: concerned
x Do you have mental breakdowns?: yeah i do, but i deserve them, i mean jeez
x Did you ever tell your parents you didn't feel good so you didn't have to go to school? What? uh yeah?
x Do you miss someone?: Yes, John.
x If yes, will you call them when you are done with this surey? Course! Like now.
1 HOUR AGO: I was walking to Dialectical Behavioral therapy
1 DAY AGO: I was angry at God
1 YEAR AGO: I wished I could get cancer and die from natural causes so I could have an excuse to feel this way
I LOVE: Poetry, friendships, movies that make me think about reality shifting, music, science-fiction/fantasy novels, sunshine and thunderstorms, the mountains and the oceans, flying
I HATE: myself
I FEAR: being alone forever
I FEEL: confused, anxious, worried, lonely, tired
I DRIVE: A 1998 white four door, manual Ford contour named Emmanual
I MISS: Heidi, John, Joanna, Bo, Matthew, Crystal, Lexan
I NEED: To find a direction in which to walk
I KNOW: too much
I THINK: too much
I AM: too little
I HAVE: a key collection
I LIKE: Driving, anime, the people I miss, reading, music, poetry, cloves, grande nonfat, no-foam caramel macciatos, early bird meetings, mindfulness meditations, chucking snowballs at marci's window, movie watching, flavor blast goldfish, medium spicy wings, ranch dressing, carrot sticks, milk, snapple, diet pepsi and coke, cinnamon gum, writing, pens, purple, sleeping, dreaming, clothes, windows, keys.
I WISH: it were saturday
I WONDER: what dreams may come...how long this hallway is...what is in store...if i'll make it?
I DANCE: when i'm happy
I CRY: when i'm overwhelmed and angry
I AM ALWAYS: a little bit cynical
I SPRAY: myself with that blue shit in my room?
I SEE: my hands....paint off finally, fingernails cut, four hairbands on my wrist, bruised forefingernail from my damn cardoor's vengeance against my rushing, coffee stain on my thigh, another person's figure besides me - busy in their meanderings on the net, and the memories that caress my mind constantly.
I WANT: things i cannot have...
I CAN'T HAVE: the things i want.
I GAVE UP: my dreams
I WANT TO CHANGE: my self-hate and bitterness
I YEARN: yes, i yearn. but for what. to what end. For the foolish things a young girl does, for that is what I am, simply a child. Stuck inside a jaded old mind filled with thoughtless desires and longings for older things, but just a child wanting for some other mother to cradle me home.
I AM JEALOUS: Of people who are loved.
I WISH I COULD: be held
I WORRY: about my sobriety a little, about my obligations, about my family matters and mclean pending in the future, about limbo and the hallway, about a great many things, and about nothing, which also worries me as well. To worry about nothing is to be hopeless is my opinion.
I HOPE: it all goes accordingly
I REALIZED: it really is all out of my hands! oi vey
I DREAMT: That the office could not find my car keys
I CAN: "Let go baby doll, oh are you in or are you out. leave this place behind cuz it all goni on on without you. Scuze me too busy oh writing your tragedy. This sucks, your bubble rocks. You've no idea what you are. So let go, jump in, it's so amazing here, s'all right, cuz there's beauty in the break down. Let go, jump in. It's so amazing here. It's all right. Cuz there's beauty in the break down."
I WON'T: Give up.
W H O . W A S . T H E . L A S T . P E R S O N . T H A T?
1. You hung out with? Dan and Adam at the Early Bird Meeting
2. Saw you cry: Brad Bloom
3. Went to the movies with you? Hah...Mom and Dad, Julia and Inga and some friend of theirs
4. You went to the mall with? O___o; Mom?
5. You went to dinner with? Wow...Dot, Susan, Helen, Lisa
6. You talked on the phone to? Mom, this morning. txted John.
7. Said 'I love you' to you and really meant it? John.
8. Made you laugh? Adam
W O U L D . Y O U . R A T H E R?
1. Pierce your nose or tongue? Nose
2. Be serious or be funny? Funny
3. Drink whole or skim milk? Skim baby. Watching my plank like figure.
4. Die in a fire or drown? Hum...Drown...I have an opportunity to every year or more anyway.
5. Spend time with your parents or enemies? Enemies
D O . Y O U . P R E F E R. .
1. Flowers or candy? I don't know, don't get either.
2. Gray or black? black
3. Color or Black and white photos? black and white, they're gorgeous
4. Lust or love? love
5. Sunrise or sunset? Sunset
6. M&Ms or Skittles? skittles or PEANUT m&mies
8. Staying up late or waking up early? Staying up late
9. Sun or moon? Moon
10. Winter or Fall? Fall
11. Left or right? Ambi...no preference ::shrug::
12. 10 acquaintances or having two best friends? 2 Best Friends
13. Sunny or rainy? ::eyebrow goes up:: Sun
14. Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream? Vanilla. Chocolate reminds me of mom
15. Vodka or Jack? Neither
A B O U T . Y O U!
1. What time is it? 10:52a
2. First and middle Name? Meghan Jennifer
3. Nickname(s): Meg, Megs, Sinneck, Xella, Auntie, M.J., Sparky, Captain Sparky
4. What is your birth date? September 3, 1983
5. What do you want? I already answered this question
6. Where do you want to live? Not here, hah
7. How many kids do you want? 1 or 2, maybe? Boys.
8. You want to get married? Yeah...but the eight ball points to "unlikely" and it hasn't been wrong yet
U N I Q U E !
1. Nervous habit: I dig my fingernails into my skin
2. Are you double jointed? My left thumb
3. Can you roll your tongue? hah yeah
4. Can you raise one eyebrow? My left one
5. Can you cross your eyes? Yeah
6. Do you make your bed daily? Rofl, I have to or I get put on contract eventually
R A N D O M
1. Which shoe goes on first? Whichever one can without me falling down
2. Ever thrown a shoe at someone? yeah, in humor. And at a bus once
3. On the average, how much money do you carry with you? However much I've just withdrawn
O T H E R
1. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? cut or twirl
2. Have you ever eaten Spam? Blarg, yes
3. Favorite ice cream: MALI! Vanilla heath bar crunch for me!
4. How many kinds of cereal are in your cabinet? lol, this cabinet has 5 but I live with 7 other women
5. What's your favorite beverage? Diet sodas and snapple. and non-fat no foam caramel macciatos
7. Do you cook? let's think...no. But for other people, yes.
IN . T H E . L A S T . M O N T H . H A V E . Y O U ?
1. Had a b/f or g/f?: No..
2. Bought something: Supplies, yes - phone cards and goldfish, smokes.
4. Sang: A little under my breath and in meetings
5. Been hugged: yeah...twas nice while it lasted.
6. Felt stupid: huh yes
7. Missed someone: Yes.
8. Got drunk: LOL. NO. Maybe off my first cig of the day or my seraquel
9. Danced crazy: BUST A MOVE
10. Gotten your hair cut: Not since July
11. Cried: This last week, yes. More than since Freshman year
12. Lied: A few times, white ones
-B-A-S-I-C-S-
x What is your first name?: Meghan
x What is your middle name?: Jennifer
x What is your zodiac sign?: Virgo
-L-O-O-K- -A-T- -M-E-
x What is your natural hair color?: Dark Brown
x What is your current hair color?: Blond Brown
x What color are your eyes?: Hazel-Blue-Gray-Green
x Piercings?: Ears and left Cartilage, thanks Kami!
x Tattoos?: broken infinity
x Long or Short Hair?: Upper back
x Straight or Curly?: straight wavy
x How tall are you?: 5'11''
x What is your shoe size?: 10 or so, I don't know! who knows this stuff.
-C-U-R-R-E-N-T-L-Y- -W-E-A-R-I-N-G-
x What shirt: Color faded hippie green sweatshirt I don't know where it came from with coffee stains on it
x Necklaces?: I lost my key
x Bracelets?: none
x Mascara?: yeah
x Eyeliner?: no
x Any other make up: maybe left over from yesterday
x Is your hair up or down?: up
-T-H-I-S- -O-R- -T-H-A-T-
x Rock or Rap?: rock
x Coffee or Hot Cocoa?: coffee
x Baseball or Softball?: baseball
x Hummer or Sports Car?: gimme speed baby, sports car. SL 500 Mercedes 1968 - maroon soft top convertible
x Guy or Girl?: men
x Bracelet or Necklace?: Necklace
x Pink or Purple?: Purple
x History or Science?: history
x Sleep in or Early to rise?: Sleep in if the world would LET ME!
x Beach or Boardwalk?: beach and boardwalk.
x Hoodie or Tee Shirt?: both
x Night Or Day?: Night
x Boxers or Briefs?: boxers
x High School or College?: college
x Jeans or Capris?: Jeans
x Love or Fun?: fun Love
x California or Florida?: california
x Simple Plan or Good Charlotte?: ehm no
x Babe or Baby?: Babe
-H-A-V-E- -Y-O-U- -E-V-E-R-
x Hugged someone?: Yep
x Been on the phone til the sun came up?: no
x Put a song on repeat for more than 2 hours?: how about days...weeks?
x Flashed anyone?: not all the way
x Mooned anyone?: nope
x Got chased by the police?: yeah, got away behind a garbage tank in a mobil off 95
x Got detention?: yeah
x Went to Juvy?: no
x Went streaking?: no
x Crashed a party?: no, had some
x Slept past 4 in the afternoon?: yeah
x Rejected someone?: yeah
x Got rejected? hah....story of my love life
-T-H-E- -L-A-S-T-
x Person you talked to in person?: the million little pieces girl
x Person you talked to online?: ehm john
x Person you talked to on the phone: mom...
x Movie you saw in the theaters?: Chronicles of NARNIA
x Thing you drank?: Coffee
x Thing you laughed at?: John's stories last night, or something minor at the house
x Cry?: last afternoon in brad's office
-R-A-N-D-O-M-
x Do you like surveys?: yea
x What kind of shampoo do you use?: pert plus or whatever is lying around. yesterday it was aveda
x Are you scared of what life will be like in 10 years? yeno...i don't care much.
x Do you get along with your parents?: no...but they stress me out
x Are you sad?: concerned
x Do you have mental breakdowns?: yeah i do, but i deserve them, i mean jeez
x Did you ever tell your parents you didn't feel good so you didn't have to go to school? What? uh yeah?
x Do you miss someone?: Yes, John.
x If yes, will you call them when you are done with this surey? Course! Like now.