What I miss
theatrical_muse topic: Close your eyes and think about what you've been missing in your life lately. It could be a person, pet, place, thing, occasion, feeling. Anything at all that you miss dearly.
Well, I'm missing an eye. It makes doing that hard.
No, no. I know what you mean. All right.
I know everyone will expect me to say Zhaan. I do. I do miss Zhaan. I miss her smile and the touch of her hand, and the warmth of her voice. Other people may smile at me, speak to me, touch me. I value them, too, each in their individual self. But there is only ever one of each of us in all the universe -- yes, Crichton, even you -- and no one will be Zhaan for me now that she's gone. It took me too long to learn that.
Yes, I miss her still. I miss the unfamiliar certainty she made me feel in the depths of my soul, that I was wanted and always would be. I miss her words, so wise, so kind. I miss the feel of her skin beneath my hands. There is so much I wish I could share with her, so many things... I grieve for the life we could have had.
And yet... It doesn't ache the way it used to, the loss. It doesn't stab and twist and scream inside me any more, most of the time. It's become a good, a loving sadness. One that honors her memory.
I can feel her with me when I say that, can almost see her smiling. She is very loving, Zhaan. Very wise. And she is with me still, even now.
Well, I'm missing an eye. It makes doing that hard.
No, no. I know what you mean. All right.
I know everyone will expect me to say Zhaan. I do. I do miss Zhaan. I miss her smile and the touch of her hand, and the warmth of her voice. Other people may smile at me, speak to me, touch me. I value them, too, each in their individual self. But there is only ever one of each of us in all the universe -- yes, Crichton, even you -- and no one will be Zhaan for me now that she's gone. It took me too long to learn that.
Yes, I miss her still. I miss the unfamiliar certainty she made me feel in the depths of my soul, that I was wanted and always would be. I miss her words, so wise, so kind. I miss the feel of her skin beneath my hands. There is so much I wish I could share with her, so many things... I grieve for the life we could have had.
And yet... It doesn't ache the way it used to, the loss. It doesn't stab and twist and scream inside me any more, most of the time. It's become a good, a loving sadness. One that honors her memory.
I can feel her with me when I say that, can almost see her smiling. She is very loving, Zhaan. Very wise. And she is with me still, even now.