May 19, 2005 19:40
My life is in upheaval. Believe it or not, that doesn't frighten me. I've been so very used to things being this way for a long time...chaos and change doesn't bother me so much, any more.
What does bother me...is that slowly, there are a few friends of mine who I no longer know how to react to. Part of that is because at times, my visions show me things I do not want to see, and this is one of those times. There's a tiny little part of me, that's grown in during my time here, that suggests perhaps I should forgive them that. The rest of me says..."No. Go on. You are Euthanatos. It is your task and burden to judge."
And so I do nothing. At least regarding that situation, and at least for now.
I have options, if I make choices. I should at least remember that.
I have made one choice, calling it quits at the dance hall that was my stripping job. So far I'll be working for Rick Halliburton, making deliveries to his clients who don't like to come out to the airfield. I start Monday, for what seems like a pretty good beginning package. I can't complain.
I can be grateful, on the other hand. For people like Cooper, and Rick, and Morgan. There are others, too.
I'm just...so tired of seeing. But when am I not?