(no subject)
Valentine's Day. A commercial holiday. Not anything we had on my world. Not any more, at least.
It's strange, to see everything in the windows. Decorations, cherubs, candies. Strange to see people exchanging cards and gifts in the streets, instead of punches, or gunfire, or worse. I'm not sure what to make of it. Nor am I sure how I feel about it, exactly. Wistful? Jealous? I just don't know.
I think I might be having an easier time dealing with things, than Irina is. Why? Irina had no real warning--she was just thrust into a world she hadn't realized was as brutal as it is. I had two years' warning and training and just...preparation. I knew things were getting worse, I'd been told. The only reason I'm having the problems I do is because...I've blocked myself from opening up. Getting to know people. Getting close to anyone.
After all, why bother? They only die, or they stab you in the back.
It's hard for me to break that mindset. Equally difficult is changing the ideal I have of Morgan Knight. Irina swears he isn't a Nephandus. Murder doesn't trust her assessment of that--but he does trust her enough to be a Seal, it seems. I'm not entirely sure what to make of that.
The visions I've had regarding this reality's version are disturbing, though. And almost--almost--my heart aches for him.
At least until I remember my reality's version skewering it...
I need time.
It's strange, to see everything in the windows. Decorations, cherubs, candies. Strange to see people exchanging cards and gifts in the streets, instead of punches, or gunfire, or worse. I'm not sure what to make of it. Nor am I sure how I feel about it, exactly. Wistful? Jealous? I just don't know.
I think I might be having an easier time dealing with things, than Irina is. Why? Irina had no real warning--she was just thrust into a world she hadn't realized was as brutal as it is. I had two years' warning and training and just...preparation. I knew things were getting worse, I'd been told. The only reason I'm having the problems I do is because...I've blocked myself from opening up. Getting to know people. Getting close to anyone.
After all, why bother? They only die, or they stab you in the back.
It's hard for me to break that mindset. Equally difficult is changing the ideal I have of Morgan Knight. Irina swears he isn't a Nephandus. Murder doesn't trust her assessment of that--but he does trust her enough to be a Seal, it seems. I'm not entirely sure what to make of that.
The visions I've had regarding this reality's version are disturbing, though. And almost--almost--my heart aches for him.
At least until I remember my reality's version skewering it...
I need time.