Letters to a ghost #3
Here goes another one. It's been a month and a half since the break up.
I love you. I still do very much. I was so cold to you throughout our relationship, just because I didn't trust that I was capable of being loved and returning that love, but you still loved me for almost 3 years. And that's why I love you. You've done what others have only attempted and for that, I love you. But I know it was a heavy price. To be with someone that did not love themselves let alone show love. It must have been lonely for you to drive so far to be with someone that did not smile your very sight. It must have been sad for you to drive so far back, to not even receive a phone call to hear of your safe return. I'm sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am. I'm sorry everyday, for allowing our relationship to fade so slowly away. I love you still, but this time away has taught me many things. One of which is that I do not truly love myself and that I'm not happy with myself and that it'll require lots of time and planning inorder to heal my mind, body and heart to what it once was, before you met me. I need to be alone in order to do that because you became my only supporting pillar. Something that I relied on solely, which made me feel even worse because I already knew in the back of my mind that I can't hold a relationship in this kind of state and it finally showed. Now that I have the time for myself to grow and learn and improve... I pray everyday that maybe in the future, when our pain has fully healed... that maybe you would want to be with me again. The next time... I promise, we'll be spectacular.
I love you. I still do very much. I was so cold to you throughout our relationship, just because I didn't trust that I was capable of being loved and returning that love, but you still loved me for almost 3 years. And that's why I love you. You've done what others have only attempted and for that, I love you. But I know it was a heavy price. To be with someone that did not love themselves let alone show love. It must have been lonely for you to drive so far to be with someone that did not smile your very sight. It must have been sad for you to drive so far back, to not even receive a phone call to hear of your safe return. I'm sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am. I'm sorry everyday, for allowing our relationship to fade so slowly away. I love you still, but this time away has taught me many things. One of which is that I do not truly love myself and that I'm not happy with myself and that it'll require lots of time and planning inorder to heal my mind, body and heart to what it once was, before you met me. I need to be alone in order to do that because you became my only supporting pillar. Something that I relied on solely, which made me feel even worse because I already knew in the back of my mind that I can't hold a relationship in this kind of state and it finally showed. Now that I have the time for myself to grow and learn and improve... I pray everyday that maybe in the future, when our pain has fully healed... that maybe you would want to be with me again. The next time... I promise, we'll be spectacular.