(( guess what!? FUCK YOU! ))
ok so i got that call from britt and talked to people about who was talking shit about me. every1 denied talking shit. whatever you lieng sluts and man whores. i dont even care if your gunna talk about me ne more coz guess what?.. ALL YOU DUMB FUCKS ARE TOO BIG OF PUSSYS TO ACTUALLY SAY THE SHIT YOU THINK ABOUT ME TO MY FACE,SO FUCK YOU,YOUR THE FUCKED UP LOOSERS WITH THE PROBLEMS.NOT ME!anyways uhm i went online after that and looked up movie times and i asked my mom to take me and becca to see the exorcist (becca is my sister) then i talked to austin and james and nick and clint and invited them all to go. and they all wanted to. but becuase i never plan ahead i didnt end up deciding i was goin to a movie till like 10 min before the movie started so it ended up being me mom and becca goin. andy met me there and we saw the movie which by the way was SOOO NOT SCARY! ok so then i walkd out and like 50 people were there that i knew and i was kinda embarassed to be there with my mom and sister but w*e im still cool. lol then we took andy home and i went to georges and hung there for a bit. wee. yah w*e. then austin and james came and picked me up --we went to shroomers pizza then oceanwalk. wee hoo. then we went to james house and hung there for a bit then austin came home w/me and spent the night. he is the sweetest guy ever. really sweet. god man i hope things with me and him work out and i hope more than ne thing that hes not an ass like all these other dickwads.well uhm in the morning i woke u and layed there w/ austin for like 20 min talking. then we went in the kitchen and ate breakfast coz my mom made us waffles and stuff. we hoo. uhm then i went back in bed and we talked. i was supposta go to church with him but i went to the mall w/my mom instead,sorry austin. =( i got a really cute dress from bebe for like 118$ it was a splurge but its adorable. if i got go homecomming (if i get asked ,coz im not going unless i get asked) then ill prolly wear that dress..i also got a really cute shirt from there too. wooh. then i came home and showered and now im bored. i hate every1. with a few exceptions like lauren cox.anna glover.jessie matacle.kim karsten.brooke levring.chelsea bircher.brittany snipes and desiree pierson. other than those people i dont really trust ne one or feel close to ne 1. w*e tho. i hate this. i feel so empty and sad agin. i feel like crying alot and like everything around me is falling apart and i cant stop it so i just sit there and watch wating to die.death shure is an easy way out of things but to me it seems like a good way out. drinking gets u in trubble with guys who take advantage of you.smoking never has been my thing and after pills i always feel really sick. hm. die? i dont know. i was at a stop sign by the runway today and i like dazed off and watched the rain and thought "i wonder how many people if ne wud cry if i died" wow. i know its weird but admit it .every1 thinks about it.i shure do.i want to start going to church i need sumthing good to believe in otherwise as i see it LIFE SUCKS AND THERE IS NO POINT IN LIVING IF EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE LIKE THIS.my heart is cold now and nothing people say even fazes me.thats really sad considering i use to love ebeyone and want to see every1 happy and now i dont even care. every1 needs to deal with their own problems.i wish i cud talk to sum1 about how i feel but whenever i tell ne1 ne thing the whole city has to find out about what i said. god.i think im more mature than most kids my age becuase im not into this whole drama and gossip shit. my mom has pain killers and sleeping pills,i think ill take some sleepin pills and sleep for a long time. every morning when i wake up i feel queasy nausious and tired . even tho im sleeping i never relax and float away like yure supposta. i just lay there and think in bed and even to im sleeping i cud almost swear i lay there AWAKE all night. god i bet i sound crazy. no1 relates to me ne more. see i decided to stop putting up this whole happy peppy nice little nicole act and be myself and now people really think ive changed when really i just being the person i wish i cud of been my whole life. lord. ive got to go. i keep thinking about austin. what am i doing? who knows,i swear if he breaks my heart ill never ever trust/love/care about ne1 or ne thing agin.its already hard enough for me to open up. and if me and him dont work after ive opened up to him well then im never doing this agin.
xO n*cOle
xO n*cOle