Of All The Stars In The Galaxy [1/1]
Title: Of All The Stars In The Galaxy [1/1]
Author: Jess>>>> bangxbangxdie7
Pairing: Declan/ Starr *Original characters, from left to right*
Rating: PG-13 ish
POV: First
Summary: I loved him, and I knew I couldn't. But somehow that didn't help me make up my mind about what I was going to do about it.
Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't copy.
Author Note: Hey guys this is a little thing for a contest =] I love you, and I hope you like it <33 Please comment?
The way we met was not accidental. In my opinion, the way we met had to be because of pure fate, whether I believed in it or not. I had been torn between what I wanted to do, and what I had to do. I could have either stayed home and helped my mom deal with my dad divorcing her and leaving her alone with 4 children, or I could go to the college of my dreams and pretend my family didn't need me. I had been selfish, and I packed my bags. I knew that my mother was going to hate me for it, but I had to get out of my house. I couldn't stay there.
The day before I was planned to leave I looked out of my bedroom window and saw a moving truck across the street. And I saw him. I saw my reason to stay in Tallahassee and hold off on my college experience in New York City.
He was tall and handsome...and he looked a bit mysterious. He caught my eye for many seconds...and I was afraid that he would see me looking at him and think I was a freak. I kept staring at him though, because I couldn't quite take my eyes off him. I wondered if he knew he was beautiful, and if he did, how he acted about it. I hated the cocky type, but for some reason I was willing to let it slide with him.
Of course I had unpacked everything and 'came to my senses' about being there for my mom. She was grateful, but she had no clue about the truth. The truth that I only stayed because of a good looking boy who had just moved across the street.
He was special, I knew that before I even met him. I liked to think that I had a sixth sense for reading people. I was born with it because I saw right through people since I was a kid- my dad for example. I knew he was an asshole for a real long time, I just kept quiet about it because I didn't want my mom to be sad. She probably would have been better off with me telling her exactly what I thought though.
I took it upon myself to knock on his door a few days after he and his family were all settled in. I introduced myself as Declan and I apologized for my name being so abnormal, and that it was actually Gaelic for 'Full Of Goodness.' He made me feel better about it by telling me that his name was Starr...like a star in the sky only with two r's. Then he let me in.
I found out many things that day. I found out that Starr was a year older than me. I also found out that his family moved because they were in a bad area; a really bad area. The way he dressed didn't give any indication that he lived in the slums of Florida...and I was confused about that. But I didn't ask questions. I just let him talk to me, and I realized that I liked the sound of his voice. I wanted him to keep talking to me.
He was an excellent artist, he showed me some of his work. He said he wasn't good at drawing people though, but it looked like to me that he could draw anything his little heart desired. I could barely scribble out a stick figure but I pretended like I knew what he was talking about when he mentioned different types of drawing and what canvas he preferred.
We hung out a lot, we became friends very quickly. Funny because we had nothing in common. I was the biggest carnivore imaginable and he was a member of PETA. I listened to a specific kind of music and wouldn't let my ears be subjected to anything other than what I used to, and he listened to just about anything. I was a total B type personality and he was so A type it was ridiculous.
Our differences didn't matter to us. We liked the fact that we were opposites. It was part of the reason why we got along so well. He broadened my horizons and I broadened his. He actually got me to go to an art gallery and listen to Neon Trees. I got him to wear the same jeans twice in a row and try piece of chicken even though he spat it out straight away. It seemed like we were always laughing about something. It was great.
We got along so well it was almost too good to be true. With only a few months of knowing each other we were like two peas in a pod. We started to dress the same and order the same things when we went out. I was finishing his sentences and he knew me better than I knew myself. It was nearly scary.
The problem was that I was starting to develop a crush on him. I thought that I could keep it to myself and...maybe ignore it. Because I wasn't dumb- I knew it would ruin everything. I knew that if I told him he wouldn't want to be my friend anymore. He didn't have to say anything, I knew he was straight. I knew that because I was gay and I would have known it if he were. And it dawned on me that maybe he was thinking the same thing. But I couldn't be sure.
I had only been with two boys...and neither relationship was serious. I didn't want anything serious I just wanted to have fun and leave when I wanted to. I guess I blamed my parents marriage for that. But for some strange reason I wanted something with Starr that I couldn't explain. I wanted Starr all to myself. I didn't want him to be with anyone else. Just me. I only wanted him with me. Selfish I know.
Starr failed to tell me that he was absolutely terrified of being alone. His parents had to go away for a weekend to help out with his grandparents and he couldn't miss class so he had to stay behind. He called me, basically crying, that he couldn't be in his house alone. At first I wanted to offer him to stay at my house...but my selfishness got the best of me and I asked him if he wanted me to stay with him for the time being.
Of course he said yes I mean...he was scared to death. Like someone was going to come in and take him away. And when I arrived at his door and saw him in tears...I realized that maybe in his old house they got robbed or something. And I felt bad for him and all I wanted to do was help.
He told me he was sorry for acting like such a baby. I reassured him that he was doing nothing of the sort and that it was okay. I was there to protect him and make him feel safe. He had shocked me when he asked me to stay in his room with him at nighttime. His cheeks were red and I knew he was embarrassed. I made sure he fell asleep before I did just to make him feel better. I liked to watch him sleep, as creepy as it was. He was just perfect. I couldn't help myself. And when I had to return to my own home I was disappointed. I knew I couldn't stay with him forever...but a part of me wanted to.
I had dreams. Bad dreams. Well, good but bad dreams. About Starr. About Starr naked. I often wondered what he looked like with no clothes on. I felt dirty. I was falling fast and hard for my friend and there wasn't anything I could do about it. It was such a weird feeling. I never loved anyone before. I didn't think I'd know how to recognize it, but I did.
Maybe it was a mistake- actually it was definitely a mistake. I...I had asked him a question that would change our lives; our friendship. My question was the main reason for everything bad happening. I should have just kept my mouth shut, I should have pushed Starr out of my mind. I should have known to do that. But instead I asked him what he would do if he was in love with his best friend and he knew that they didn't feel the same.
I must have been pretty damn transparent that day because he saw right through me. And all my fears came true.
"You're...you're in love with me? Like as...more than friends?" Starr's eyes were so gray that afternoon.
I stepped closer towards him. "I- I'm confused. Starr I- I know we're friends. I do. I get that. But all I wanna do is kiss you."
He backed away from me and he looked so hurt by what I was saying.
"Dec...I love you too. But not like that. I'm sorry. Really. I must have led you on I must have said something- I-" I cut him off because I couldn't bear what he was saying.
"Fuck. Why did I do this? Starr please can we rewind? Can you walk out and come back in? I...I was going to move on I swear. I knew I couldn't feel like this anymore for your sake...Starr I don't want to lose you!"
He had never seen me cry before. And there I was sobbing like a child.
"No, no I'm sorry Dec we can't make this go away. Look I feel so bad that I can't...reciprocate your feelings. Because like I said I do love you, I do. As a friend; a best friend. I thought..." he smiled for a split second. "I thought that we'd be friends forever, Declan. I thought you'd be my best man at my wedding, the godfather of my kids I...since when are you even gay I don't...I don't know how I could have missed this. I thought I knew you."
I wiped my eyes even though it was useless.
"You do! You know me, you know every single little thing about me. And I know you just the same. That's why I love you so much. But...but Starr listen to me, I swear I can get passed this. I-"
He was shaking his head. He grabbed onto my face and made me stare at him. It felt like hours but it was only a few minutes. "It's okay, Dec. You don't have to explain, you didn't do anything wrong. You just need time. That's all. You just need to get over me and...and then everything will be okay. Right?"
We both knew that he was just saying that. He didn't mean it. He was disgusted by the fact that I loved him, he felt betrayed that I never told him I was gay, he felt violated that I slept in the same bed with him even though I never tried anything. And he was right, we couldn't take anything back. What happened happened. I said what I said and it cost me everything.
I then decided that it was time to let my mom be independent for the first time in her life and I moved to New York. I left Starr without saying a word; he had no idea I was planning on leaving. But I had to. Nothing was the same and I knew he would never love me the way that I loved him.
I would always love Starr...and no matter what happens or who comes into my life? I will never get over him.
Author: Jess>>>> bangxbangxdie7
Pairing: Declan/ Starr *Original characters, from left to right*
Rating: PG-13 ish
POV: First
Summary: I loved him, and I knew I couldn't. But somehow that didn't help me make up my mind about what I was going to do about it.
Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't copy.
Author Note: Hey guys this is a little thing for a contest =] I love you, and I hope you like it <33 Please comment?
The way we met was not accidental. In my opinion, the way we met had to be because of pure fate, whether I believed in it or not. I had been torn between what I wanted to do, and what I had to do. I could have either stayed home and helped my mom deal with my dad divorcing her and leaving her alone with 4 children, or I could go to the college of my dreams and pretend my family didn't need me. I had been selfish, and I packed my bags. I knew that my mother was going to hate me for it, but I had to get out of my house. I couldn't stay there.
The day before I was planned to leave I looked out of my bedroom window and saw a moving truck across the street. And I saw him. I saw my reason to stay in Tallahassee and hold off on my college experience in New York City.
He was tall and handsome...and he looked a bit mysterious. He caught my eye for many seconds...and I was afraid that he would see me looking at him and think I was a freak. I kept staring at him though, because I couldn't quite take my eyes off him. I wondered if he knew he was beautiful, and if he did, how he acted about it. I hated the cocky type, but for some reason I was willing to let it slide with him.
Of course I had unpacked everything and 'came to my senses' about being there for my mom. She was grateful, but she had no clue about the truth. The truth that I only stayed because of a good looking boy who had just moved across the street.
He was special, I knew that before I even met him. I liked to think that I had a sixth sense for reading people. I was born with it because I saw right through people since I was a kid- my dad for example. I knew he was an asshole for a real long time, I just kept quiet about it because I didn't want my mom to be sad. She probably would have been better off with me telling her exactly what I thought though.
I took it upon myself to knock on his door a few days after he and his family were all settled in. I introduced myself as Declan and I apologized for my name being so abnormal, and that it was actually Gaelic for 'Full Of Goodness.' He made me feel better about it by telling me that his name was Starr...like a star in the sky only with two r's. Then he let me in.
I found out many things that day. I found out that Starr was a year older than me. I also found out that his family moved because they were in a bad area; a really bad area. The way he dressed didn't give any indication that he lived in the slums of Florida...and I was confused about that. But I didn't ask questions. I just let him talk to me, and I realized that I liked the sound of his voice. I wanted him to keep talking to me.
He was an excellent artist, he showed me some of his work. He said he wasn't good at drawing people though, but it looked like to me that he could draw anything his little heart desired. I could barely scribble out a stick figure but I pretended like I knew what he was talking about when he mentioned different types of drawing and what canvas he preferred.
We hung out a lot, we became friends very quickly. Funny because we had nothing in common. I was the biggest carnivore imaginable and he was a member of PETA. I listened to a specific kind of music and wouldn't let my ears be subjected to anything other than what I used to, and he listened to just about anything. I was a total B type personality and he was so A type it was ridiculous.
Our differences didn't matter to us. We liked the fact that we were opposites. It was part of the reason why we got along so well. He broadened my horizons and I broadened his. He actually got me to go to an art gallery and listen to Neon Trees. I got him to wear the same jeans twice in a row and try piece of chicken even though he spat it out straight away. It seemed like we were always laughing about something. It was great.
We got along so well it was almost too good to be true. With only a few months of knowing each other we were like two peas in a pod. We started to dress the same and order the same things when we went out. I was finishing his sentences and he knew me better than I knew myself. It was nearly scary.
The problem was that I was starting to develop a crush on him. I thought that I could keep it to myself and...maybe ignore it. Because I wasn't dumb- I knew it would ruin everything. I knew that if I told him he wouldn't want to be my friend anymore. He didn't have to say anything, I knew he was straight. I knew that because I was gay and I would have known it if he were. And it dawned on me that maybe he was thinking the same thing. But I couldn't be sure.
I had only been with two boys...and neither relationship was serious. I didn't want anything serious I just wanted to have fun and leave when I wanted to. I guess I blamed my parents marriage for that. But for some strange reason I wanted something with Starr that I couldn't explain. I wanted Starr all to myself. I didn't want him to be with anyone else. Just me. I only wanted him with me. Selfish I know.
Starr failed to tell me that he was absolutely terrified of being alone. His parents had to go away for a weekend to help out with his grandparents and he couldn't miss class so he had to stay behind. He called me, basically crying, that he couldn't be in his house alone. At first I wanted to offer him to stay at my house...but my selfishness got the best of me and I asked him if he wanted me to stay with him for the time being.
Of course he said yes I mean...he was scared to death. Like someone was going to come in and take him away. And when I arrived at his door and saw him in tears...I realized that maybe in his old house they got robbed or something. And I felt bad for him and all I wanted to do was help.
He told me he was sorry for acting like such a baby. I reassured him that he was doing nothing of the sort and that it was okay. I was there to protect him and make him feel safe. He had shocked me when he asked me to stay in his room with him at nighttime. His cheeks were red and I knew he was embarrassed. I made sure he fell asleep before I did just to make him feel better. I liked to watch him sleep, as creepy as it was. He was just perfect. I couldn't help myself. And when I had to return to my own home I was disappointed. I knew I couldn't stay with him forever...but a part of me wanted to.
I had dreams. Bad dreams. Well, good but bad dreams. About Starr. About Starr naked. I often wondered what he looked like with no clothes on. I felt dirty. I was falling fast and hard for my friend and there wasn't anything I could do about it. It was such a weird feeling. I never loved anyone before. I didn't think I'd know how to recognize it, but I did.
Maybe it was a mistake- actually it was definitely a mistake. I...I had asked him a question that would change our lives; our friendship. My question was the main reason for everything bad happening. I should have just kept my mouth shut, I should have pushed Starr out of my mind. I should have known to do that. But instead I asked him what he would do if he was in love with his best friend and he knew that they didn't feel the same.
I must have been pretty damn transparent that day because he saw right through me. And all my fears came true.
"You're...you're in love with me? Like as...more than friends?" Starr's eyes were so gray that afternoon.
I stepped closer towards him. "I- I'm confused. Starr I- I know we're friends. I do. I get that. But all I wanna do is kiss you."
He backed away from me and he looked so hurt by what I was saying.
"Dec...I love you too. But not like that. I'm sorry. Really. I must have led you on I must have said something- I-" I cut him off because I couldn't bear what he was saying.
"Fuck. Why did I do this? Starr please can we rewind? Can you walk out and come back in? I...I was going to move on I swear. I knew I couldn't feel like this anymore for your sake...Starr I don't want to lose you!"
He had never seen me cry before. And there I was sobbing like a child.
"No, no I'm sorry Dec we can't make this go away. Look I feel so bad that I can't...reciprocate your feelings. Because like I said I do love you, I do. As a friend; a best friend. I thought..." he smiled for a split second. "I thought that we'd be friends forever, Declan. I thought you'd be my best man at my wedding, the godfather of my kids I...since when are you even gay I don't...I don't know how I could have missed this. I thought I knew you."
I wiped my eyes even though it was useless.
"You do! You know me, you know every single little thing about me. And I know you just the same. That's why I love you so much. But...but Starr listen to me, I swear I can get passed this. I-"
He was shaking his head. He grabbed onto my face and made me stare at him. It felt like hours but it was only a few minutes. "It's okay, Dec. You don't have to explain, you didn't do anything wrong. You just need time. That's all. You just need to get over me and...and then everything will be okay. Right?"
We both knew that he was just saying that. He didn't mean it. He was disgusted by the fact that I loved him, he felt betrayed that I never told him I was gay, he felt violated that I slept in the same bed with him even though I never tried anything. And he was right, we couldn't take anything back. What happened happened. I said what I said and it cost me everything.
I then decided that it was time to let my mom be independent for the first time in her life and I moved to New York. I left Starr without saying a word; he had no idea I was planning on leaving. But I had to. Nothing was the same and I knew he would never love me the way that I loved him.
I would always love Starr...and no matter what happens or who comes into my life? I will never get over him.