I swear I'm loosing it
So dun dun DUNNNNNN - Rent Inspection notice.... of course Scott is all "fuck it, they can just live with it" he of course is not here when they come and make me feel bad about every tiny little detail, I can't understand why he cant get it though his thick skull the amount of anxiety I go through with these things, he KNOW, I have told him and told him and its not something I can just 'get over' its how I am, yet everytime he just ignores it and goes on like I'm not going insane with anxiety and stress each time... its leaves me exhausted because once its done and it wasnt that bad I collapse, but I just wish he'd understand what I'm going through and at least make an effort to help me so I don't go insane.
Yes, I KNOW, that I'm doing it, hes home and driving me NUTS..... but really, hes not even doing the things he should be doing. The lawns are again a mess, if I could get out there and mow them half the problem would be solved but I can't cuz my arms are fucked, so why cant HE do it?? Who the hell knows??? We had a perfectly fine weekend, I wanted to get out there but my arms were so bad I was on painkillers the whole time, and what does he do? Play friggen wow ALL weekend, now I know its how he 'unwinds' and he figures we can just pay someone to do the lawn, and we cant, although hes forgotten how I explained to him the shame I feel having to get someone to do it, and its this guy we know, so hes always "oh if you just did this it would be under control" and I know that, but can't he just DO it, I give him the money and he goes away withouth me feeling guilt over it?? No, because I am a nut case.
We need to start sorting out what we are putting in storage and what we are not, has Scott even tried to start - OF COURSE NOT. And now I have a week to clean the house, because is Scott gonna help OF COURSE THE FUCK NOT.