One more time.
So, I think what I need to say can best be said by a lyric from the mega hit, "Cupid's Chokehold" by Gym Class Heros;
"This is gonna sound like bad joke
but momma I fell in love again
it's safe to say I have a new girlfriend."
Yeah, that's what I said. Except, it's not directed to my mother and it's not about a girl. Yeah, whatever. It's not the fact that I actually think it's going to go anywhere, becuase I've safety netted myself for this situation, with this kind of boy. Sean Doyle, an ex asshole carlilian who has since moved to Singapore has been in my life for two days and it's pathetic how infatuated with him. He's a total douche bag (Of course this is the Carlisle girl version of douche bag [meaning he hooked up with all of them and they were stupid enough to think they were the only one.] which is definitely not even close to being my version of a douche bag). I've been all over him for the past two days. Him and Julian are my two favorite boys.
This may sound pathetic, like, "You retard, you just me this boy with a really shady rep and you've already ditched your life long lover Max for him?" Well yes. To me, this is pathetic and I can see it for what it is, but it's not about that. It's more about the fact that I'm finally back. Fuck guys who care about feelings. Fuck guys who actually mean something to me. I'm pretty much stuck with the sleazy guys for the rest of my life. They don't hurt me like guys who I might actually have a future with do.
I feel like if I spent my entire life dealing with Max's, meaning guys who are great and funny and perfect, then going to a guy like Bryan or Julian would be so unbelievable devastating. It's just what I'm used to and how I've learned to cope with it. Obviously I'm still in the learning stage with guys like Max, but I learned with guys like Bryan, I can learn with him too.
For such a long time (eight months) I didn't do anything with any guys hoping it would make me look good for Max. Today and yesterday I changed that. Fuck what Max thinks, he just isn't fucking worth it. I struggled for eight months for that kid out of my own patheticism. Fuck that, fuck caring what they all think about me. If he doesn't love me despite my sluttyness he just isn't worth.
So, I've moved back to my old ways. That's more comforting to me than scary. I was always so scared to go back to this becuase I was scared what Max and his friends would think. I went back and I realized how much I missed it. This is exactly where I want to be.
We all know that in two days I'll post another entry about Max. Not to be a pessimist or anything...
"This is gonna sound like bad joke
but momma I fell in love again
it's safe to say I have a new girlfriend."
Yeah, that's what I said. Except, it's not directed to my mother and it's not about a girl. Yeah, whatever. It's not the fact that I actually think it's going to go anywhere, becuase I've safety netted myself for this situation, with this kind of boy. Sean Doyle, an ex asshole carlilian who has since moved to Singapore has been in my life for two days and it's pathetic how infatuated with him. He's a total douche bag (Of course this is the Carlisle girl version of douche bag [meaning he hooked up with all of them and they were stupid enough to think they were the only one.] which is definitely not even close to being my version of a douche bag). I've been all over him for the past two days. Him and Julian are my two favorite boys.
This may sound pathetic, like, "You retard, you just me this boy with a really shady rep and you've already ditched your life long lover Max for him?" Well yes. To me, this is pathetic and I can see it for what it is, but it's not about that. It's more about the fact that I'm finally back. Fuck guys who care about feelings. Fuck guys who actually mean something to me. I'm pretty much stuck with the sleazy guys for the rest of my life. They don't hurt me like guys who I might actually have a future with do.
I feel like if I spent my entire life dealing with Max's, meaning guys who are great and funny and perfect, then going to a guy like Bryan or Julian would be so unbelievable devastating. It's just what I'm used to and how I've learned to cope with it. Obviously I'm still in the learning stage with guys like Max, but I learned with guys like Bryan, I can learn with him too.
For such a long time (eight months) I didn't do anything with any guys hoping it would make me look good for Max. Today and yesterday I changed that. Fuck what Max thinks, he just isn't fucking worth it. I struggled for eight months for that kid out of my own patheticism. Fuck that, fuck caring what they all think about me. If he doesn't love me despite my sluttyness he just isn't worth.
So, I've moved back to my old ways. That's more comforting to me than scary. I was always so scared to go back to this becuase I was scared what Max and his friends would think. I went back and I realized how much I missed it. This is exactly where I want to be.
We all know that in two days I'll post another entry about Max. Not to be a pessimist or anything...