(no subject)
i have not been this sad in a really, really long time.
my stomache hurts like never before.
i feel so fucking sick, it's disgusting.
you don't have to read this (i don't think anyone will), but i have to write it down for myself...
so he made plans with me for yesterday, obviously, 'cause it was the only day he'd be home for a while, and here's how it went from my end:
first i wake up at noon and wait until 4:30 for him to wake up. then our original plans get fucked up (not his fault), then we make new plans to go to simon's hosue with nick and hang out. i tell him nick'll pick him up at 6:30, and he says he's going to rocky's for a few minutes, and he'll be back. he isn't back by 7:30, even, and at 8 i just go to simon's by myself. before i leave i text message jose, i message him on aim, i call his house and talk to his mother, and i try desperately to get goodman's cell number, 'cause i know he's with goodman. well, jose never called me. i tried to email him, but rampagehosting.com isn't rampagehosting anymore. jose never called. never fucking called.
well i love him and i guess this is what a broken heart feels like? it feels more like my fucking stomache, and my head than my fucking heart. yeahyeah i'm 16 tell me to shut the fuck up. i love this boy and he doesn't give a shit, tell me it's not gonna fucking hurt?
i can't help but hope he calls me and tells me he loves me. he owes me an appology, i think, and i'd like to hear one, but honestly right now i just want him to tell me he loves me.
my stomache hurts like never before.
i feel so fucking sick, it's disgusting.
you don't have to read this (i don't think anyone will), but i have to write it down for myself...
so he made plans with me for yesterday, obviously, 'cause it was the only day he'd be home for a while, and here's how it went from my end:
first i wake up at noon and wait until 4:30 for him to wake up. then our original plans get fucked up (not his fault), then we make new plans to go to simon's hosue with nick and hang out. i tell him nick'll pick him up at 6:30, and he says he's going to rocky's for a few minutes, and he'll be back. he isn't back by 7:30, even, and at 8 i just go to simon's by myself. before i leave i text message jose, i message him on aim, i call his house and talk to his mother, and i try desperately to get goodman's cell number, 'cause i know he's with goodman. well, jose never called me. i tried to email him, but rampagehosting.com isn't rampagehosting anymore. jose never called. never fucking called.
well i love him and i guess this is what a broken heart feels like? it feels more like my fucking stomache, and my head than my fucking heart. yeahyeah i'm 16 tell me to shut the fuck up. i love this boy and he doesn't give a shit, tell me it's not gonna fucking hurt?
i can't help but hope he calls me and tells me he loves me. he owes me an appology, i think, and i'd like to hear one, but honestly right now i just want him to tell me he loves me.