over and out conecticut.
for those concerned: this is the last entry in this journal.
A house of cards or a supple heart, neither a great place dwell. now you have your cake, don't hesitate. put it in your mouth. just know [ and i hope you already knew ] there is no backing out. there will be none. this has become reality and you can never dream it down. i made amends in the general sense, [the most i could bring myself to do] but the devil's in the details. there was love i meant. there were accidents. so tell me which is which because at times i can't work it out. i guess i meant it all at the time, for what it was. but for memory and clarity, i had better start writing it down. i have no way of knowing the truth [or knowing if i really want to] of certain events. with time it dissolves and it honestly doesn't matter. for some time i was completely enraged. i don't care who conducted these experiments in treason. it could have completely ruined at least two lives. there are so many horrible things flying around in my head. so meany evil things i could say. so many that i could completely tear apart with a handful of sentences. but i won't. i don't believe in revenge. but i do believe everyone has the power to take control of their own lives. and the one i've lived for the past handful years has been drowned in a bathtub. along with every other person i've ever been.
consider this a resignation. to the farcical smiles and unfelt embraces. to the few real moments of shared love. i have no way of telling the two apart. i put the past into the ground. i see the future as a cloud. the time to turn around has passed. it passed with a needle and the silence that followed. it seems one day i fell asleep. and all day, all night i dreamed. but i am wiping the crust from my eyes. i have begun to realize there is no truth. there is only you and what you make the truth. you are the first one you deceive, if you can make yourself believe then the rest is easy...
i'm sorry for pain that was caused, but i feel sticky no longer. i wish not to be. civility will be embraced. i hold no grudge, but i also will not forget. i no longer answer to nicki, nicki doo, nickleberry, etc, etc.
if you don't understand, you will.
love.peace.
* nickolas p. kurtz
A house of cards or a supple heart, neither a great place dwell. now you have your cake, don't hesitate. put it in your mouth. just know [ and i hope you already knew ] there is no backing out. there will be none. this has become reality and you can never dream it down. i made amends in the general sense, [the most i could bring myself to do] but the devil's in the details. there was love i meant. there were accidents. so tell me which is which because at times i can't work it out. i guess i meant it all at the time, for what it was. but for memory and clarity, i had better start writing it down. i have no way of knowing the truth [or knowing if i really want to] of certain events. with time it dissolves and it honestly doesn't matter. for some time i was completely enraged. i don't care who conducted these experiments in treason. it could have completely ruined at least two lives. there are so many horrible things flying around in my head. so meany evil things i could say. so many that i could completely tear apart with a handful of sentences. but i won't. i don't believe in revenge. but i do believe everyone has the power to take control of their own lives. and the one i've lived for the past handful years has been drowned in a bathtub. along with every other person i've ever been.
consider this a resignation. to the farcical smiles and unfelt embraces. to the few real moments of shared love. i have no way of telling the two apart. i put the past into the ground. i see the future as a cloud. the time to turn around has passed. it passed with a needle and the silence that followed. it seems one day i fell asleep. and all day, all night i dreamed. but i am wiping the crust from my eyes. i have begun to realize there is no truth. there is only you and what you make the truth. you are the first one you deceive, if you can make yourself believe then the rest is easy...
i'm sorry for pain that was caused, but i feel sticky no longer. i wish not to be. civility will be embraced. i hold no grudge, but i also will not forget. i no longer answer to nicki, nicki doo, nickleberry, etc, etc.
if you don't understand, you will.
love.peace.
* nickolas p. kurtz