maybe someone will read.
I'm at a point in my life where I feel somewhat stuck. I feel as if I'm trying to push back time rather then just going with it.
I'm tired, constantly stressed and snappy. Working so often, and not driving has put a huge hole where my socal life used to be. I look through my phone and realize that i litteraly have no one to talk to. I DO get asked to do things of occasion but somehow I NEVER have those days off work. I would have loved to go to a Halloween party last Saturday, and was invited to a few by people who seem to finally notice I'm gone. I only get two days off work a week, and am trying so hard to become noticed, noticed enough for a promotion, or a raise. Anything so I won't have to work nearly as often.
Sometimes I step out of the little box of a life I have and look hard, really hard, and don't often remeber what I'm working for. I know what I want, but not ready to do what I have to do to get it. I'm always stressed, chain smoking, and just staring into nothing. I always feel as if time is moving so fast around me, but my life and my time is moving ten times as slow. Im trying so hard to figure out what I want to do with my life and finally work towards something that will pull everything that I have already worked towards together. I feel as if nothing is ever good enough and I really don't want that state of mind anymore. I dont want to think that nothing is ever good enough for anyone, or for myself. I want to skip this state of being lost and finally see who I'm going to become.
I don't want to float around in life anymore, I finally want to pursue something that will create a huge impact on my life and the people surounding me. I left high school not knowing what I want to do, and almost two years later, I still have no idea.
High school for me was full of ways to try new things, I always kept myself busy with cheerleading, band, art, choir, theatre, smoking weed, going to the cave, doing drugs, drinking, new loves, broken hearts, ups, downs, A's, F's, etc.. I look back and I wouldnt take any of it back, it made me the person who I am today, but fuck, do I really want to be this person? It really sucks to know that you can never satisfy yourself.
I'm free to make any decison I want, but I never feel like I make the right ones. I really just don't want to wait anymore. I don't want to wait for me to wake up one day and randomly decide what I want to do, because I know in another month or so, I'll want to do something else. Just wish I had something to guide me in the right direction. I'm tired of working and not knowing what I'm working for. Yes, I want to be promoted, but what then? After I figure out what I want to do after, what will I want next? I'm tired of constantly questioning everything.
I dont want to float anymore.
I'm tired, constantly stressed and snappy. Working so often, and not driving has put a huge hole where my socal life used to be. I look through my phone and realize that i litteraly have no one to talk to. I DO get asked to do things of occasion but somehow I NEVER have those days off work. I would have loved to go to a Halloween party last Saturday, and was invited to a few by people who seem to finally notice I'm gone. I only get two days off work a week, and am trying so hard to become noticed, noticed enough for a promotion, or a raise. Anything so I won't have to work nearly as often.
Sometimes I step out of the little box of a life I have and look hard, really hard, and don't often remeber what I'm working for. I know what I want, but not ready to do what I have to do to get it. I'm always stressed, chain smoking, and just staring into nothing. I always feel as if time is moving so fast around me, but my life and my time is moving ten times as slow. Im trying so hard to figure out what I want to do with my life and finally work towards something that will pull everything that I have already worked towards together. I feel as if nothing is ever good enough and I really don't want that state of mind anymore. I dont want to think that nothing is ever good enough for anyone, or for myself. I want to skip this state of being lost and finally see who I'm going to become.
I don't want to float around in life anymore, I finally want to pursue something that will create a huge impact on my life and the people surounding me. I left high school not knowing what I want to do, and almost two years later, I still have no idea.
High school for me was full of ways to try new things, I always kept myself busy with cheerleading, band, art, choir, theatre, smoking weed, going to the cave, doing drugs, drinking, new loves, broken hearts, ups, downs, A's, F's, etc.. I look back and I wouldnt take any of it back, it made me the person who I am today, but fuck, do I really want to be this person? It really sucks to know that you can never satisfy yourself.
I'm free to make any decison I want, but I never feel like I make the right ones. I really just don't want to wait anymore. I don't want to wait for me to wake up one day and randomly decide what I want to do, because I know in another month or so, I'll want to do something else. Just wish I had something to guide me in the right direction. I'm tired of working and not knowing what I'm working for. Yes, I want to be promoted, but what then? After I figure out what I want to do after, what will I want next? I'm tired of constantly questioning everything.
I dont want to float anymore.