my head is messy
im conceited and i know it. i can't help it. its who i am, its how ive been able to keep my sanity til now. thinking the world revolves around me yet i dont care about the world. or maybe its that i care too much. i used to be seen as the indifferent one. the one who never stood out much. most of that still hasnt changed. unfeeling and unemotional is how i lived. death, violence, crime, drugs, politics, and culture itself. none of that matter. none of that concerned me. ive become immune to it all. ive desensitized myself to it all. it was a carefree life. a carefree but lonely life. without caring about anything you have nothing interesting to say. every word that comes out of your mouth either has no meaning or is just another lie to further deceive others. you lie about how you feel. you lie about what you think. you are afraid to let others in. you are afraid of getting hurt. taking that risk is scary to you. but you dont want to be alone. you want to find someone who understands you. someone who will accept you for who you are. someone who isnt going to try to change you, but bring out who you really are. simply put you just want someone who you can talk to. after all, isnt that what we really look for in love? its not about sex or looks or what you have in common. its not about money or what job they have. its not about getting along or playing around all the time. its not about impressing your friends and family or having someone to show off. love is finding that soul mate that you can tell anything to and not feel bad saying it. someone you can truly be sincere too and someone you truly care about. you cling to their every word as if it were life itself. you pay attention and ask for nothing more in return. all you need is their acceptance and their love and thats all that really matters. its not about what others think. if you cared about that then theres no future to your relationship. its YOUR relationship. fix it on your own. no one else can do it for you. love means that you treat each other as equals. but who am i to say all this. i cant say i have been successful in love. take what you will from my words. what began as a simple jotting down of thoughts into a preaching of love.