Nonsensical
For the last several nights, I have sat staring at my myspace page for several minutes at a time. Specifically I have been staring at that link called "blog" up at the top. I feel there is something I really have to say, like it is welling up inside and ready to burst onto my computer screen, but there is a problem...
I have no idea what it is I want to say.
Maybe there is too much, or perhaps too little. Maybe there are things in me and all of us that aren't so easy to put into words, and maybe aren't so easy to even consciously think about.
I feel that I have had been very introspective recently, which is good. But rather than take my own thoughts about anything at face value, I try to understand the psychological reasons for my thoughts, which could be good but I generally find it bad.
This creates in me a paralyzing... fear maybe? I'm not sure that quite fits the bill but maybe it's close. I can analyze myself to death, but any analysis is composed of pieces and parts, which in turn, can then also be analized. And so it spirals for eternity. So while some might find answers about themselves, I find more questions. What is it I want to do with my life? Who is it I want to be? Who am I in the first damned place?
I don't know. I feel as though I compete with myself in ways. This part of me tries to outdo this other part of me. Or worse, one part of me chooses to sabotage this other part of me. This all makes me sound a little schizophrenic perhaps, but I don't actually think that this is the case. I think I am confused in some way. I wish I could say exactly what it is I'm confused about.
I wonder if I should have everything figured out by now. It seems that most do at this point. I wonder if I am an oddity or perfectly normal.
For not knowing what it is I felt like writing I sure have written a lot. And yet, this hasn't removed that feeling from me. There is a blog, or maybe several I have to write, but this one wasn't one of them I don't think. When I figure out what they are, I'll get back to you.
I have no idea what it is I want to say.
Maybe there is too much, or perhaps too little. Maybe there are things in me and all of us that aren't so easy to put into words, and maybe aren't so easy to even consciously think about.
I feel that I have had been very introspective recently, which is good. But rather than take my own thoughts about anything at face value, I try to understand the psychological reasons for my thoughts, which could be good but I generally find it bad.
This creates in me a paralyzing... fear maybe? I'm not sure that quite fits the bill but maybe it's close. I can analyze myself to death, but any analysis is composed of pieces and parts, which in turn, can then also be analized. And so it spirals for eternity. So while some might find answers about themselves, I find more questions. What is it I want to do with my life? Who is it I want to be? Who am I in the first damned place?
I don't know. I feel as though I compete with myself in ways. This part of me tries to outdo this other part of me. Or worse, one part of me chooses to sabotage this other part of me. This all makes me sound a little schizophrenic perhaps, but I don't actually think that this is the case. I think I am confused in some way. I wish I could say exactly what it is I'm confused about.
I wonder if I should have everything figured out by now. It seems that most do at this point. I wonder if I am an oddity or perfectly normal.
For not knowing what it is I felt like writing I sure have written a lot. And yet, this hasn't removed that feeling from me. There is a blog, or maybe several I have to write, but this one wasn't one of them I don't think. When I figure out what they are, I'll get back to you.