Mortality ((ooc: intended to be private, but Luke flubbed))
This past week has been... interesting. In the Chinese curse sense of the term. "May you live in interesting times", or so it goes. Cursing you to a life of hardship, war, troubles, etcetera.
Something happened recently, that didn't happen before. I thought that true timelines could not be shifted, or so I was led to believe, but apparently that is not one hundred percent true. Even if it were 99.9inf% true, that one infinite .0inf1 percent would be enough.
I've been having twinges of cosmic angst as my own personal past timeline has been shifted. I don't know for certain which specific act has caused this, or even whether it is just one small act in a series of far more important events. All I know is something has changed.
And it hurts. It feels like something's gripping my very soul and twisting it. I'm starting to feel phantom pains from injuries healed a long time ago - as though they're changing, becoming realer, more permanent.
I'm afraid. If things change too much, I won't change.
I'll cease.
I don't want to cease, but whatever will happen to me is out of my hands. So I'm stealing loads of pain killing agents from the hub's infirmary (Hopefully Owen won't notice) and pretending I'm fine. I can't help but wonder if these phantom pains will somehow manifest. If they do, I'm not sure how I'll hide them, too.
Mickey's been so wonderful. I'm not really sleeping at night, but lying beside him while he sleeps helps a lot. Helps me forget that each breath might be the last. And that I won't die, I just won't BE anymore. Because I'll have died a long time ago - replaced by some other me, perhaps - one that didn't live my life. Love my....
I should never have come back - but even now, I don't want to return to my own time. Somehow, it feels like it would be better this way - to disappear. If I do, they won't remember my existence anyhow... because I won't have.
I don't want to cease.
Something happened recently, that didn't happen before. I thought that true timelines could not be shifted, or so I was led to believe, but apparently that is not one hundred percent true. Even if it were 99.9inf% true, that one infinite .0inf1 percent would be enough.
I've been having twinges of cosmic angst as my own personal past timeline has been shifted. I don't know for certain which specific act has caused this, or even whether it is just one small act in a series of far more important events. All I know is something has changed.
And it hurts. It feels like something's gripping my very soul and twisting it. I'm starting to feel phantom pains from injuries healed a long time ago - as though they're changing, becoming realer, more permanent.
I'm afraid. If things change too much, I won't change.
I'll cease.
I don't want to cease, but whatever will happen to me is out of my hands. So I'm stealing loads of pain killing agents from the hub's infirmary (Hopefully Owen won't notice) and pretending I'm fine. I can't help but wonder if these phantom pains will somehow manifest. If they do, I'm not sure how I'll hide them, too.
Mickey's been so wonderful. I'm not really sleeping at night, but lying beside him while he sleeps helps a lot. Helps me forget that each breath might be the last. And that I won't die, I just won't BE anymore. Because I'll have died a long time ago - replaced by some other me, perhaps - one that didn't live my life. Love my....
I should never have come back - but even now, I don't want to return to my own time. Somehow, it feels like it would be better this way - to disappear. If I do, they won't remember my existence anyhow... because I won't have.
I don't want to cease.