sucky emo journal entries
well it all started a few weeks ago when my aunt died and that really bummed me out alot. it didnt help when i missed her funeral i feel so shallow and shitty for that. that alone makes me want to go jump off a bridge. life just has been lookin down on me again. i fucked up big and cared to much like i always do, its so shitty when you get steped on cuz you have the decency to care. people say its a privlage and a good thing that i care so much, fuck that. all it does is get me hurt, its my burden. i wish i had a heart of stone so badly... but i cant. im so open and i trust so easily. ill get over it tho. i just wish that i could feel what its like for someone to care about me as much as i care about them... and i KNOW theres people who do care about me soooo much (cough cough taryn, and laura =P) and its like one of the few things that makes me a lil happy. i want to cover it up and just say fuck this and go be a player and fuck around and not care, but im a pussy little emo boy and its been a long ass time since i had a gf i cant just go out and have fun ne more im tired of it. and to top it off the last week i have been SOOO stressed out about my grandma she had to go into the hospital and have surgery on her heart... it was like a 40% survival chance. i love her sooo much i would be an emotional wreck if anything happened to her, but she made it through ok with some bumps but shes ok now. its gonna make me so happy to see her up again walking and stuff. well in the span of this dramarific past 2 months if takin up the gross ass disgusting habbit of smoking.. its really gay i know. but i dont have anything else to cling onto i have absolutly no emotional support so this is the fucked up result... im sorry to those of you who i dissappoint. ill stop soon, maybe when im happy again, someone please make me happy again. but despite this im still in a good mood.. i just need to keep occupied and not think about shit. this isnt big mean sad depressed its just deep down inside and i needed to vent. im okay other than that shit. but it would help if someone gave me a reason to care again, because i see no reason why i should ever care.