god...
dear god,
why do you hate me so much. why do you play games with me. im so sick of dealing with this shit. and for what? some kinda of test. no... your some sick fuck puppet master, thats all. every time im up, you knock me down. every time i get a little spark of happyness, you drench it with a cloud of darkness. i was a christian for 3 fucking years, those where the most depressing years of my life. so i give up on you.... i finally find happyness. and you come crashing down on me. i hate you. just leave me alone. i never wanted to be born in the first place... you didnt give me the choice of existing.. and now im stuck between an eternity of pain... or serving you... i dont want to serve you. i dont have the energy, the will, or the ambition to be your servent. why cant you just leave me alone. i dont have the motovation. and even if i did, id still feel like shit.. unworthy to you... youve done nothing for me, you fucking hear me NOTHING. ever. why should i love you... because you saved me? fuck you i never wanted to be here. i fucking hate you. i dont want to live.. i dont want to die. i just want to not exist... it would be so much easier.. but you play your games. and now ill go to hell.. to suffer more. id rather suffer in hell then blind myself with this love... god... you dont know what love is. if i loved someone as much as you claim to love me, i wouldent let any of this happen to them... i would be their protector. you are nothing but a sick demented puppetier a mockery of the image you want to portray. if you live in my heart... then you are dead now god.. you are dead.
why do you hate me so much. why do you play games with me. im so sick of dealing with this shit. and for what? some kinda of test. no... your some sick fuck puppet master, thats all. every time im up, you knock me down. every time i get a little spark of happyness, you drench it with a cloud of darkness. i was a christian for 3 fucking years, those where the most depressing years of my life. so i give up on you.... i finally find happyness. and you come crashing down on me. i hate you. just leave me alone. i never wanted to be born in the first place... you didnt give me the choice of existing.. and now im stuck between an eternity of pain... or serving you... i dont want to serve you. i dont have the energy, the will, or the ambition to be your servent. why cant you just leave me alone. i dont have the motovation. and even if i did, id still feel like shit.. unworthy to you... youve done nothing for me, you fucking hear me NOTHING. ever. why should i love you... because you saved me? fuck you i never wanted to be here. i fucking hate you. i dont want to live.. i dont want to die. i just want to not exist... it would be so much easier.. but you play your games. and now ill go to hell.. to suffer more. id rather suffer in hell then blind myself with this love... god... you dont know what love is. if i loved someone as much as you claim to love me, i wouldent let any of this happen to them... i would be their protector. you are nothing but a sick demented puppetier a mockery of the image you want to portray. if you live in my heart... then you are dead now god.. you are dead.