(no subject)
Where do I begin?
Short version: Things have not been going well for both of us.
Don't expect a well written story because its mainly for me to unload and sort out myself.
It's like living with a leaking bottle of gas where your mistakes are like the smallest sparks. She explodes violently whenever I do something wrong, even if it is of no major consequence. The recent event that prompted me to write something was when i modified/broke the car locking remote because it had a built in panic alarm and was bothering me everytime the button was accidentally pressed in my pocket and caused the car alarm to go off. Ok. It's understandable for her to be annoyed that she perceives that i broke something, but throwing and breaking things is not. Nor is it really justifiable to threaten someone with suicide or divorce just because i broke a car locking remote.
I perceive this threat of either suicide or divorce as a form of draconian control. Not the first time if happened. Previously raged to tears when i left the computer overnight to download something. When my friends said that marriage was like a chain and ball, i know what he means. Escape from freedom guilty as charged. Maybe its time for me to regain control of my life once more. If that is the case, I better start making preparations, preferbly under subterfuge. I think chinese women are all like that. Was hoping to save her from this environment, but i think im not doing a very good job at it. She seems happy to embrace all of it too. plan b
deranged to tears and violence. forcibly removed a knife from her possesion more than once. I must be mad to continue this relationship. My bad, that would be my fault for not being brave enough for change. sad part is i still love her. thats just me being dumb braving thru things thick and thin, stubborn to give up, or too firm in marriage vows. does the 21st century care for the guy that sticks with it because he belives its the right thing to do? who knows. remembered how 2 out of 3 marriages fail, i wonder if its still true today?
What else? oh yes... shes pregnant and we are expecting a child. Good news? perhaps not. She's not been doing a good job in controlling her temper and probably blames everyone else if her temper causes changes in her body/blood chemistry/biobabble that creates an unfavorable environment for the unborn child growing inside her. Recent events has only strained things further. We are stressed out. busy job only further compounded things. I told her many times she should put up signs around the place to tell our patrons to not smoke so much. I think ill have to do it myself.
I'm only human. I fuck up often. im not afraid to admit that. Being an australian in a foreign country with no one to relate to but herself. I'd have hoped that i would get alittle bit of slack but fat chance. Those high expectations she has is only generating high levels of disappointment. Her lack of patience isn't helping my transistion from being the guy i once was to being her ideal husband, there are just some things that i don't think i can abandon from my character. So much for compromises and working things out to make things more tolerable. i game not only for fun but as a distraction from some of the unpleasant realities here. Maybe it is an immature self defence mechanism i and millions of people use, but it keeps me from going insane.
what am i going to do? well it is past 10pm and i am outside, this laptop is running out of juice, so for the time being, i will retire... i better open the gate to let my dog in, i can hear him whimpering outside cos he is trying to get in underneath and is stuck.
Short version: Things have not been going well for both of us.
Don't expect a well written story because its mainly for me to unload and sort out myself.
It's like living with a leaking bottle of gas where your mistakes are like the smallest sparks. She explodes violently whenever I do something wrong, even if it is of no major consequence. The recent event that prompted me to write something was when i modified/broke the car locking remote because it had a built in panic alarm and was bothering me everytime the button was accidentally pressed in my pocket and caused the car alarm to go off. Ok. It's understandable for her to be annoyed that she perceives that i broke something, but throwing and breaking things is not. Nor is it really justifiable to threaten someone with suicide or divorce just because i broke a car locking remote.
I perceive this threat of either suicide or divorce as a form of draconian control. Not the first time if happened. Previously raged to tears when i left the computer overnight to download something. When my friends said that marriage was like a chain and ball, i know what he means. Escape from freedom guilty as charged. Maybe its time for me to regain control of my life once more. If that is the case, I better start making preparations, preferbly under subterfuge. I think chinese women are all like that. Was hoping to save her from this environment, but i think im not doing a very good job at it. She seems happy to embrace all of it too. plan b
deranged to tears and violence. forcibly removed a knife from her possesion more than once. I must be mad to continue this relationship. My bad, that would be my fault for not being brave enough for change. sad part is i still love her. thats just me being dumb braving thru things thick and thin, stubborn to give up, or too firm in marriage vows. does the 21st century care for the guy that sticks with it because he belives its the right thing to do? who knows. remembered how 2 out of 3 marriages fail, i wonder if its still true today?
What else? oh yes... shes pregnant and we are expecting a child. Good news? perhaps not. She's not been doing a good job in controlling her temper and probably blames everyone else if her temper causes changes in her body/blood chemistry/biobabble that creates an unfavorable environment for the unborn child growing inside her. Recent events has only strained things further. We are stressed out. busy job only further compounded things. I told her many times she should put up signs around the place to tell our patrons to not smoke so much. I think ill have to do it myself.
I'm only human. I fuck up often. im not afraid to admit that. Being an australian in a foreign country with no one to relate to but herself. I'd have hoped that i would get alittle bit of slack but fat chance. Those high expectations she has is only generating high levels of disappointment. Her lack of patience isn't helping my transistion from being the guy i once was to being her ideal husband, there are just some things that i don't think i can abandon from my character. So much for compromises and working things out to make things more tolerable. i game not only for fun but as a distraction from some of the unpleasant realities here. Maybe it is an immature self defence mechanism i and millions of people use, but it keeps me from going insane.
what am i going to do? well it is past 10pm and i am outside, this laptop is running out of juice, so for the time being, i will retire... i better open the gate to let my dog in, i can hear him whimpering outside cos he is trying to get in underneath and is stuck.